Ya gotta love Chuck for shit like this!!
* "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. I wanted to destroy something beautiful."
"You're not your job. You're not how...
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* "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. I wanted to destroy something beautiful."
"You're not your job. You're not how...
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penguinscheme:
happy b-day!
Hey, sorry everybody I'm not around much, I finishing work in two days though. I'm not reading your journals because I'm hardly ever on the website. I'll get at it later but for now I can't quite figure out what to write on here anymore. I suppose I'm having some sort of Kung Fu paradigm shift.
Good times were had, and better ones are yet...
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Good times were had, and better ones are yet...
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Where the fuck was I?
Well I was sober and I didn't feel like talking.
Too much paranoia going on but at least I can sleep and I have money in my bank account.
I'm still thankfull for Wing Chun though, it's helping me through. Slowly...
Well I was sober and I didn't feel like talking.
Too much paranoia going on but at least I can sleep and I have money in my bank account.
I'm still thankfull for Wing Chun though, it's helping me through. Slowly...
lemonkid:
You have been invited to the City of Willows.
torai:
OK has the Vulture flown, cause i can see he hasnt been here much.
Ok, you need not worry, not that you would but hey, let me bathe in my self-centeredness. I'm writing this for myself after-all. The voices have gone away, for a while anyway. Well I've told them to go fuck themselves. And it works ok.
"For most I appear normal. Now, although I am not exactly so, I am closer to equilibrium than I believe to...
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"For most I appear normal. Now, although I am not exactly so, I am closer to equilibrium than I believe to...
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Won't the voices in my head wither away?
Some people say they want peace of mind, I want peace in my mind. Drugs, drugs, drugs to intoxicate those voices in my head. But I shouldn't. A healthy body makes a healthy mind. Right? Why am I so happy when I'm not here? Am I them? Are they me? Are we one? Is this schizophrenia? Am...
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Some people say they want peace of mind, I want peace in my mind. Drugs, drugs, drugs to intoxicate those voices in my head. But I shouldn't. A healthy body makes a healthy mind. Right? Why am I so happy when I'm not here? Am I them? Are they me? Are we one? Is this schizophrenia? Am...
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godiva666:
Dude, are you my soulmate? I'm almost scared to write things like that in any public place because I think someone will hunt me down and take me away and lock me up. I feel oh so liberated.
Hey good lookin', haven't seen you here before. Can I buy you a drink? haha
Spinny
Hey good lookin', haven't seen you here before. Can I buy you a drink? haha
Spinny
beledi:
well hello Matt. i'm kim...
tell me about where you are on the east coast (doesn't have to be specifics, just what's around you).
tell me about where you are on the east coast (doesn't have to be specifics, just what's around you).
Kill kill kill the voices in my head.
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shovelface:
Is that what the voices say to you, or what you say to the voices?
torai:
i want to know what voices say too
Somehow I think that my self-esteem withered from the point I first started challenging the vows I'd given myself based on the value system my parents gave me. Now I have to convince myself that I'm not a bad person because I've had and have casual sex, because I drink and smoke, etc... Interesting nonetheless.
godiva666:
If you're a bad person, I am terrible and should be shot. Maybe I should be anyways? It's all ok... I've learned that the value system I got from my parents is also flawed. Really. It's not the end of the world if you're going to hell. You can hang out with me, after all.
Spinny
Spinny
- Sometimes I think about how nothing is familiar to me and that scares me shitless because I feel alone and vulnerable.
torai:
Sometime things that are unfamiliar can be exciting.
I hate the holidays!!
Why the fuck does my family have to be so distant and independant from one another. I haven't celebrated the joy of xmas in over 13 years. My mom thought she'd get salvation by switching religions and now she's just as confused as she has ever been. So now we have a family supper, or we try, maybe we're only faking...
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Why the fuck does my family have to be so distant and independant from one another. I haven't celebrated the joy of xmas in over 13 years. My mom thought she'd get salvation by switching religions and now she's just as confused as she has ever been. So now we have a family supper, or we try, maybe we're only faking...
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shovelface:
Say... you wouldn't happen to be the Demon from the ocean, who conjours up tidal waves to destroy all the heretics who have failed to satisfy you with offerings of firstborn virgins, would you?
My parents were the same way. They broke up for a while, and my Dad was seeing some other girl. They got back together, but it seemed to be just for keeping up appearances. I don't think they love each other, but it has gotten better, and we have a good time with it all anyways. As much as I'd love to hate everything all the time, it's just too much work, and not as much fun.
My parents were the same way. They broke up for a while, and my Dad was seeing some other girl. They got back together, but it seemed to be just for keeping up appearances. I don't think they love each other, but it has gotten better, and we have a good time with it all anyways. As much as I'd love to hate everything all the time, it's just too much work, and not as much fun.
I guess sometimes it would just be nice to believe it when someone tells you everything's gonna be alright.
torai:
awww i would..but that would be redundant...and i guess that you wouldnt believe me anyways.
Keep smiles, baby..you will be ok
its all perception...its a deep word if you really dig.
Keep smiles, baby..you will be ok
its all perception...its a deep word if you really dig.
I think I might have to stop going out for a while if I am to understand Wing Chun. It's ridiculous but I think I'm ready to make just about any sacrifice in order to understand this art. It's probably gonna be the toughest thing I'll ever learn. I never thought I could be so interested in a martial art, all I wanted from this...
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teresaannamae:
Thanks ♥
it helps to know i'm not alone in these crazy thoughts.
sometimes i feel like i know too much about how things work, this game of the world.. it's all fine until i realise that everything.. is NOTHING.. but really, nothing is EVERYTHING. you know? and i just can't seem to frolic with the pack and i always feel left out. but i don't want to fake it to fit in, so.. BLAH!
anyways!
i'm off to think some more, diary style!
talking with mahself.
have a good one ♥
it helps to know i'm not alone in these crazy thoughts.
sometimes i feel like i know too much about how things work, this game of the world.. it's all fine until i realise that everything.. is NOTHING.. but really, nothing is EVERYTHING. you know? and i just can't seem to frolic with the pack and i always feel left out. but i don't want to fake it to fit in, so.. BLAH!
anyways!
i'm off to think some more, diary style!
talking with mahself.
have a good one ♥
shovelface:
Hey man,
Thanks for the insightful words. I totally agree that there isn't one person that can give you everything you want or need. The thing is finding which traits are more important and which you can do without. (also, there are bound to be other people in your life that can fill certain needs. ie. friends and family.)
I guess my dillemma is that I am attracted to a variety of very different girls for very different reasons, and I know that I'm not going to find everything in one girl. I guess I worry that I won't be strong enough to keep myself loyal to that one person. My Dad cheated on my Mom, and it brought my world crashing down around me. He was like superman to me, and realising his fallability was a big shock. (I guess every kid goes through the point at which they realise their parents aren't perfect.) The good thing about that situation is that I have been able to take his mistake, and learn from it. I see the ways in which I am like him, and of the things that I don't like, I can work to change in myself. Who knows, maybe looking at pictures on the internet is a good way of keeping myself from making a mistake in real life.
Also, Kudos to you for taking an honest look at things and figuring it out for yourself. Too many people just follow blindly, and go through the motions without actually knowing why.
What is the basis of Wing Chun? I don't think I'm familiar with that marital art. (Ha ha I mean martial arts.)
Edit- I checked my entry in Kanmis journal and found that I wrote
"This is not to say that you can find a good or even great love"
What I meant to say was
"This is not to say that you CAN'T find a good or even great love"
Oops, one missed letter really changes the point I was trying to make. I do mean to say that a relationship with another person can be very fulfilling. Just thought I'd clarify.
[Edited on Dec 15, 2004 6:50PM]
Thanks for the insightful words. I totally agree that there isn't one person that can give you everything you want or need. The thing is finding which traits are more important and which you can do without. (also, there are bound to be other people in your life that can fill certain needs. ie. friends and family.)
I guess my dillemma is that I am attracted to a variety of very different girls for very different reasons, and I know that I'm not going to find everything in one girl. I guess I worry that I won't be strong enough to keep myself loyal to that one person. My Dad cheated on my Mom, and it brought my world crashing down around me. He was like superman to me, and realising his fallability was a big shock. (I guess every kid goes through the point at which they realise their parents aren't perfect.) The good thing about that situation is that I have been able to take his mistake, and learn from it. I see the ways in which I am like him, and of the things that I don't like, I can work to change in myself. Who knows, maybe looking at pictures on the internet is a good way of keeping myself from making a mistake in real life.
Also, Kudos to you for taking an honest look at things and figuring it out for yourself. Too many people just follow blindly, and go through the motions without actually knowing why.
What is the basis of Wing Chun? I don't think I'm familiar with that marital art. (Ha ha I mean martial arts.)
Edit- I checked my entry in Kanmis journal and found that I wrote
"This is not to say that you can find a good or even great love"
What I meant to say was
"This is not to say that you CAN'T find a good or even great love"
Oops, one missed letter really changes the point I was trying to make. I do mean to say that a relationship with another person can be very fulfilling. Just thought I'd clarify.
[Edited on Dec 15, 2004 6:50PM]
Well I don't really know what I'm going through but I just removed all my piercings. I don't know if I really want to do this but this morning it seems like the thing to do... time will tell I guess.
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lucks:
I did that with my tongue and nipple.. just decided one day that I didn't want them anymore.. still have 10..
are you sure that was wise at........ 6:45am?? i think it's kind of like drinking.. wait til noon at least...
are you sure that was wise at........ 6:45am?? i think it's kind of like drinking.. wait til noon at least...
shovelface:
I guess sometimes you just need a little change, kind of like rearranging furnature. I've heard that it's a sign of sexual frustration. (Maybe that's why my house is constantly changing)
Mysterious Goth girls are for sure intriguing. I love the whole goth lifestyle. I really would love to try it out, but it seems like too much work. Plus, it doesn't really match my lifestyle. I figure it destroys a Goths credibility to ride a sportbike. I don't think I have what it takes to be dark and depressed, cause I'm pretty fortunate and I try not to take that for granted. For sure it's a cool style, though.
Definitely, the idea of a girl that keeps to herself and hates going out in public appeals to me. I just don't know why she would decide to let me into her life, when she's perfectly happy by herself, (Maybe she isn't perfectly happy, I mean, who really is?) but I'm not really the pushy type. (or even the assertive type.) Plus I'm not fully confident that I have something to offer, so I generally just admire them from afar.
Maybe I should change my strategy.
Mysterious Goth girls are for sure intriguing. I love the whole goth lifestyle. I really would love to try it out, but it seems like too much work. Plus, it doesn't really match my lifestyle. I figure it destroys a Goths credibility to ride a sportbike. I don't think I have what it takes to be dark and depressed, cause I'm pretty fortunate and I try not to take that for granted. For sure it's a cool style, though.
Definitely, the idea of a girl that keeps to herself and hates going out in public appeals to me. I just don't know why she would decide to let me into her life, when she's perfectly happy by herself, (Maybe she isn't perfectly happy, I mean, who really is?) but I'm not really the pushy type. (or even the assertive type.) Plus I'm not fully confident that I have something to offer, so I generally just admire them from afar.
Maybe I should change my strategy.