traumatron

A Christmas Tale, as recounted by Traumatron and Antenna.

fukd and bombd says:
shite. what to do... cant stay here or i'll go mad. my pissed-up sister nearly drowned in a pool of her own vomit last night.

traumatron says:
wow, thats a lot of vomit. is she ok now?

fukd and bombd says:
i think so. it was biggest puke pile i've ever seen. there were fully formed kebabs in there. and a small child

traumatron says:
what did the child make of the situation?

fukd and bombd says:
it went into a lengthy discourse about the meaning of the book of revelations

fukd and bombd says:
so we fed it to the dog

fukd and bombd says:
what are you doing for xmas?

traumatron says:
im rescuing children from the bellys of binge-drinkers.

traumatron says:
apparently, the new sweet drinks people are consuming are giving off such a strong aroma, that kids are just piling into the unwitting drunkards mouth - in search of sweeties.

traumatron says:
so i've got a fishing-rod with a bag of wine-gums on the end, to tempt the rascals out.

fukd and bombd says:
fucking hell. had no idea things were so bad.

fukd and bombd says:
i'll join the rescue mission

traumatron says:
you are very brave to do so. some of the drinkers can be quite volatile when exposed to a man waving his rod about.

traumatron says:
and mentioning kiddies.

fukd and bombd says:
hahahaha

traumatron says:
(stay in character please, this is art, you fucker)

fukd and bombd says:
sorry. that was an evil laugh.

fukd and bombd says:
mwahaha. you see?

traumatron says:
oh! oh i see. should've recognised. ears still have wine-gum residue in. sorry.

fukd and bombd says:
but what happens if the kids are themselves alkies? do you coat the wine gums in wine? something stronger?

traumatron says:
in that circumstance, the name of the sweeties alone should be enough to entice them out into the open.

fukd and bombd says:
handy

traumatron says:
i've pretty much thought of everything.

fukd and bombd says:
but what if the rod bearer succumbs to the allure of alcoholic breath and tries to climb inside aforementioned alkie?

fukd and bombd says:
i've seen it happen

traumatron says:
i have a gas mask.

traumatron says:
i shall recover our fallen brothers at all costs.

fukd and bombd says:
you must hurry. they're being digested as we speak

fukd and bombd says:
when the turkey and sprouts land on top of them, its all over.

traumatron says:
land?

traumatron says:
the turkey still lives?

fukd and bombd says:
of course. the dead turkey thing is all an illusion. to brainwash the populace into thinking that humans are really in control.

traumatron says:
then what is the meat really? is it...oh god no! not the children?!?!

fukd and bombd says:
yes, man. YES. NOW DO YOU SEE?

traumatron says:
i've been duped all along!!

traumatron says:
my good deeds - EVIL!

fukd and bombd says:
you can still cleanse your soul. go out into the world. tell them the truth. relay your message to the prophets, so that they may tell the world. start with Trisha, Edmonds and Schofield.

traumatron says:
well, im not fussed really. the job pays the bills, you know. I've got no real qualms about chowing on a nipper.

fukd and bombd says:
fair enough. me neither. quite tasty with some gravy. I'm going to make a nice cup of tea now. cheerio.

traumatron says:
bye bye then.

fukd and bombd says:
bye bye


Once again dear reader, we have presented to you a tale that shows the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Enjoy, while you can, you hideous child chomping monsters.