dick_shrapnel

Talladega Nights was a pretty good flick . I found it quite amusing , but not as much as Clerks 2 . So far , Clerks 2 is my surprise hit of the summer .

I haven't been able to prove this yet as the mathmatics of the whole thing seems to be quite daunting , but apparently on the first day that Tom & Katie were married they had already been married for 23 years . When Katie gave birth later that day it was to five babies , two of which were forty five years old at birth (THAT was a tough labor ) . They then spontaneously warped into the future where Katie exposed the president of the United Planets of Earthica as a highly advanced organic robot with plans of destroying the human race , while Tom beat Marty McFly in a hoverboard race . After that was completed they spontaneously warped back to an alternate dimensional Earth where they were worshipped as the Gods of Insanity and ruled for a thousand years . On the second day they were married they got divorced .

A wise man once said to me " Pudding is the only thing that keeps the dark spirits out of my head and holds the fabric of the universe together . "

I have no idea what that means , but he LOOKED realy wise when he said it .

Ninjas are interesting only in the fact that they choose to arm themselves with an odd assortment of sharp pointy implements of death instead of just buying a gun . Sure there's the theatrical value of sneaking up on somebody and then...SHLUNK!!!!...you plant a pointy metal star in somebody's head and/or filet them with a big honkin' sword . Folks will remember that . But come on...anything your pointy star O' puncturing can do , a high powered rifle can do from much farther away and with a lot messier aftermath , which is great too . Plus ninjas are just soooo' 80's .

And pirates ? Pirates are just gay ( Except Captain Morgan . He's okay in my book ).

[Edited on Apr 04, 2006 4:26PM]

I can see into alternate futures that will never be . I am therefore Claire-Variant .

I am also down with the Zimisms . I like to completely overreact to simple mistakes such as giving me Sprite instead of Coke at the drive-thru window and scream " FOOLS!!!! Now you will all be des-TROYED!!!!"

Fucking aliens . They always try to belittle my mighty deeds too . I wiped out an entire secret labrotory full of flying ninja zombie cyborgs and they just stand there snickering and crackin' wise . Go probe an anus you freaky big headed sons of bitches!!!!

This used to be an angry drunken rant, but I deleted it once I sobered up.