troubledoll

Tomorrow I'm going to be on a plane flying over the Andes mountains.

Ever see that movie "Alive"?

James McMurtry makes me very, very, very happy.

Thanks, James!

A really good friendship is in the winding down stage. Probably the best friend I've had in the past 15 years. We have both changed a lot in that time, but for the most part I felt like we could count on each other. She has been more of a sister to me than the one my mom actually gave birth to. We have seen...
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So, my brother called yesterday to tell us he was in the hospital and they were probably going to amputate his leg.

Well, that was out of the wild blue fucking yonder.

Seems he had a cut get infected, let it go without seeing a doc, and now the infection is all the way into his bone. Youch.

The good news is, the chief surgeon...
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I have a "medcheck" appt. on the 27th, and by God if the shrink won't give me a new antidepressant I'm just going to buy Prozac off the internet. Bipolar 2, the flavor-of-the-month diagnosis is just plain bullshit. Over 3 months on a "mood stablilizer" and my mood has stabilized alright. I'm a stable 4, on a scale of one to 10. Well, some days...
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I've gotten involved in several discussions lately about how influential race was/is in the disgusting clusterfuck that has been our government's response to Katrina.

This has been/is a real eye opener about how deeply seated prejudice can be. I've heard people I thought I knew make comments about "all the black people". "All those looters should be shot." "If they take food out of stores,...
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My grandmother's first husband was a German who beat her. She defied the societal rules of the late 1800s, and divorced him. Supporting herself by playing piano for the silent movie theaters in Galveston, she shared a home with her two sisters.

One afternoon in 1900, she tied a bedsheet between herself and her sisters, and waded through a storm and a flood to reach...
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I hate the fact that I actually get optomistic when my daily horrorscope is intriguing.

My soundtrack on the way to work this morning:
"New Orleans is Sinking", the Tragically Hip
"When the Levee Breaks", good ol' Led Zep
"Take Me to the Water", Al Green version
"Rain", Patty Griffin
" Many Rivers to Cross", Jimmy Cliff

In bad taste, but I was highly entertained by myself.

Sometimes when things come full circle, that means they've come back to being bad.

It's very frustrating to me, to not be able to fix myself. On a rational level I understand that I can't control my brain, the chemicals in it or the damage that's been done in the past. It just seems like I should be able to reach a sort of emotional...
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The monthly medcheck with Dr. K this afternoon.....
I always end up babbling like an idjit to compensate for anxiety. Hate that.

Hate knowing what I need to do in order to make myself feel better, and yet not.being.able.to.start.doing.it.

I gotta start going to bed earlier, I think too much this late at night.

I'm a little freaked by yesterday's Peruvian plane crash, since I'll be taking basically the same flight in 3 weeks. My brother keeps annoying me by saying "Anaconda!" every time my back is turned, and one of my co-workers gave me a copy of "Alive".

Fucking smart asses, all of 'em.

Why am I going to Peru?you might ask yourself. Well, I'm taking an 84...
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