Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

tigersaint

Member Since 2002

Followers 16 Following 1

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Tuesday Feb 18, 2003

Feb 17, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
the thirty-fourth night:

i am relieved that i no longer get crushes, but rather cultivate obsessions.

this morning i practiced knots around my ankles, and then i opened my window wide, to let the cold air in

i laid on top of my bedsheets, ankles tied and legs pulled together with cords, this time lacing through the leg holes of my underwear, pulling it at angles, exposing me.

i wore an old wifebeater i stole from my father when i was 16, the same night i stole old forgotten ties from him, the first night i tied myself up in private.

i remember that night, i was alone in my big bed, the bed i first tasted a lover in, the bed a lover first tasted me in. the bed with the wooden posters and the headboard where, if you look on the back, you can see the places i dug my nails in, for years, from lovers and from my own private pleasure.

i tied my father's ties around my legs and throat, i pulled them across my eyes and gagged myself. i tried to figure out a way to tie my wrists together, but the best i managed was to tie one behind my back, pinning it there with the other free to fuck myself, which i did in that bed, with my bedroom door unlocked, for hours into the night, under the covers, until i was sore, until i had twisted so much that the ties left burns on my ankles, until i couldn't feel my pinned arm anymore.

i unwrapped myself and hid the ties and then put on the wifebeater, the cotton soft and old even then.

this time, though, i took my x-acto knife and i cut careful lines through the worn cotton, watching my light skin come through the white in the dark. i dragged the knife across my ribs and stomach, down along the criss-crosses of the cords and the edge of my panties.

the cold air and the blade brought intense goosebumps up all over my skin.

i played with the idea of marking myself, but i don't want that to be a solitary act--i'd like to find someone i trust

and let him or her bind me up so i can't change my mind

and i'd like them to mark me, something beautiful and fine.

it would be the first planned modification to my skin; like my other scars it would tell a story, but this time it would be my own.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
n:
trevor brown
Feb 20, 2003
n:
yeah, you and gea both.

i love the subject matter but not crazy about the media...

[Edited on Feb 20, 2003]
Feb 20, 2003

More Blogs

  • 02.07.03
    7

    Saturday Feb 08, 2003

    the twenty-eighth night: "Our responsibilities did not begin in dr…
  • 02.06.03
    4

    Friday Feb 07, 2003

    the twenty-seventh night: i spent the night alone, making myself i…
  • 02.05.03
    4

    Thursday Feb 06, 2003

    the twenty-sixth night: tonight, i shook a man's hand and it made …
  • 02.04.03
    6

    Tuesday Feb 04, 2003

    the twenty-fifth night: i lay a bedsheet soaked through with my dr…
  • 02.03.03
    4

    Monday Feb 03, 2003

    the twenty-fourth night: i close my heart back up in the same trus…
  • 02.02.03
    4

    Sunday Feb 02, 2003

    the twenty-third night: i was given a bed, and even a room. the b…
  • 01.28.03
    2

    Tuesday Jan 28, 2003

    the twenty-second night: listen, i am tired and cold. i am bleedi…
  • 01.25.03
    11

    Sunday Jan 26, 2003

    the twenty-first night: i am a poor, broke, humble girl but tonigh…
  • 01.22.03
    5

    Thursday Jan 23, 2003

    the twentieth night: 330am, alone. there is a storm outside, hi…
  • 01.21.03
    3

    Wednesday Jan 22, 2003

    the nineteenth night: he's been taking photographs of my face whil…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
22
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,600 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,946 followers
  • 14,947,706 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,460,371 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo