Monday Apr 14, 2003

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dear friends,

i will not be writing here anymore.

if you would like to continue reading me, you can do so at http://exactoknife.diaryland.com

thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read me.

i hope you are all well.

your friend,
t-saint
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
tara81:
ohhh, wonderful knowing you smile
monovox:
I broke down and came back. I am hope to see your words again on dairyland... it has been a while.

Thursday Apr 10, 2003

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the forty-seventh night:

UnTigreDePapier (9:40:20 PM): i like how you laugh at random things i say. : ]
secretbruises (9:40:45 PM): sometimes you say the funniest things
UnTigreDePapier (9:41:46 PM): did you know we dream an average of 6 years of our life?
secretbruises (9:42:17 PM): that is beautiful.
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holdensolo:
Sweeeeeet Caroline "ba-da-da" good times never seemed so good.
I've been inclined "ba-da-da" to believe they never would. But now I -
(breath)
Look at the night
and it don't seem so lonely
we fill it up with only two.

And when I hurt
hurtin' runs off my shoulders
how can I hurt when holdin' you ?
stendec:
And yet we sleep for about 25.

Saturday Apr 05, 2003

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the forty-sixth night:

i was asked, "what do you believe in?"

i believe in people's ability to be cruel.

i believe in loneliness and the scars that it gives.

i believe in canvas, paint and sewing together your own books.

i believe the act of licking an envelope to seal it is akin to a soft wet kiss.

i believe in locks, secrets and watching...
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rickroyal:
I believe in things which others tell me are silly.
mrzablowdowski:
you my pillow

Friday Apr 04, 2003

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the forty-fifth night:

since the day that his mother was stabbed, eddie was living in a kind of half world, where the world that we inhabit was like vellum covered photographs--he could make out the shapes and colors of the people who once populated his life, but he saw them through blown out shadows, white light like gauze obscuring his view.

in the place of...
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mrzablowdowski:
...oops!look back
another prespective in another person
another of yours always happy to read

Monday Mar 31, 2003

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the forty-fourth night:

if we ever meet, ask me to show you the marks on the inside of my thighs.

they hold great stories, but only to be told over whiskey neat and many cigarettes.
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seth0067:
Well any bar in NYC is out then. So... It will have to be my place I guess.
rexphantom:
I downloaded Show Respect to Michael Jackson--and you are so right. I was afraid of listening to his band for so long because I was worried I wouldn't like them, but they're quite catchy.

Monday Mar 31, 2003

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the forty-third night:

tonight i sat on my steps, letting the rain fall on me for what seemed like hours.

i turned my face up to the sky, hoping the rain would rinse me clean of all the sadness that i felt, all the sadness that washed over me today without warning and without mercy.

and sitting there in the rain, i was brought back...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
_v_:
that was sad
sorry darlin
i am sad today
rickroyal:
Nearly invisible marks which need to be stroked, kissed, and licked. Let a lover trace the remains of pain and leave moist trails.

Thursday Mar 27, 2003

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the forty-second night:

i have been set free.

my heart feels as if it contains a thousand birds, all leaving cages into a wide blue sky.

i am alone again and

i can't stop smiling.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
johnnysuicide:
i like twisted stufff my self...u have any other links or stuff i could look up?
johnnysuicide:
Thanks...anytime u want to b.s. about anything just stop on by. skull

Tuesday Mar 25, 2003

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the forty-first night:

the second list:

-the smell of my hair against my pillow in the morning, when my head is just coming out of sleep
-the click of a camera
-the first burn of whiskey as it slides down my throat
-when a secret smile is shared in a crowd
-my name when i hear it on the lips of someone i like
-finding...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rickroyal:
Your name hoarsely whispered, over and over, afterwards. Mmm, yes.

Quite important, I should think. Important indeed.
xxanastasiaxx:
is there anything better then hearing the person you like most saying your name? especially when it's all so new.....mmmmmmmmmmm.

Saturday Mar 22, 2003

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the fortieth night:

when i open myself up to someone, or at least, when i begin to let myself think about letting someone in,

at first there is a great euphoria and relief, the loneliness of keeping myself locked up inside myself a heavy burden that at least momentarily seems lifted.

and then comes the moment, the morning, or the middle of the night terror,...
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drshenanigans:
yes yes, arrived and consumed and look out in your box for the response, this week, weekend, or next monday depending on the coast travel times. it was a great one, and i can't give you enough gratitude except in that i return one to you.
grooverider:

Agent Stendec got off his seat and started marching towards the elevator- Level 4 he muttered as the doors closed. From all the people in the world, I had to save HER this is the LAST thing I need right now- shell go on and on about the cause, and call me a greedy, self centered fool like she always does as those thoughts crossed his mind, Stendec could not help noticing that his hands were performing the little tasks one makes to better ones appearance.

Level 4. the computers female voice announced.

Stendec stepped out and examined the small escape pod. He knocked 3 times, not knowing exactly why he did so. Yes?!? The familiar voice, carrying with it a fair amount of impatience, sounded muffled from within the small vessel.
Can you come out?
The door is stuck there was a small pause followed by a somewhat painful resignation- Ill need your help
A tiny smile appeared on Stendecs face.
Ok- hang on Stendec turned his gaze to his tool rack in the corner- there was a small but powerful blowtorch, a robotic auxiliary arm-enhancer, an electronic lock scrambler no- this will require something a little more powerful.

Inside the pod a movement was felt- the small metallic sphere rose from the ground, and began to shake violently. WAIT! shouted the muffled voice from within WAIT! The hatch is pointing dowaaaAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

From his seat at the tall forklift, Stendec watched as the pods hatch swung on its hinges, causing the person inside to drop down from 15 feet into a large pile of soft little Styrofoam cubes- leftovers from his latest smuggling expedition of ancient Wovani glasswork. Content with his little joke, Stendec began descending down a small ladder. He circled the forklift, and approached the open container. You can come out now
There was no answer.
Come on, I dont have all day-Well come out of hyperspace in an hour- I need to brief you on the details. Silence.
Tiger?
A terrible thought crossed his mind- she may have hit her head on the containers edge Tiger! Stendec jumped in and started rummaging through the containers contents- there was nothing there. What the..? Stendec did not get a chance to finish his sentence- the container was up in the air, held tightly between the forklifts clamps. He lifted his head from the foam to see HER sitting high above ground- the vehicle controls in her hands. that sneaky cat! He forgot how good she was at what she did- guerilla tactics were based mostly on sneaking OK- you got me, he said with a laugh- you can let me down now!
Her reply wasnt the one he was hoping for- In a minute- when Im done.
The forklift started spinning on its own axel, slowly at first and gaining speed with each circle. Stendecs eyes started to water- Tiger! Stop this at once All he could hear was her rolling laughter. He started to feel sick.
I am still captain of this ship! That didnt make her too happy, as was evident by the added element of up and down to the almost tolerable round and round.
OK- YOU WIN, IM SORRY!!!
apparently, that was the correct answer- the large box dropped to the floor. A stumbling Stendec rolled out of it and dropped to the floor. He remained there, lying on his back, listening to her footsteps drawing near.
Nice to see you again. She extended her hand and helped him up with a single strong motion.
Nice to see you too... He tried to focus his eyes- her image slowly coming to a halt. Small, fair in complexion, with two interesting birth marks on her nose- The Tiger Marks that were legendary by now. Her piercing green eyes seemed to stare right through him- they were the only indication that this delicate creature was a famed General.
She was wearing the usual rebels camouflage rags- sewn and mended so many times, to the point that Stendec found it hard to tell the patches from the original garment.
On her utility belt was her only visible weapon- a large hunting knife. It was long, white and had no hand guard on its handle.
Youre carrying a Kris knife. He said, trying to hide his own surprise.
I suppose I am. She said plainly.
Stendec knew what it took to earn one of those. So you actually
Yes I did.
She turned around and started marching towards the elevator. You said something about a briefing?
Stendec remained standing and watched her as she walked away. This is going to be a long mission


Saturday Mar 15, 2003

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the thirty-ninth night:

our irresistible benefactor returned last night, his dark chocolate velvet voice coming through the phone with laughing charm. from the moment i heard his low end growl i knew that an evening previously scheduled for smoking, books and lounging around on my bed watching the wall would instead be a decadent and intellectually stimulating feast of food, wine and words.

did we...
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seth0067:
Remind me please not to read your journal during work hours...
mrzablowdowski:
*gulp*

Sunday Mar 02, 2003

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the thirty-eighth night:

i have been drowning myself in whiskey and music. i have been bringing up memories that i need to get out here, that i need to pull up from under my skin. but i am not ready to write about them. all in due time, i suppose.

i haven't cum in days, but i have been teasing myself until i am on...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
seth0067:
Adonde estas le tigre?
_v_:
where have you been my dear

Tuesday Feb 25, 2003

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the thirty-seventh night:

i am ashamed of how soft i am on the inside.

i read this recently and i wrote it on the inside of my arm, to remind myself; i sat down in the stacks at the library and pulled my shirt off of my arm so that i could write it from the inside of my bicep down to my wrist:

"You...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
stendec:
Maybe.
tara81:
I am so soft inside that it often hurts.
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