Saturday Apr 07, 2007

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i used to be so fucking passionate about writing, but i was an unhappy child and it was always just easier to write a metaphor for how shitty life was than it was to just fucking deal with it. now i've resorted to boring and mediocre rambles plastered here to fill up space. somedays i wish i could be sad again just so i could write one fucking good prose, but how can anyone be sad when they are waking up to a gorgeous baby every morning and are hopelessly in love with a sexy sunkist_sudafed. i only wish i could have learnt how to write so passionately when everything was wonderful, but i've always been attracted to melancholy; happiness never ceases to intrigue me. maybe i just need a story to tell..... so i spent the night reading old poetry and dirty prose. when i was finished reading the 7 years worth of words i had a knot in my stomach - it brought up a lot of emotions i forgot i had... i guess after 7 years of broken brending hearts, i still haven't found closure.

i think i'll spend my maternity leave making a book of all my old works; hopefully this will inspire me to start writing again because i really miss that part of me.

also, while going through all my old goodies, i found a funny story that happend the winter i taught snowboarding in nakiska that i had completely forgot about and made me crack up... (this is NOTTTTT an example of "passionate writing" that i was referring to, but maybe sometime in the near future i will share an example.)

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

'Hey girlie, where are you going?'
'Huh?' I mumbled looking up from the icy midnight sidewalks.
'Where are you going?' repeated the pack of three more than likely horney, pre-pubescent pigs.
'Home.'
'Isn't a little early to be going home?'
'I have to work in a few hours,' I replied.
'Well, come for a walk with me, I need someone to talk to - I had a bad night.' said one of them.
He grabbed my hand, so obediently and overfed with vodka paralyzers, Smirnoff Ice, and $10 martinis courtesy of some guy I'd only known hour I followed him.
'I'm sorry I just have to do this,' He said before thrusting his lips upon mine.
After we were rolling around in the snow for a while it finally occured to me what the hell was going on, 'Dude, I don't even know your name.'
'It's Matt,' he said before kissing me again.
'I gotta go home. I have to work in the morning.' I said, brushing off the snow from my clothes.
'I'll walk you home then,' he said following me. 'I'm so glad I met you tonight.'
'You're just glad, cuz you got a piece of ass.'
'I'm not like that.'
'Yes you are, all guys are like that.'
'I'm not like all guys.'
'You just have all the lines in the book tonight, don't you buddy?' By this time we were in the door of my room and he starts to undress himself.
'What are you doing?' I asked completely confused.
'Can I sleep with you?'
'No,' I said before he started taking off my pants.
'Can I give you head?' He asked jumping into bed, 'I like giving girls head.'
'Get out of my room!'
'Can't I just stay here and cuddle with you?'
'No, get the hell out of my room.'
'Can I have your phone number?'
I slapped the numbers on a piece of paper, threw it at him and told him to leave.
'Wait, I lost it. I need it again.'
'Just leave.' I ordered.
'Okay, well I am going to leave my clothes here, so I have a reason to come back here,' he told me before slamming the door behind him clothesless.

I passed out on my bed only waking up to find a stack of his clothes in the corner of my room in which I gave away to one of my roomates.
----
I'm also pretty sure I still have his touque and I'm pretty sure that sunkist_sudafed has worn it a few times.. haha!



VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
trixxx:
I am having a simular problem, I have been unhappy for most of my life and that helped with my art and writing but now I feel so joyful and have no reason to not feel blessed every day when I look at these munchkins and that makes it hard to feel or emote anything else...
lela:
well i hope you get in to see your guy soon! i can't wait to come up and get some work done. i'm too impatient to finish off my back first! i'll probably feel guilty/bad when i take my shirt off to get my back done and my guy sees my new ink from someone else, but he needs to stop being so goddamn busy and booked up and maybe i wouldn't tattoo-cheat on him. hah! what do they say about tattoos and breastfeeding? i never had enough cash to get tattoos anyways so i never bothered reading any of that info.

it was kinda relationship-y. we talked about books and authors and music and got it on while listening to the white stripes in a greenhouse with plants and a hot tub and huge windows. hes a super rad dude and i'm glad i am getting to know him better - he just better not mess with my vulnerable lil self too much!! i can't take any mind games, drama, or rejection, and when ya get close to someone else there is always the risk of that happening - unfortunately! meh.

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