tristane

OhmygodIsleptwithmycaptain.

Not the "oh I've just been recruited and he is so cute on the phone". MY captain. Captain Armour.

I will never, ever, ever be able to tell anyone about this and you guys are the only ones who will find out! Whatever you do, don't tell anybody that might figure this out or I will never get a moments peace.

But I did. I went north last week and made a pit stop at the regiment on my way. I had nothing to do, the sun was shining and I had had a beer or two and thought it would be a good idea to send him a text and ask what you should do in town a sunny Tuesday. He suggested I'd come over for a beer, and I didn't see any reason not to. He's a fun guy, and now that he is not my captain anymore I figure we're just ordinary future colleagues. I trust people, and I knew I wouldn't be in any danger with him. It would be fun.

However I hadn't eaten for almost twenty-four hors, and when he passed me beer after beer and rounded up with a glass of wine and then a G&T I knew I was heading for trouble. I am never good with wine, and least of all with mixing all three; beer, liqueur and wine.

I got completely wasted. Com-plete-ly.

I woke up the next morning in his bed with vague and embarrassing memories of last night flashing before my eyes. I was still drunk. I also still had my pants on, which came as a relief. He was laying beside me. Nothing had happened last night, but I sort of knew it would now.

I can't believe I did it.

Now, let's make a few things clear. I was not too drunk to know what I was doing. He is not my boss, and not in any superior position any longer. I could have said no. I just chose not to.

Afterward we agreed that however nice it had been, it had never happened. I left around lunch time, after having gotten something to eat and watched Blades of Glory with him in the couch.
We decided that if anybody ask, we would say that he followed me up to the regiment to make sure I came home safe and sound, being the drunkard that I was. If anybody ever asked, I knew I wouldn't tell anybody.

But it is so odd. It was so much different from what I had thought. He was surprisingly gentle, treating me like I was really precious. He was even clean shaved, which I would ever have expected from him! Soft as silk he was... (Interesting, considering how the most common question from the blokes at the regiment after last time we ended up there was "Was he hairy?")
I got the feeling he really wanted to make everything right, no mistakes anywhere. It was an odd feeling, in contrast to the echoes of this spring that kept ringing in my head. Things have changed so much since then. Now he was sweeter than sugar, trying his very best to keep me out of trouble and harm's way. When I continued on my trip and made internet updates about being stuck in Stockholm for the night he immediately threatened to take the drive himself to keep me from sleeping at the train station, and kept making sure I had the money I needed and that I wouldn't be in more concern than I had to.

I don't know what to make of this. I still can't really wrap my head around it.

But it still puts a satisfied smile to my lips. Like a cat fresh from the hunt.