"And in my darkest hour
When I can find no light
My goals are out of sight
And nothing warms the night.
I close my eyes
And with such sweet surprise
I can be anywhere
I can be anything
I can be anyone
I can be anyone."
-Anyone by Yazoo
Today was a drifty day. I slept an extra half an hour to loll about, vaguely lecherous, in half-asleep world, the world where I meander along, idly dancing with shadows, my eyes closed. The world where feeling is more important than form.
Half-asleep world lingers long past horizontal on days when I don't want to join the legions of the doomed in sharply focused reality. I encourage it by rarely wearing my glasses, preferring the soft haziness.
My ability to detach from reality was honed during interminably long high school classes where I was able to mentally leave my body and walk out the door. I'd go on long walks and do things while my poor body sat behind in class.
I perfected this skill during my first job. When I was 17 I worked in a record store. Despite the fact that it was a record store, it was retail. My boss was a desperately compensating short man who wore elevator shoes and looked like Barry Manilow with a moustache. We often teased him by lining up the Barry Manilow catalogue at the checkout and drawing a little moustache on each one in marker. He didn't like this.
When he wasn't torturing us by playing the Male Stripper 7-inch repeatedly, he was marching about the store doing tinpot dictator stuff, ie being a retail manager.
I remember one day being in a sort of zen sleep state, when I was supposedly sorting records. Apparently Mussolini-Manilow had sidled up to me and barked orders which I had not noticed. He then waved his hand in front of my face. No response from me. I doubt I even blinked. I continued, shuffling records with a blank expression on my face.
The other employees found this hysterical. My manager, R, did not.
My ability to function on autopilot while engaging in distant adventures continues to this day. Monotony and repetition force me to flee the moment.
As much as I like the comforting feeling of half-asleep world, I'm moving towards finding that way of doing that I will want to be fully present for.
When I can find no light
My goals are out of sight
And nothing warms the night.
I close my eyes
And with such sweet surprise
I can be anywhere
I can be anything
I can be anyone
I can be anyone."
-Anyone by Yazoo
Today was a drifty day. I slept an extra half an hour to loll about, vaguely lecherous, in half-asleep world, the world where I meander along, idly dancing with shadows, my eyes closed. The world where feeling is more important than form.
Half-asleep world lingers long past horizontal on days when I don't want to join the legions of the doomed in sharply focused reality. I encourage it by rarely wearing my glasses, preferring the soft haziness.
My ability to detach from reality was honed during interminably long high school classes where I was able to mentally leave my body and walk out the door. I'd go on long walks and do things while my poor body sat behind in class.
I perfected this skill during my first job. When I was 17 I worked in a record store. Despite the fact that it was a record store, it was retail. My boss was a desperately compensating short man who wore elevator shoes and looked like Barry Manilow with a moustache. We often teased him by lining up the Barry Manilow catalogue at the checkout and drawing a little moustache on each one in marker. He didn't like this.
When he wasn't torturing us by playing the Male Stripper 7-inch repeatedly, he was marching about the store doing tinpot dictator stuff, ie being a retail manager.
I remember one day being in a sort of zen sleep state, when I was supposedly sorting records. Apparently Mussolini-Manilow had sidled up to me and barked orders which I had not noticed. He then waved his hand in front of my face. No response from me. I doubt I even blinked. I continued, shuffling records with a blank expression on my face.
The other employees found this hysterical. My manager, R, did not.
My ability to function on autopilot while engaging in distant adventures continues to this day. Monotony and repetition force me to flee the moment.
As much as I like the comforting feeling of half-asleep world, I'm moving towards finding that way of doing that I will want to be fully present for.
VIEW 25 of 58 COMMENTS
Chew toy distractions.
N is wonderful, he really is. Not too sure how to handle that to be honest. He loves me in spite of my multi-faceted personality...and does not endeavor to change my quirks. If that is not the basis for something long term and wonderful, I am not too sure what is. He is all the good qualities in my second ex-husband without the jackass factor...and that lasted 9 years...so who is to tell?
~cheers
was packing boxes, just staring into space. i had gotten into a groove, and my body just took over. and i remember thinking as i stood there. "Hmm I've read about just this sort of thing. oh yeah 730 wrote about it. she's cool."
anyway glad you liked the list. am working on the next on.
i am still trying to remember the top ten greatest kisses of all time for me. i guess my hand doesn't count. so i gotta try to stretch the list.
j/k anyway read my current crushes in my profile sometime.
oh and a friend of mine is trying to be accepted as an SG. don't think she has sent in pics yet. but she is working on it.