well.
the last two weeks have been a whirlwind. i have some pretty big news, but i'll tell you about south carolina first.
we got there the day after hurricane charlie had stormed through. when we got to sullivan's island (off the coast near charleston) it was night, and the sound of frogs was almost deafening. i'm not exaggerating. FROG JAMBOREE. the room i was staying in was right by a sliding glass door. i went to step into the back yard and was caught up short by the sheer number of frogs on the glass door alone!! at least fifty. cute as fucking hell, but as soon as i opened the door, they all took it as an invitation and starting jumping in. i escorted them back outside, and decided to just stay in for the night. i fell asleep listening to their chorus, and thinking of the last time i had encountered so many amphibians. 9 years ago, living in humboldt county, for a period of two months there were frogs everywhere i went. on the door, in the shower, on the floor at work, in my bed, in my car, in my water glass....and it was all during an emotionally trying and difficult time. months later i learned that frogs can signify a time of cleansing and new beginnings. in south carolina last week, somewhere in the back of my mind i mumbled to myself..."brace yourself".
the rest of the week was actually pretty uneventful. lots of swimming, lots of dolphin sightings, and (for those of you who remember last year) i got to swim with them again. the closest i got was 4 feet away. watched as they hunted for fish in the shallows...at points they threw themselves 3/4 out of the water onto the shore, and thrashed the water with their tails while the fish went flying. then they'd slither back in and chow down.
when i came back home, i was immediately overwhelmed with the stress that has been building on me for months around going to graduate school. my financial debt continues to spiral out of my control, my job situation is about to shift to almost no hours, and my living space is not set up to accomodate embarking on a new career.
the morning after i got back, i awoke early, took leo for a walk, came home, called my family and sobbed on the phone for 2 hours. after processing with them, my mom letting me vent, and my dad giving me one of his famous pep talks, i realized...i am in no position to go back to school. it's not about being scared of the responsibility, it's not about being scared of change, fear of the future, self doubt....it's about it NOT BEING THE RIGHT TIME.
so. i'm deferring my enrollment...probably for another year!
i just need this time to get ready...psychologically, financially, emotionally. i need to tie up as many loose ends as possible...material and immaterial...because it's going to call for a huge life shift.
and who knows? in a years time i might gain more clarity into what i really want to do with this degree...and perhaps make going to school obsolete! and wouldn't that be a relief...geezus...if i can figure out how to make my life work without $40,000 of school loans, what's to lose!!
anyway, for now, i'll be dreaming of frogs...
the last two weeks have been a whirlwind. i have some pretty big news, but i'll tell you about south carolina first.
we got there the day after hurricane charlie had stormed through. when we got to sullivan's island (off the coast near charleston) it was night, and the sound of frogs was almost deafening. i'm not exaggerating. FROG JAMBOREE. the room i was staying in was right by a sliding glass door. i went to step into the back yard and was caught up short by the sheer number of frogs on the glass door alone!! at least fifty. cute as fucking hell, but as soon as i opened the door, they all took it as an invitation and starting jumping in. i escorted them back outside, and decided to just stay in for the night. i fell asleep listening to their chorus, and thinking of the last time i had encountered so many amphibians. 9 years ago, living in humboldt county, for a period of two months there were frogs everywhere i went. on the door, in the shower, on the floor at work, in my bed, in my car, in my water glass....and it was all during an emotionally trying and difficult time. months later i learned that frogs can signify a time of cleansing and new beginnings. in south carolina last week, somewhere in the back of my mind i mumbled to myself..."brace yourself".
the rest of the week was actually pretty uneventful. lots of swimming, lots of dolphin sightings, and (for those of you who remember last year) i got to swim with them again. the closest i got was 4 feet away. watched as they hunted for fish in the shallows...at points they threw themselves 3/4 out of the water onto the shore, and thrashed the water with their tails while the fish went flying. then they'd slither back in and chow down.
when i came back home, i was immediately overwhelmed with the stress that has been building on me for months around going to graduate school. my financial debt continues to spiral out of my control, my job situation is about to shift to almost no hours, and my living space is not set up to accomodate embarking on a new career.
the morning after i got back, i awoke early, took leo for a walk, came home, called my family and sobbed on the phone for 2 hours. after processing with them, my mom letting me vent, and my dad giving me one of his famous pep talks, i realized...i am in no position to go back to school. it's not about being scared of the responsibility, it's not about being scared of change, fear of the future, self doubt....it's about it NOT BEING THE RIGHT TIME.
so. i'm deferring my enrollment...probably for another year!
i just need this time to get ready...psychologically, financially, emotionally. i need to tie up as many loose ends as possible...material and immaterial...because it's going to call for a huge life shift.
and who knows? in a years time i might gain more clarity into what i really want to do with this degree...and perhaps make going to school obsolete! and wouldn't that be a relief...geezus...if i can figure out how to make my life work without $40,000 of school loans, what's to lose!!
anyway, for now, i'll be dreaming of frogs...
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
I hear you on the student loans bonanza. I've felt paralyzed by debt since I even took a small business loan of 15 grand on top of my 30 grand I owe already for school. But you know what? You're doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row *before* jumping into it again.