Well, once again I went all day without a cigarette...oh...wait...what is this freshly lit thing in my lips?....oh no....well, it was good while it lasted; the abstinence is over.
Yeah, so I am well aware that most of ya'll on here think I am just a complete and total asshole as regards my girl. It's OK - I know that I am. First I love her, then I hate her, then I love her, then I hate her, et cetera. Well, have no fear - it's finally over. Short of her moving next door, there's no salvation herein. I'm fed up and done with this - it's all drama and games and jealous, like every other relationship I've ever been in. I just don't have the emotional strength for it anymore, and all these ups and downs are seriously fucking up my business.
Oh, yeah, I'm also the luckiest son of the bitch in the world. Seriously; I am. I might not be able to find a decent woman, or keep her when I stumble across her, but in every aspect of my life I am. Let is explore; I'm twenty-one, I have my own profitable business, I just bought a brand-new truck, and now I am getting a house. Well, one of those super nice mobile homes. Say what you will, but when I was dirt poor out West, I used to dream of moving up to a trailer, let alone a mobile home.
Want to hear the kicker? Want to hear what shames me and hurts my pride? My step mother and my father are giving it too me. Every cell in my body is screaming that I cannot accept this, but the cold hard reality of the situation is that I cannot turn it down. I might be overly proud, but I am surely not stupid. Not that stupid, at least. Sure, it might be way out in the Boondocks, but from a fishing perspective it's right where I want to be - ten minutes from my favorite lake, twenty from my favorite river, and ten from my second favorite lake. Sure, it's EXACTLY on the otherside of the city as my future college, but no matter.
It's a three bedroom, two bath doublewide (and it's one of those extra long ones, so it's actually fucking insanely huge). On top of that, it has two car ports, a bitchin yard with live water features, and a fucking fireplace in the living room (
). The only thing is it's not a hundred percent sure it's mine yet - my Dad just told me that my step mom wants to give it to me this weekend (they own a lot of properties that are just kind of sitting around doing nothing). On top of that - why is she giving it to me? Her single, college attending, business owning step son when her single parent, stuck-in-a-dead-end job, living in a really shitty house niece could use it more? I don't know the answers to these questions, but if a life of extreme poverty has taught me anything, it's that you can't slap a gift horse in the mouth.
Still, I do not like the position accepting this gift will put me in with her - but I dare not decline it. Even if my cousin, her niece, will hate me forever for it - I can't say no.
Want to know what really, really, really pisses me off?
I own my own business, just bought myself a brand-new truck, am about to get a free house for Christmas from a woman I have an iffy relationship (and that's being generous - we used to hate each other), and STILL I am unhappy! What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get back into therapy - I have everything I've ever wanted (a business, a new truck, a house, decent health) and still I am not happy. The only thing my life lacks is a beautiful woman who loves me - but I have resigned myself to the fact that I will very likely be one of those men who survives on pseudorelationships until he's forty or fifty and stumbles across another jaded soul who will only too happily accept his marriage proposal, if only because she (like he) no longer wants to be the only forty-fifty year old in the world that's not married.
Yeah, so I am well aware that most of ya'll on here think I am just a complete and total asshole as regards my girl. It's OK - I know that I am. First I love her, then I hate her, then I love her, then I hate her, et cetera. Well, have no fear - it's finally over. Short of her moving next door, there's no salvation herein. I'm fed up and done with this - it's all drama and games and jealous, like every other relationship I've ever been in. I just don't have the emotional strength for it anymore, and all these ups and downs are seriously fucking up my business.
Oh, yeah, I'm also the luckiest son of the bitch in the world. Seriously; I am. I might not be able to find a decent woman, or keep her when I stumble across her, but in every aspect of my life I am. Let is explore; I'm twenty-one, I have my own profitable business, I just bought a brand-new truck, and now I am getting a house. Well, one of those super nice mobile homes. Say what you will, but when I was dirt poor out West, I used to dream of moving up to a trailer, let alone a mobile home.
Want to hear the kicker? Want to hear what shames me and hurts my pride? My step mother and my father are giving it too me. Every cell in my body is screaming that I cannot accept this, but the cold hard reality of the situation is that I cannot turn it down. I might be overly proud, but I am surely not stupid. Not that stupid, at least. Sure, it might be way out in the Boondocks, but from a fishing perspective it's right where I want to be - ten minutes from my favorite lake, twenty from my favorite river, and ten from my second favorite lake. Sure, it's EXACTLY on the otherside of the city as my future college, but no matter.
It's a three bedroom, two bath doublewide (and it's one of those extra long ones, so it's actually fucking insanely huge). On top of that, it has two car ports, a bitchin yard with live water features, and a fucking fireplace in the living room (
). The only thing is it's not a hundred percent sure it's mine yet - my Dad just told me that my step mom wants to give it to me this weekend (they own a lot of properties that are just kind of sitting around doing nothing). On top of that - why is she giving it to me? Her single, college attending, business owning step son when her single parent, stuck-in-a-dead-end job, living in a really shitty house niece could use it more? I don't know the answers to these questions, but if a life of extreme poverty has taught me anything, it's that you can't slap a gift horse in the mouth.
Still, I do not like the position accepting this gift will put me in with her - but I dare not decline it. Even if my cousin, her niece, will hate me forever for it - I can't say no.
Want to know what really, really, really pisses me off?
I own my own business, just bought myself a brand-new truck, am about to get a free house for Christmas from a woman I have an iffy relationship (and that's being generous - we used to hate each other), and STILL I am unhappy! What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get back into therapy - I have everything I've ever wanted (a business, a new truck, a house, decent health) and still I am not happy. The only thing my life lacks is a beautiful woman who loves me - but I have resigned myself to the fact that I will very likely be one of those men who survives on pseudorelationships until he's forty or fifty and stumbles across another jaded soul who will only too happily accept his marriage proposal, if only because she (like he) no longer wants to be the only forty-fifty year old in the world that's not married.
Seriously, don't settle for so little in your love life. I know it sucks looking for someone, but you won't be single for 20 years unless you keep being so negative. There are so many great women out there and most of them are looking for a good guy. But if you expect very little from them, that's exactly what you'll get. If you sell a car and ask for 10k, you're not likely to have someone offer you 12k. Keep your standards high. Be a terriffic guy for them and require that they be terriffic in return.