Why Somebody Always Around Every Time I Drop My Baby?
By Amber Richardson
August 10, 2005 | Issue 4132
If people wanna think I'm, like, abusive or whatever, that's their problem. 'Cause I know I'm a good mom, and that's all that matters. But damn, yo, I better not have Social Services on my ass just 'cause I dropped Liondrae at Dollar City today. After it happened, some stock guy and some uptight-looking bitch were looking at me and I was like, "What the fuck are you looking at?" You could tell they were the judging type, and I don't want no cops at my door just 'cause some people think they better than me.
I hardly ever drop my baby. Why ain't people around when everything's fine? What about when Liondrae's sitting in his high chair and eating Skittles? Or when I let him play in the sink with his diaper on? Or that time when my homegirl Kimmi came over to make Kool-Aid cake with us and pierced 'Drae's ear? I love my baby so bad. I don't wanna smack him around. His older sister, Rywanda, that's the one I wanna fuckin' take down once in a while. But only 'cause she don't behave, not 'cause I like to hit my babies for no reason.
Besides, it wouldn't of happened if he hadn't been leaning over trying to grab that jingly-jangly thing off the toy shelf. I had him in my right arm and he, like, let go of my shoulder and was arching his back and spreading his arms, and I got my other hand on the grocery cart, so all a sudden he topples over! Like, that's fuckin' wack! Don't he know I can't watch his ass every second?
I've only dropped 'Drae maybe four times. The first time, I was scared. He was only two months old and I guess I didn't have him buckled in his carrier right or something. In fact, I might of just forgot to buckle him in. I tipped his carrier down a little to get it into the back seat, and wham! He slid off and bounced onto the icy sidewalk. I was like, oh shit oh shit! But this woman coming out of the WIC building was screaming, like, worse than I was! She was all like, "Is she okay? Is she okay?" and I'm like, what's with this "she" shit? He a boy. Just 'cause he's wearing his sister's old shit. Like, mind your own business, bitch! He a-right. That crazy bitch freaked me out more than anything else!
And like, there was one time I dropped him only 'cause some fat fuck bumped into me on the bus. So that one shouldn't even count.
Plus, 'Drae heavy. Even though he only 11 months, he make my arm go to sleep. That social worker Sarah said, if you got to carry him around, why don't you get one of them slings and strap him to you? I said the hell with that_how can I cook on the stove with the baby hanging off me? That's dangerous. I got to have the baby holding onto my side. Damn, why people always getting on my case? Where their babies at? Sarah so busy telling people what to do, she ain't got no man or no baby. She only got nephews. I seen a picture in her office. So fuck her ugly, lonely ass, a-right? I know what I'm doing with my babies.
And my baby tough. When he fell at Dollar City, he hit the back of his head on the shelf, then landed on his side. He was really screaming and shit, but 10 minutes later in the parking lot, he was laughing at a seagull. Fuck the doctor. Why should I waste two hours at urgent care when 'Drae just fine? Same for when 'Drae got that electric shock from unplugging the night light. I put him in his crib and the color went back in his face after like 10 minutes. After he knock his head on the shelf, he slept for a few hours, which was cool 'cause I got to watch my soaps with no goddamn interruptions for once. 'Drae, he really my special little man. He like Superbaby.
The worst was the one that happened in front of my mom. She such a cunt as it is, always riding my ass about everything. "Why he out of his playpen, anyway?" "Have the landlord put in some carpeting to cover up the jagged linoleum so 'Drae don't cut his face again." Like she has any right to tell me how to raise my kids. Back when me and my brothers was little, she was always waitressing or out with one of her boyfriends, and she never get us a sitter. So where the fuck she get off? "World's Greatest Grandma," my ass. I sure as hell didn't buy her that T-shirt.
www.theonion.com America's finest news source
By Amber Richardson
August 10, 2005 | Issue 4132
If people wanna think I'm, like, abusive or whatever, that's their problem. 'Cause I know I'm a good mom, and that's all that matters. But damn, yo, I better not have Social Services on my ass just 'cause I dropped Liondrae at Dollar City today. After it happened, some stock guy and some uptight-looking bitch were looking at me and I was like, "What the fuck are you looking at?" You could tell they were the judging type, and I don't want no cops at my door just 'cause some people think they better than me.
I hardly ever drop my baby. Why ain't people around when everything's fine? What about when Liondrae's sitting in his high chair and eating Skittles? Or when I let him play in the sink with his diaper on? Or that time when my homegirl Kimmi came over to make Kool-Aid cake with us and pierced 'Drae's ear? I love my baby so bad. I don't wanna smack him around. His older sister, Rywanda, that's the one I wanna fuckin' take down once in a while. But only 'cause she don't behave, not 'cause I like to hit my babies for no reason.
Besides, it wouldn't of happened if he hadn't been leaning over trying to grab that jingly-jangly thing off the toy shelf. I had him in my right arm and he, like, let go of my shoulder and was arching his back and spreading his arms, and I got my other hand on the grocery cart, so all a sudden he topples over! Like, that's fuckin' wack! Don't he know I can't watch his ass every second?
I've only dropped 'Drae maybe four times. The first time, I was scared. He was only two months old and I guess I didn't have him buckled in his carrier right or something. In fact, I might of just forgot to buckle him in. I tipped his carrier down a little to get it into the back seat, and wham! He slid off and bounced onto the icy sidewalk. I was like, oh shit oh shit! But this woman coming out of the WIC building was screaming, like, worse than I was! She was all like, "Is she okay? Is she okay?" and I'm like, what's with this "she" shit? He a boy. Just 'cause he's wearing his sister's old shit. Like, mind your own business, bitch! He a-right. That crazy bitch freaked me out more than anything else!
And like, there was one time I dropped him only 'cause some fat fuck bumped into me on the bus. So that one shouldn't even count.
Plus, 'Drae heavy. Even though he only 11 months, he make my arm go to sleep. That social worker Sarah said, if you got to carry him around, why don't you get one of them slings and strap him to you? I said the hell with that_how can I cook on the stove with the baby hanging off me? That's dangerous. I got to have the baby holding onto my side. Damn, why people always getting on my case? Where their babies at? Sarah so busy telling people what to do, she ain't got no man or no baby. She only got nephews. I seen a picture in her office. So fuck her ugly, lonely ass, a-right? I know what I'm doing with my babies.
And my baby tough. When he fell at Dollar City, he hit the back of his head on the shelf, then landed on his side. He was really screaming and shit, but 10 minutes later in the parking lot, he was laughing at a seagull. Fuck the doctor. Why should I waste two hours at urgent care when 'Drae just fine? Same for when 'Drae got that electric shock from unplugging the night light. I put him in his crib and the color went back in his face after like 10 minutes. After he knock his head on the shelf, he slept for a few hours, which was cool 'cause I got to watch my soaps with no goddamn interruptions for once. 'Drae, he really my special little man. He like Superbaby.
The worst was the one that happened in front of my mom. She such a cunt as it is, always riding my ass about everything. "Why he out of his playpen, anyway?" "Have the landlord put in some carpeting to cover up the jagged linoleum so 'Drae don't cut his face again." Like she has any right to tell me how to raise my kids. Back when me and my brothers was little, she was always waitressing or out with one of her boyfriends, and she never get us a sitter. So where the fuck she get off? "World's Greatest Grandma," my ass. I sure as hell didn't buy her that T-shirt.
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