throttlebitch

So today is the second anniversary of my last surgery. Which was my third surgery and the worst of all because a got a terrible infection. Prior to the surgery I quit smoking and drinking coffee. Since the surgery I've tried to change how I approach the world so I can be as healthy as possible physically and mentally. Short of being a Mormon, I've been a very good girl.

Which is why I'm pissed. I'm pissed that I've done so many things right but I continue to be in daily pain. And I don't want it to be getting slowly worse but it is. It isn't the diverticulosis, that stuff is doing awesome. It's the scar tissue constantly breaking up. It's that I have to modify my day and how I do everything to accommodate the pain and damage to my body from all these surgeries. And I can go to the doctor and they will tell me about what they can do. Ultimately the answer will be surgery, again, which means more scar tissue. But may give me the ability to ride a bike more than 12 blocks and not need 3 days to recover. Or maybe even to have a day that I'm not in pain.

I don't really feel like celebrating too much today because I know that this is my third second anniversary, and likely not my last. I'm a little pissed off about that because I've tried really really hard to not be in this spot again. I'm not going out to celebrate, but I will have a shot of tequila.