Nine days of nothing but self indulgence can be a great thing. Nine days of family can be hell. I had a great time, saw Mayan temples in the Belize rainforest, drove a mini speedboat and snorkeled(I love that word, snorkel) in Cancun, at cheap lobster and fresh mangos in Roatan, and visited Cozumel in a torrential rainstorm. My bar tab, ouch. But, for the most part, I am ready to return to The Job That I Mostly Despise.

One thing I did have plenty of time for was thinking about my current life. I don't like where I am, and it's my responsibility to fix it, sigh. I'm turning 40 in 8 months, and I don't want to do it fat, miserable and in debt. So, back on what my therapist likes to call "a sensible eating plan"; no more hardback books from Bookpeople, no new cds(except the new Chris Whitley, he is musical heroin to me), and general behaving of self. Oh yeah-a lot less alcohol. And somewhere in there, a new job.

40. I want to go to Angkor Watt. I want to go trek in the Himalayas. I want to visit Morocco. I want to go kayaking off Vancouver Island again. I want to learn to snowboard. I want to eat at the French Laundry. I want a ride in a hot air balloon. I want to have a massage on a beach in Thailand or Bali. I want to fall in love. I want to make love-on top of Enchanted Rock and under a full moon, dammit. I want to do things I've been scared to do.