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thejuanupsman

Minneapolis, MN.

Member Since 2004

Followers 116 Following 120

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Monday Apr 23, 2007

Apr 23, 2007
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Went to Benni's memorial service today. Almost didn't make it. While I was panicking on my way there I wrote this journal in my head:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I can't believe this. After all the googling, the mapquest, the checking and rechecking routes and directions, I am not going to make it. Because I wouldn't ask for help. Too stubborn. Too afraid of being an imposition. And now I am going to miss her memorial because I can't find the place. And all I can think, amid the tears, the frustration and the disappointment (in myself), is how appropriate it all is.

I could never really find her when I wanted to. And I was never really there for her on the few occasions when she needed me.

Goodbye beautiful girl. I'm sorry



Thankfully at the last minute fate intervened and I found my way there. It was a lovely service, full of old friends, laughs, tears, pancake references and memories. It was nice to see old friends and meet a few people I had previously only known online. One of which was sapient_fool. Who was kind enough to offer me a ride home and save me from a long bike ride. On the ride home we talked about her and the things we remember about her and I discovered what a good guy he is. I can see why she always spoke so fondly of him.

Overall it was a good day. Still sad, but I'm getting better. I'm hoping later today we will have some thunderstorms. She loved them and I'd like to take a ride and think about her and let the rain wash the tears away.

______________________________________________________________________________

No thunderstorms. Just bright skies. I want rain.

VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
wed:
I feel a bit embarassed since I wasn't that close to her but I've kept her a little comfy place in my heart. I'm glad that all your love was gathered at that moment. I think that, with all the people who love her, there will be sparks shining for her every day for a long long time...

Take care of you
Apr 28, 2007
trocc:
thanks for the kind words, man. i'm hoping things are on the upswing as well. smile
May 1, 2007

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