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thistle

san francisco

SG Since 2003

Followers 1810 Following 389

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Thursday Jul 29, 2004

Jul 29, 2004
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So many things I want to say, where to begin.

Ok. I want to get a degree in biochem and/or molecular biology. I'm currently about a year away from a degree in literature. If I get a degree in literature it will be a lot harder to get financial aid for a second bachelor's degree. But I don't want to and probably won't be able to have a career that involves my lit degree. I also don't much want to just quit literature. I should probably get some info from the schools I'm interested in.

I've been kind of down in the dumps off and on lately. It's a combination of a lot of factors: my joblessness, my getting off hormonal birth control, my lack of certainty about anything. I'm not sure if this is a symptom or a cause, but I keep thinking about how I don't have a best friend. My dude tells me little things about him and his best friend, and it bums me out because I've never really had someone like that. Someone that was always there for me, that was always on my side, that I could do anything with and talk to about anything. It doesn't help that his best friend hates me, so I can't even participate in their friendship. The whole situation just gets me so sad and frustrated and jealous, and then I look around at the rest of my social life and I just don't have anyone to depend on. Sometimes I get so sad and jealous of their friendship that I feel like I can't take it.

Another stressor on our relationship is that we're both just coming out of long relationships. Mine was really difficult, and I think his was too in some ways. I've been hurt a lot of times by a lot of different people and I'm scared to get into something again. I'm trying not to take it too seriously but I'm already really attached. Yar.

Any advice on any of these issues would be much appreciated, especially on dealing with jealousy and depressive impulses.
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
faseplant:
I feel you on that. I think it might be just a transitional phase right now. I always feel like I don't have a best friend either. I know I don't have a best friend like most people do, at least. And never really have, either. I just have "friends" that I hang out with. Wouldn't it be great to have a friend who would take a bullet for you? *sigh*

I also just got out of a VERY long term relationship. I was actually really depressed when I got to thee Parkside because she text messaged me on my way over, and I've spoken to her like twice since we broke up. Gah! Well, if you ever wanna just chit chat about shit like that, gimme a holler, k? Hope I see you tonight!
Jul 30, 2004
faseplant:
Yeah, that's tonight. You should come!
Jul 31, 2004

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