sometimes i'm so afraid that it becomes exhausting. the muscles in my legs cramp and ache and my chest drags low and heavy. it's because i don't know why i deserve this. i am still waiting for this to be revealed as some kind of a clever rouse. how can i know? how can i ask for certainty when i don't have any myself? even now i feel steeped in mellodrama. what is it to be deserving of someone else's love? i know what the word means to me and i know how strongly i feel right now, but i also know that people change without warning. after that i could be left alone, crying in a bathtub listening to sad bastard music too tired to cry anymore, again. i think it's crazy that i can't just STOP being afraid of that hurt that i am so familiar with. the memory of it fades as my life progresses, but sometimes that scares me even more. i don't want t forget how shitty it feels to be left behind because there is a part of me that still feels she needs to be prepared.
More Blogs
-
2
Tuesday Mar 25, 2008
when things are crazy, all i want is a liitle peace. when things ar… -
4
Tuesday Dec 04, 2007
last final essay for the semester. second last final essay of my deg… -
1
Saturday Nov 10, 2007
why are people so fucking stupid? -
1
Wednesday Oct 03, 2007
if the relationships you're in seems way too good to be true, it prob… -
3
Friday Jul 06, 2007
so here is the story of last saturday up until now: after going ou… -
1
Tuesday May 22, 2007
i never pay attention to this blog. i think it feels lonely and je… -
2
Monday May 21, 2007
fuck facebook. -
1
Monday Apr 16, 2007
thank goodness for Cloe and Quinne. i really needed some tits and ass… -
1
Wednesday Apr 11, 2007
the last FIVE suicide girls look exactly the same. can we have a lit… -
0
Thursday Sep 28, 2006
i am amazed at how productive and funcational i can be on very little…
~Tab