toi

I feel like I no longer hold a place anywhere...
I had to work Christmas Eve... so my family had it with out me...
My brother works till 9 and I am suppose to meet my cousin at nine... they are doing family stuff after I leave...
Ever since Allan has been gone its been held against me like its my fault and now that I don't live there all the time I am just not part of the family anymore...
Who do I talk to? Him? No... tried that... I don't exist to him either... My best friends? No they are plotting with my mother as to how to fix things with him even though I asked them to stay out of it...
Everytime I am gone for a few hours and don't pick up my phone I am asked 21 questions no matter where I go home to...
I hate living here because its just not working out... he gets way to jealous and wants a relationship.. I am not ready to put myself in a position to get hurt again... not a risk I am willing to take... I can't move home because I don't matter anymore... I feel like a failure at life whenever my mom brings up Allan or if I am seeing anyone new.

I still have psycho girl threatening to kill me so I ended my friendship or whatever it was with Mikey and I just feel completely defeated.........

Someone trade me a happier life........