The following entry is gross and tasteless. For your own good, stop reading now.
-------------- LAST CHANCE :: JUST CLOSE THE BROWSER--------------
So, it's been a long time since I've heard a new dead baby joke. Everyone keeps telling me the same, like, twenty of them. So, when I stumbled upon a link to http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/, I thought I'd be pleasantly surprised... I mean a WHOLE WEBSITE devoted to dead baby jokes. But seriously... they're bad. And not bad, like, oh my god that's a terrible thing to say. It's a dead baby joke, of course it's bad. These are just not well-thought out jokes.
First a survey of the territory.
There are four kinds of dead baby jokes (one of which is not really a dead baby joke, but just as tasteless, so often included when dead baby jokes are being told). They are:
1) How to Kill a Baby
Q: What [is some number of colors, makes these sounds, and can or can't perform some particular task]?
A: A baby [that I've killed in this particular way, or will surely die due to this terrible thing I've done to it]
2) How to Tell a Dead Baby From Something Else.
Q: What's the difference between [A. a dead-baby-thing] and [B. a completely-normal-thing]?
A: You can't do [something] with [either A. or B.].
3) The Surprise Ending
Q: What is the answer to this completely normal joke setup?
A: Something involving a dead baby!
4) Hello, I'm a Pedophile
No standard presentation, but always involves a penis inside a baby.
Unless you're 16, the concept 'dead baby' alone is not funny at all. Indeed, for many people, the concept of 'dead baby' is not funny in any context. If you are one of these people, you should have stopped reading by now.
As a result, writing a dead baby joke is a subtle art. Care must be taken to add just the right amount of description, to make the situation just impossible and inhumane enough, or to make the answer come so completely out of the blue, that the unfortunate target's expectations are twisted just enough to make something so terrible even slightly humorous.
If you've succeeded, the target is compelled to laugh, not out of enjoyment, but out of sheer surprise at the heartlessness, ridiculousness, and yes, cleverness of the punchline. This is a thin line that demands genuine insight, impeccable word choice, and careful delivery.
Whether you've realized it or not, the jokes that you've all heard a hundred times have these qualities. The first time you heard them, you chuckled as you imagined the fork-eyed baby crawling into walls, you groaned as you realized which truck would be unloaded with the pitchfork, and you were taken by surprise as the sexual innuendo of a woman's impetus for screaming placed an image in your head that was immediately torn to pieces.
With few exceptions, the jokes on http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/ are either the jokes you've heard over and over, or they are not carefully crafted. The latter are not individually cared for, and obsessivley honed to perfection. They are a shitstorm of gore and vulgarity for gore and vulgarity's sake and not funny to anyone over the age of 16.
The exceptions are as follows:
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
-------------- LAST CHANCE :: JUST CLOSE THE BROWSER--------------
So, it's been a long time since I've heard a new dead baby joke. Everyone keeps telling me the same, like, twenty of them. So, when I stumbled upon a link to http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/, I thought I'd be pleasantly surprised... I mean a WHOLE WEBSITE devoted to dead baby jokes. But seriously... they're bad. And not bad, like, oh my god that's a terrible thing to say. It's a dead baby joke, of course it's bad. These are just not well-thought out jokes.
First a survey of the territory.
There are four kinds of dead baby jokes (one of which is not really a dead baby joke, but just as tasteless, so often included when dead baby jokes are being told). They are:
1) How to Kill a Baby
Q: What [is some number of colors, makes these sounds, and can or can't perform some particular task]?
A: A baby [that I've killed in this particular way, or will surely die due to this terrible thing I've done to it]
2) How to Tell a Dead Baby From Something Else.
Q: What's the difference between [A. a dead-baby-thing] and [B. a completely-normal-thing]?
A: You can't do [something] with [either A. or B.].
3) The Surprise Ending
Q: What is the answer to this completely normal joke setup?
A: Something involving a dead baby!
4) Hello, I'm a Pedophile
No standard presentation, but always involves a penis inside a baby.
Unless you're 16, the concept 'dead baby' alone is not funny at all. Indeed, for many people, the concept of 'dead baby' is not funny in any context. If you are one of these people, you should have stopped reading by now.
As a result, writing a dead baby joke is a subtle art. Care must be taken to add just the right amount of description, to make the situation just impossible and inhumane enough, or to make the answer come so completely out of the blue, that the unfortunate target's expectations are twisted just enough to make something so terrible even slightly humorous.
If you've succeeded, the target is compelled to laugh, not out of enjoyment, but out of sheer surprise at the heartlessness, ridiculousness, and yes, cleverness of the punchline. This is a thin line that demands genuine insight, impeccable word choice, and careful delivery.
Whether you've realized it or not, the jokes that you've all heard a hundred times have these qualities. The first time you heard them, you chuckled as you imagined the fork-eyed baby crawling into walls, you groaned as you realized which truck would be unloaded with the pitchfork, and you were taken by surprise as the sexual innuendo of a woman's impetus for screaming placed an image in your head that was immediately torn to pieces.
With few exceptions, the jokes on http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/ are either the jokes you've heard over and over, or they are not carefully crafted. The latter are not individually cared for, and obsessivley honed to perfection. They are a shitstorm of gore and vulgarity for gore and vulgarity's sake and not funny to anyone over the age of 16.
The exceptions are as follows:
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
What has 4 legs and one arm?
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
And the only pedophilic joke to make the list is supurbly crafted to give not only the initial gross-out, but also, moments later, an audible groan of pure disgust.
How do you make a baby cry twice?
It is left as an exercise to the reader to put these and your personal favorite dead baby jokes into the four categories above. Please do not tell me your favorite dead baby jokes in the comments here. I've had enough.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
then you'd have nobody to make out with.... except boundcreature, but i hear he drools.
anyway, i know better than to try and out bitch a bitch. i prefer to kill with kindness. its just wonderful watching a hateful person sputter and go red when they realize you aren't going to engage in a fight with them.