thefreak

Sweet Merciful Jesus H. Christ on a Pogo Cracker! It is I, Your Friendly Neighborhood Freak.

Now, remember when I said I promise to spend more time here after I flaked out on my Interweb time? Then when I (again) promised to spend more time here after I was basically fornicating w/my Xbox 360?

I meant it. Honest. For this most recent sabbatical was not of my (voluntary) doing.

Here's the poop...

About three weeks ago, I noticed aforementioned Xbox 360 was unable to connect to Xbox Live. Originally, I figured this was some issue w/my wireless router. After speaking w/a computer-savvy hetero life-mate of mine (and realizing I couldn't get onto the Interwebs via my PC), I realized something was up.

So, I made a phone call to Verizon customer service, and it was revealed to me that aforementioned Interwebs were down because my home phone had been disconnected due to non-payment.

Whoops.

Well, I will accept most of the blame. The only calls I got on the farkin' thing anyway were telemarketers and the Red Cross looking to steal more of my blood (though they can't have me until April, due to the tattoo, but I digress). So, I would have to pay the balance on the phone in order to take any further steps.

Almost $200 later, Step 1 was my bitch.

That same day, I was told once the phone was paid off, they could disconnect the phone (which I was planning on anyway) and put me on a "dry loop" (just DSL). I was told this could take 7-10 days, so I waited.

And waited.

After realizing I was still w/o the Tubes, I called VZ customer service again. After numerous transfers to incorrect departments via entry-level troglodytes, I was told that, despite my phone being disconnected within 2 days after payment, as well as me receiving the final bill, the dry loop order...

...WAS NEVER PUT IN.

Now, understandably, this left me w/an almost menstrual level of unbridled rage in my loins. Not the sexual kind, mind you, just the "I am going to kill you and eat your brains out of your hollowed out skull before hiriing Asian male prostitutes to dress like schoolgirls and play Double Dutch w/your own entrails" kind of rage.

You know, the kind of rage that you can flush out w/a really good dump.

So, after almost 2 hours(!!!) of continued transfers to wrong departments and spending ungodly amounts of time on hold listening to Muzak that would make even Kenny G commit justified sodomy, I was finally connected w/someone who...

A. Wasn't Indian, and

B. Wasn't retarded.

This alabaster goddess, who's name was Erin, was able to help me get my Interweb Jones back on track. And with a faster connection to boot! And in record time! Honestly, I made the call 2 days ago, and was told most likely a week from today.

To reiterate, I am alive, I have not run away to join a French circus, I have not gotten a sex change and moved to Canada to "find myself," and I have not been eaten alive by rabid rhesus monkeys.

You know how SG can be. You crazy kids get into your little sewing circles, and rumors start a-flying.

I missed you guys terribly. And I hope you missed me too.

Do let me know what's been going on in your respective lives as of late, as I've (obviously) fallen behind. There's a few updates on my end as well, and I shall let you know of them soon.

I'm BACK, bitches. And as mediocre as ever.

Stay tuned...

-TM