tristanthepiston

It's really difficult to keep the people around you emotionally safe AND deal with your own life, mourn several deaths, and go through Cancer treatment.

Culturally, Japanese Canadians have a way of showing a stoic and graceful outward appearance. We are taught to hide our pain, shame, rage, and fear. These are taboo, not for the public gaze.

I'm Yonsei, 4th generation, mixed with Italian,...
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Today is my last round of Chemo....

I wrote something on FB I wanted to share here, while I dont know any of you personally, I have a feeling SG is a place where those who have beat trauma and the darkness in the world can come and show beauty and individuality.

So Ill share it and hope it resonates for a few people, maybe...
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People are very kind about the new look, I have been told a few things including but not limited to...

"You look tough, like you'll fight me."

"It looks great."

"It suits you."

And..."Youre really lucky you dont have an ugly head."

Despite the words of reassurance, I feel like a gigantic human PENIS!!! I can't shake the feeling that I look like a giant...
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I started Chemotherapy on Jan. 31st, something that most people hear and immediately their demeanour changes, they treat me as breakable, fragile, damaged and doomed.

Im absolutely fucking LUCKY though, I got to this at stage 1A and it seems it was Extranodal so likely caused by the biologics they pumped into me starting in 2016 to treat Crohns disease.

I am going to be...
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I spent New Years Day in the Emergency room. I was paying for my sins and weakness over the past 25 years roughly.

I was an addict by age 15, which is kind of late by group home/child welfare standards, but I was always a late bloomer.

Anyway, while in the worst state Ive been other than before having surgery for Crohns Disease, it made...
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I was born on February 9th, apparently this is the "Day of Sorrow" marked by lifelong suffering and unyielding strength. I can't claim I'm intentionally stoic, just that you are given choices, one of which is to continue, regardless of the hurt.

Tristan means "Child of Sorrow" RyuSei means "Dragon Energy" or "Power", and Tsuji is "at The Crossroads."

I have never settled in one...
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This year has been difficult for everyone, so when your name means "Child of Sorrow" the universe has to roll up its sleeves and really spank you red and raw.

My mother who abandoned me at age 7 started speaking to me this year, and I decided to forgive, to really and selfishly forgive. It was a choice that took all power to hurt me...
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The recent focus on Racism toward people of Asian descent has started a chain reaction that was long overdue.

The unreasonable expectation, the pressure, the stress and toxic shame that Asian people often feel in western settings is finally being glimpsed a little.

Fear, fear of losing ones place in the hierarchy of "almost" white minorities is a big factor in my opinion for why...
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