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unnecessaryz

Member Since 2003

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Friday Apr 23, 2004

Apr 23, 2004
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When it comes to pissing in the mouth of culture and getting away with it, no entertainment medium even has a chance against film. Books get banned. Video games get protested. The worst a film could possibly hope for is getting sent to the under ten dollar shelf at Best Buy.

Recently, Hollywood has been outdoing itself in the "fuck you and your heritage" department. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not the kind of uptight PC advocate that feels taping everyones' mouth shut is the easiest way to make sure no one gets offended. Far from it, as most of you know. But every once in a while, something so spectacularly bad pushes it's way through my wall of tolerance and kicks my brain in the nuts. A turd amongst turds, if you will.

I'd like you to join me now, kind, smart people, as we break down and analyze the trailer for...SOUL PLANE!

If the struggle for equality were an actual fight, the first ten seconds of the Soul Plane trailer just threw a handful of dirt into equality's eyes and bit its ear off. A typical movie trailer narrator warns us that we are seconds away from seeing Hollywood's version of an all black business if they ever started one that wasn't a barbershop. Easily recognizable black person Snoop Dogg appears and welcomes us to the nightmare. Then the screen shakes and seconds later the cause of it bounces into the shot: a purple velvet airplane on hydros being guided in by a dancing jiggaboo. Nothing could have made this scene suck more unless the guy doing the roger rabbit was done up in black face.

It's around this time you'll start to notice most of the cast members are from every WB show ever made. Seeing as those shows are signs of the Apocalypse, this is not good. While I'm strongly in favor of black actors getting consistant work, I'm torn between that and my desire to see them star in shows not written by white people who learned black culture from Jerry Bruckheimer movies.

The next thirty seconds of the trailer is like walking through a museum of bad black movies. It's got everything. Fat sassy black bitch. Check. Oh, make that two. Overly flamboyant gay black man (two minorities for the price of one). Check. We'll name him Flame...seriously. A wanna-be black white kid. Done. The more Jewish, the funnier. Modern day minstril act Johnathan Witherspoon. Wouldn't be a bad black film without him. Method Man. He keeps trying and we'll keep providing. And just to make sure you knew this movie is here to fuck you up good, try some Tom Arnold! Boo-ya!

The rest of the trailer pretty much just shows African-Americans doing what they do best in films: dancin', mackin', and screamin' in terror because that's the extent of their problem solving skills.

At the end of the day, you know what the saddest part of this whole experience is? When I saw this trailer in the theaters, everyone was laughing. On the other hand, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story looks promising.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
clara:
OHMYGODIT'SYOURBIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Apr 26, 2004
_sarah_:
Welcome to 27. biggrin
Apr 26, 2004

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