It suddenly dawned upon him that he hadn't been feeling himself most recently.
From out of nowhere the Events of the past two years had finally appeared to catch him up.
Along with the swagger, the smile and the chirpy persona,...
the confidence, the protective arms of strength and the sarcastic wit he was known and loved for, had all but disapeared.
It just,.... wasn't,..... like him.
To make matters worse,... he felt the sanctity of his castle had also been breached.
The Disco-tek, where he had undisputably ruled for many a night suddenly didn't appear to afford him the warmth and safety it had undeniably afforded him in the past.
His safe haven and stronghold had started to fall and Self doubts had arose as to where to go now.
Whilst Lady 2005 could in no way be bestowed or attributed with his downfall, it just so appeared she may have been the key to unlock a thousand and one doors that had been previously closed in his wake.
Had he in the past, whole heartedly chose to confront those demons which had lain behind said doors when presenting themselves forth, and defeated them one by one rather than lock them away for a rainy day, his present state of mind may have been avoided.
Whilst those closest had noticed that all was not right, ranks were closed and a message was sent to the rest to notify his absence under the pretense of a cold.
T'will hopefully be a short absence but one that is needed for him to start afresh and arise from the ashes of scalliwag of old.
As a reminder of hope for a delayed new beginning, a friend returned to him an email he had sent her in December 2003 it read,......
Date: thurs 18 Dec 2003 15:36:27
now then now then now then, goodness gracious, what have we got 'ere then
Allo,.... how's you then...?
Me,...I'm "almost" cool for a change. Tuesday I had the coolest of days. It was good, it was better than good, it was damn good !
I took time out for me. I bought clothes with the Divorce settlement payment and had a very nice pasta lunch at Pizza Express with a friend from the Legal Department.
Junior's Christmas Play was the best thing ever. I cried. One of the other mums cried too and we shared a tissue ! The Mums Mafia where not in attendance, AND, I was allowed to pick junior up after school for the first time ever ! He was so thrilled his dad was there to take him home.
Then on the night, I went to Chiquitos for Mexican and onto the Lamp for some heavy bass toons with another friend from the service. We had a right laff, best day ever for a long long time. That was my Christmas day, can't see it getting much better than that. Well apart from the obvious with Junior
Today I feel like I'm coming down after a week on the "phet", back to ground zero !
I've been thinking about the future and New Years Resolutions and all that sort of thing. This year I'm going to make some, and more importantly, do my best to stick to them. Nothing earth shatteringly ground breaking or original, but a few things to take me and my little life forward.
1) Be true to myself and true to my word.
I've always advised others to do this but never followed my own advice.
2) Honesty is the new Deceit !
I'm thinking next year I should make a bit of time for myself now and again. Maybe even return to the land of the living, if I say I'm going to do something then I should do it rather than just thinking about it. Its time to be honest and to not hide things from other people. Time to stop being a different person for different people and varying situations.
There's too many people not being themselves right now, Too many people not saying what they want to say, or should be saying. Too many games being played and not enough honesty going on. People seem to be too scared to say what they want to say or what they should be saying for fear of rejection, upsetting friends and family, or just thinking their problems will go away or that the grass is greener on the other side.
3) Smile at Strangers. Nobody smiles anymore. You walk down the street, and people either look away or give blank expressions, I know I tend to do it quite a bit. Not any more. Next year I'm going in with a smile to knock em dead.
So, Me and the single market huh ? You think I'm ready for it ?
Its not easy out there i know, but then it depends on what you're looking for doesn't it ? Long lasting love and that extra special relationship, or some good old fashioned fun fun fun.
I just need to be careful what i let myself in for. As long as i'm prepared like a good little boy scout going in armed and balmed, i'll be ready to call the shots ensuring emotional damage limitations are strictly limited. Then my little broken heart won't get smashed to pieces again will it ?
Having said that I'm quite happy being me right now, weird really, but I'm actually happy on my own at this moment in time.
I'm ready to get Christmas over and out of the way, I'll miss Junior like crazy, that's why I'm ready to get it over with, but I'm also ready for a fresh start to the New Year and a new life.
I'm viewing the house on Saturday morning. I won't have it before Christmas, which is a shame, but hopefully I'll have the chance for a new start in the new year. In some ways its probably better that way, there's no temptation to do anything silly with anyone silly in the new pad, and therefore have no regrets over gross or minor misdemeanours that I may have been tempted by over the festive period !
I am sort of tempted to ask a certain some one out if she comes in over Christmas, but knowing me I probably won't ! And if I did she'd probably die on the spot and say get lost Grandad ! Nothing serious, I just sort of think they're sweet, and would like to be friends with them. Friends are cool, its nice to go out with them and know there's no ulterior motive at the end of the night or great expectations from either side, which is why Tuesday was so great.
Any how enough waffle form me, boring boring yawnsville, one week today and it'll all be over bar the shouting won't it ?
be good, be safe,.....
That was something to think about he thought. If only he had remembered all he had said just such a short time ago.
But then it's never too late to Smile at Strangers and knock 'em dead is it ?
From out of nowhere the Events of the past two years had finally appeared to catch him up.
Along with the swagger, the smile and the chirpy persona,...
the confidence, the protective arms of strength and the sarcastic wit he was known and loved for, had all but disapeared.
It just,.... wasn't,..... like him.
To make matters worse,... he felt the sanctity of his castle had also been breached.
The Disco-tek, where he had undisputably ruled for many a night suddenly didn't appear to afford him the warmth and safety it had undeniably afforded him in the past.
His safe haven and stronghold had started to fall and Self doubts had arose as to where to go now.
Whilst Lady 2005 could in no way be bestowed or attributed with his downfall, it just so appeared she may have been the key to unlock a thousand and one doors that had been previously closed in his wake.
Had he in the past, whole heartedly chose to confront those demons which had lain behind said doors when presenting themselves forth, and defeated them one by one rather than lock them away for a rainy day, his present state of mind may have been avoided.
Whilst those closest had noticed that all was not right, ranks were closed and a message was sent to the rest to notify his absence under the pretense of a cold.
T'will hopefully be a short absence but one that is needed for him to start afresh and arise from the ashes of scalliwag of old.
As a reminder of hope for a delayed new beginning, a friend returned to him an email he had sent her in December 2003 it read,......
Date: thurs 18 Dec 2003 15:36:27
now then now then now then, goodness gracious, what have we got 'ere then
Allo,.... how's you then...?
Me,...I'm "almost" cool for a change. Tuesday I had the coolest of days. It was good, it was better than good, it was damn good !
I took time out for me. I bought clothes with the Divorce settlement payment and had a very nice pasta lunch at Pizza Express with a friend from the Legal Department.
Junior's Christmas Play was the best thing ever. I cried. One of the other mums cried too and we shared a tissue ! The Mums Mafia where not in attendance, AND, I was allowed to pick junior up after school for the first time ever ! He was so thrilled his dad was there to take him home.
Then on the night, I went to Chiquitos for Mexican and onto the Lamp for some heavy bass toons with another friend from the service. We had a right laff, best day ever for a long long time. That was my Christmas day, can't see it getting much better than that. Well apart from the obvious with Junior
Today I feel like I'm coming down after a week on the "phet", back to ground zero !
I've been thinking about the future and New Years Resolutions and all that sort of thing. This year I'm going to make some, and more importantly, do my best to stick to them. Nothing earth shatteringly ground breaking or original, but a few things to take me and my little life forward.
1) Be true to myself and true to my word.
I've always advised others to do this but never followed my own advice.
2) Honesty is the new Deceit !
I'm thinking next year I should make a bit of time for myself now and again. Maybe even return to the land of the living, if I say I'm going to do something then I should do it rather than just thinking about it. Its time to be honest and to not hide things from other people. Time to stop being a different person for different people and varying situations.
There's too many people not being themselves right now, Too many people not saying what they want to say, or should be saying. Too many games being played and not enough honesty going on. People seem to be too scared to say what they want to say or what they should be saying for fear of rejection, upsetting friends and family, or just thinking their problems will go away or that the grass is greener on the other side.
3) Smile at Strangers. Nobody smiles anymore. You walk down the street, and people either look away or give blank expressions, I know I tend to do it quite a bit. Not any more. Next year I'm going in with a smile to knock em dead.
So, Me and the single market huh ? You think I'm ready for it ?
Its not easy out there i know, but then it depends on what you're looking for doesn't it ? Long lasting love and that extra special relationship, or some good old fashioned fun fun fun.
I just need to be careful what i let myself in for. As long as i'm prepared like a good little boy scout going in armed and balmed, i'll be ready to call the shots ensuring emotional damage limitations are strictly limited. Then my little broken heart won't get smashed to pieces again will it ?
Having said that I'm quite happy being me right now, weird really, but I'm actually happy on my own at this moment in time.
I'm ready to get Christmas over and out of the way, I'll miss Junior like crazy, that's why I'm ready to get it over with, but I'm also ready for a fresh start to the New Year and a new life.
I'm viewing the house on Saturday morning. I won't have it before Christmas, which is a shame, but hopefully I'll have the chance for a new start in the new year. In some ways its probably better that way, there's no temptation to do anything silly with anyone silly in the new pad, and therefore have no regrets over gross or minor misdemeanours that I may have been tempted by over the festive period !
I am sort of tempted to ask a certain some one out if she comes in over Christmas, but knowing me I probably won't ! And if I did she'd probably die on the spot and say get lost Grandad ! Nothing serious, I just sort of think they're sweet, and would like to be friends with them. Friends are cool, its nice to go out with them and know there's no ulterior motive at the end of the night or great expectations from either side, which is why Tuesday was so great.
Any how enough waffle form me, boring boring yawnsville, one week today and it'll all be over bar the shouting won't it ?
be good, be safe,.....
That was something to think about he thought. If only he had remembered all he had said just such a short time ago.
But then it's never too late to Smile at Strangers and knock 'em dead is it ?
They'd all love to see you. Whaddaya say? Percolate a little
Cheers, man! All is well out your door.