BATTLE LOG : DAY 4
My Dearest SG ,
I think about you often . I think about all of the fun we used to have together . About how we'd sit and laugh at dancing bananas and Chuck Norris jokes . How you would show me cute naked girls to make me smile . Those days seem so far away now . Almost an eternity ago .
The battle for my apartment has taken over my life now . The ants have been fortifying their positions and replenishing their ranks in epic proportions . I hit them almost continuously in daring seek and squash raids , but to no avail . There are just too many of them . I fear that I may never see you again SG . If the worst comes to pass , know that I always loved you . You can take comfort in the knowledge that I went out fighting .
Yours always ,
TinfoilHalo.
COMBAT UPDATE :
I have managed to capture a few of the ants and I am holding them as P.O.W.'s . While questioning them I have gotten some rather disturbing information . I was beginning to notice that they seemed to be almost TOO well prepared . Too cunning . How were they surviving my constant onslaughts ? Then I found out , and that knowledge has left me quite shaken . The ants have been trained by a terrorist cell of roaches calling themselves "La Cucaracha" . You may have heard of their attacks on the kitchens of US and British embassies around the world via CNN . They are a VERY dangerous group of insects . They are highly motivated and completely insane . There is to be NO peace between us and them until we have released their leader , Twinkie the Kid . Apparently they believe that since the only things that could survive complete nuclear devastation is cockroaches and Twinkies that they are somehow comrades in arms . I told you they were insane .
This breaking news has forced me to alter my plan of attack . I no longer feel that I can fight these ants with conventional tactics . I am forced to become just as bad as my enemy . If they will align themselves with terrorist roaches , I will enlist the aid of one of the most lethal mercenaries to ever walk the Earth . The scourge of the insect world .
They call him "The Black Wind " . His real name is unknown . This is the only photo of him in existence . He's wanted in twelve countries for numerous attacks on the insect community . He strikes without warning , quickly and precisely . Then he disappears without a trace . He is to ants what the Boogeyman is to us . They are terrified of him . I had to pull a LOT of strings , but I managed to find a guy who knows a guy...etc. I was finally able to contact him and explain my situation . After much deliberation , he agreed to "cleanse" my apartment of the vile intruders . If even half of the stories about this guy are true , he is the ONLY one who can help me . He's like MacGuyver ,The A-Team , and Godzilla all in one . Ants...your time has come .
Wish me luck...
My Dearest SG ,
I think about you often . I think about all of the fun we used to have together . About how we'd sit and laugh at dancing bananas and Chuck Norris jokes . How you would show me cute naked girls to make me smile . Those days seem so far away now . Almost an eternity ago .
The battle for my apartment has taken over my life now . The ants have been fortifying their positions and replenishing their ranks in epic proportions . I hit them almost continuously in daring seek and squash raids , but to no avail . There are just too many of them . I fear that I may never see you again SG . If the worst comes to pass , know that I always loved you . You can take comfort in the knowledge that I went out fighting .
Yours always ,
TinfoilHalo.
COMBAT UPDATE :
I have managed to capture a few of the ants and I am holding them as P.O.W.'s . While questioning them I have gotten some rather disturbing information . I was beginning to notice that they seemed to be almost TOO well prepared . Too cunning . How were they surviving my constant onslaughts ? Then I found out , and that knowledge has left me quite shaken . The ants have been trained by a terrorist cell of roaches calling themselves "La Cucaracha" . You may have heard of their attacks on the kitchens of US and British embassies around the world via CNN . They are a VERY dangerous group of insects . They are highly motivated and completely insane . There is to be NO peace between us and them until we have released their leader , Twinkie the Kid . Apparently they believe that since the only things that could survive complete nuclear devastation is cockroaches and Twinkies that they are somehow comrades in arms . I told you they were insane .
This breaking news has forced me to alter my plan of attack . I no longer feel that I can fight these ants with conventional tactics . I am forced to become just as bad as my enemy . If they will align themselves with terrorist roaches , I will enlist the aid of one of the most lethal mercenaries to ever walk the Earth . The scourge of the insect world .
They call him "The Black Wind " . His real name is unknown . This is the only photo of him in existence . He's wanted in twelve countries for numerous attacks on the insect community . He strikes without warning , quickly and precisely . Then he disappears without a trace . He is to ants what the Boogeyman is to us . They are terrified of him . I had to pull a LOT of strings , but I managed to find a guy who knows a guy...etc. I was finally able to contact him and explain my situation . After much deliberation , he agreed to "cleanse" my apartment of the vile intruders . If even half of the stories about this guy are true , he is the ONLY one who can help me . He's like MacGuyver ,The A-Team , and Godzilla all in one . Ants...your time has come .
Wish me luck...
dick_shrapnel:
Holy Fuck! MacGyver, the A-Team, and Godzilla? That is one badass little dude. I bet he could whup John Cena's pansy ass.