thescarletrabbit

hahahahaha this is getting fun


you know what? (dont u miss a bit my do you know whats? hahaha- lie to me say yessss)
my therapist has sent me homework recently...i gotta make a list and a description of aaaall of those characters... im not sure maybe we are gonna make it a movie... my worst nightmare is have to do it in Spanish...its like sex in spanish you know i told ya...i cant do it...i feel so uncomfortable...so im getting more and more clumsy trying to be honest or coherent on my mother tongue and this is bloody confusing...and since this guy doesnt know English im a bit like... would i be able to do my homework?
Ive made some sketches in English -of course- its like ...scary... scares the shit of me talking about me... how nonsense is that? dont i do it all the time? dont we all do all the time?

yesterday i saw my friend- the one of the pics - and i told her... did you know the aussie i told you about wrote me today?
what a coincidence! - she said
when things like this happen is like... hey wait a minute...is this really happen?i mean is reality real? maybe we are all more connected than technologically... awww that sounds so profound hahahaha


sorry sorry hold on
i do the best motherfucking blowjobs i could beat your both famous blowjobers... didnt you read me recently?... for me that's like meditate!! hahahaaha
Oh God!
the blowjobgirl
how stupid situations a blowjob have saved... think about it!

you see we keep talking cause we havent done it
im thinking bout what you have said about a total woah or a total disaster...

circumstances... i think the smell is important and im not talking about perfumes...
and i dunno... ur right something in the middle maybe is worse than something really bad...
specially when i tend to mix good and bad...doesnt happen to you aswell?
when it hurts its pleasurable


about the picture... let me try to find the description...
yaya found it!

http://bellechoses.tumblr.com/post/48350525/suicideblonde-amanda-and-her-cousin-amy



u know im a spoiler maniac...

ummm let me try to find the dirty spit i spilled on my blog ... seems like honey for bees...



this was at the end of a blog on 12nd Oct
...i skip you the fluffly part of the blog to go straight to sex side
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"Sex is that dirty thing we alll keep on doing now and then

how many times did you ever really feel sex?

i wonder if its the same for a guy

sometimes ive felt the pleasure in my loneliness when at the same time i was with someone but he was a tool... maybe a tool with its own needs and movements but just a tool to adapt to...

i always loved to make them suffer a bit, but lately a bit isn't enough i wanted to see blood, scars, pain... more than a little ouch from a sweet bite on a nip

Theres not many guys out there who appreciate pain or decadence as it should be

its like when a guy fucks me in the ass and it hurts but he keeps going and i scream...its relieving... last time i did (long time ago actually) i felt so light afterwards...like all my frustrations have slept away on that "for choice" pain...

A matter of feeling...

Someone refer to Edie S. as the blow up girl... and i felt he meant me when he remarked that

i think that's the sexual thing ive done most times... well i used to be a big time kisser...but im not sure if that counts like sex...yeah it does...

anyway

blow jobs...

once a guy told me: you must love the way I fuck you to suck me this way

i really didn't

we did 4 times in an afternoon and i felt miles apart... but i think he didn't notice (he was so insisting we repeat another day...i mentally couldn't)

its just i always pay so much attention in doing right and give really myself on every movement...every lick ..every exhalation... like it was some kind of meditation...some people do actually meditate...i do enjoy sucking dicks

well with some guys isn't that great... some dicks are uninspiring but the guy reactions always keep me going... some of them like this, others that... my ears are wide open so i can notice what are their spots to actually feel the most...

I rarely meet someone who really make me feel any oral pleasure...

i kinda used it as some natural lub... and it really pisses me off when a guy wants or kinda has pushed me to cum in his mouth when I couldn't even fucking relax

Sometimes i consider it a tease...like something that can turn me on but doesn't fulfill me that much

So thats whats very rare... its like let someone masturbate you...i think just two guys have ever done it to me... not that i have that many lovers... but i had a few... a lot more if we count the blow jobs... maybe i just like give more than get so i don't feel on any debt

So i think this northamerican guy (who i didn't keep in touch with or care about) was kinda the only one who has ever licked me properly... maybe it was the wine or the Scotch... or the way he went on me... like i was the first on everything... he went slow... like enjoying the seconds... and i remember i shivered and he seemed to enjoy it ...sometimes guys don't seem to enjoy give you oral pleasure or they go there that frantically rough or like mechanical...or like with a plan...

but this time it could be he was a proper faker or he was enjoying it (not that particularly matters)... and i kinda felt relaxed and selfish in my own pleasure... but i didn't come... did i? nah

i think i haven't come on the lips of anyone... and i doubt i will...

but ive lost the count they have come on mines... or my face... or my body....or my hands...

im glad boys cant fake that"
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this is from Sep 23rd (again i go to the point)
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I wonder how much longer will last this manic vibe.
its like im over-excited all the time (3 days now) about everything: projects, conversations, anything... i could have sex all the time... I really mean it... I want some ragged boy careless fun time spending with...with a messy hair and who likes to have weird conversations... then sex and sex... it could be medications... i should read the side effects...or the manic or the cold weather coming...I need a victim...you know...someone to bite, scratch, push against the wall... someone to control and get controlled...i dunno... for me sex can be some kind of zen experience... and it could be a crime to say that...but its my meditation
its not even me anymore so... it could be other person having sex trying to feel something ending feeling nothing...
once again im hibernating so...i just make stupid calls that are less fun that videogames and im not into videogames either...
so pathetic or amusing...or both

i wanna feel real again

its crazy say that but i wanna be all the time manic... even manic i can write sad shit and its big time fun
I sound like a creepboy...and i dont fucking care...im sick of caring...or being afraid then i gotta care or something cause if i dont care bad things might happen?...oh foockin' heeell!"
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yeah i forgot we stop being friends on here...now we just plan about irrational blow jobs... i dont know

btw i mention in one of my blogs a movie... a movie i watched and i knew u were him
the actor
i mean
the character?
i dont know
u were
i lived a situation that remind me to the movie but the thing is u werent the guy of the train...
this is like ----what are you talking about?
wanna know?
dare to skype again?


ohh imagine we both manic manic manic... maybe its now
what can we do what can we do
anything anything anything


btw
i like the translating idea or the painting one... i know im not gonna be able to do a perfect homework...maybe im scared of the hell comes and gets me which means a place i do belong... the difference...its...its funny ..inst it? what is funny? ALL

let's throw away pop corn to strangers...



hey maybe for guys the difference between blowjobs isnt that big is it?

hahahahahaha
I truly enjoyed that