tinyelvis

While I sit here in complete loneliness, AC/DC plays in the background. Harkening the times of close friends and fun times. We Americans think we deserve this fun. Think we deserve the American Dream, We, in which I mean me, almost take comfort in the fucking writing it all down here. When I should be talking to others about it. Infected with the disease of always being connected, I have become Disconnected. This is also affecting art in all forms. No one values it as a social function anymore. I have set my house/apartment up perfect. Knowing well enough, I am going to have five people up here in the next year. I got the coolest computer/techie gadgets/shower curtain one could have! My mother & my cat will both give me props on my dope shit. Doesn't quite fulfill the kind word I seek from outsiders. I have 42 days of music on my computer. I love music. Someone asked me today what kind of music I like...... I stumbled. Giving that lame ass excuse of an answer, "I like all kinds of music." Saturation of stimulation. Ive been waning over asking a girl at work out. She has given me every excuse to do so. Ive gone to work twice last week with the direct intent to take action. Fumble at the five yard line.x2 Thoughts go rambling thru my head like the dark cloud that follows me. I envision a cartoon rabbit with a small dark rainy cloud that follows him everywhere. I almost enjoy work too much. That's where people are. Its my party, and Im waiting for someone to start it.(patton)

Social isolation or disconnectedness?
Often, it's just plain loneliness.

I really am growing to love/HATE the fucking internet. Fucking internet dating??? Who was the mother fucking cock sucker who thought up that one? I remember riding my bike to little league baseball practice. Now that was a time of youth, curiosity, and ........... Ah who the fuck cares. I feel the walls of addiction caving in. If its not one thing, its another. I eat poorly. I drink too much. I drink too much soda. I bad touch(teeheehee) myself too much. I dont exercise. I should volunteer more. I should stop watching so much TV. Too many movies. Ive grown complacent in my art.

I have let 32 years go by. The last 6 or 7 have gone by in an instant. I see the life pass before me. I have frost over my eyes. A haze in the brain. My joints are rusted over. The usefulness of this vessel is almost obsolete. Dont worry gang, this is just a phase, just a rut. What is it going to take to get me out. A self discovery? An awakening? Turning over this 32 year old rock to expose a sweet ass underbelly! What am I trying to say? Why the fuck do these words come bubbling up? Emotions. answers. Hard work. Time and space. Bluegrass music????wtf.

What the fuck do you think of that fucker?