twentythree

I sometimes wonder about who the first person to eat something was.
Like, I look at a lobster and wonder what brave, adventurous soul decided to try and eat one.
Or who saw a brussel sprout and said, "You know what, fuck it. I'm gonna eat this son of a bitch."
I mean, what insane fuck looked at an oyster and decided to stick it...
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I saw a lizard on the Discovery channel that could shoot blood out it's eyes.
Like, up to six feet.
I really wish I could do that.
Imagine how handy that would be.

Also, have you ever gone to a place, like a resteraunt or diner pretty regularly and you happen to see some of the same people there alot?
You don't actually speak to...
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People's heads don't catch on fire enough for my liking.
I think this country needs more of that going on.
I'd really like to see more people hitting themselves in the head with bricks to try and put a fire out.
I know, America.
You're saying "But having my head catch on fire would hurt really bad."
Yeah?
But what about my needs?
Don't be...
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I went and saw the Guitar Wolf tonight.
Drum Wolf, Bass Wolf and Guitar Wolf.
They were everything I had ever dreamed and more...

Why are there no good sexually transmitted diseases?
Like, why is it that no one ever contracts "Get Money Disease?"
I want that disease.
You can get crabs, boils, and some thing that makes you piss blood but you can't catch a disease that smotes your enemies?
Why is that?
It seems unfair to me.

Apparently, hippie guru and Earth Day founder Ira Einhorn is a convicted murderer and abuser of women.
I really like that.
That's pretty funny stuff.
Punks are the new hippies.
EVERYONE has tattoos.
EVERYONE is pierced.
EVERYONE is into bondage, s&m, and pornography.
EVERYONE is strange.
At what point did being subversive become so boring and commonplace?
In a world where Ted Bundy once having...
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You know what I like to see?
A good elepahant trampling.
It's always great fun when one of these abused, magnificent beasts suddenly turns on it's masters.
I love the idea of one of these creatures running amok at a circus.
I like to think that even over the screams of terrified, retarded American children you'd still be able to hear a deafening CRUNCH! as...
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Imagine if suddenly every household pet grew to twenty times it's original size.
I don't think it would be that big a deal for the dog owners because dogs tend to be pretty loyal and obedient anyhow.
It really wouldn't be that great a problem for the bird and fish owners either because birds and fish just wouldn't be bright enough to realize that anything...
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If I disliked George Bush at all it would only be because he is not ENOUGH of a tyrant.
It's irritating that people complain about him when he is so wimpy.
Banning gay marriages and attacking foriegn countires in a half-assed manner is simply not enough for me.
No, what I really want is a good 'ol Joseph Stalin to help people get through their...
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It is hard to find things to do when you don't have to work.
And have no friends.
And hate leaving the house.