Yes, been a while. I never got the text-to-journal feature to work. Sitting at my computer to type something here seems too... depressing for some reason.
I'm coming up on seven years I've been back in hicksville, USA. I don't want to sound bitter when speaking of my host but I could not abide by it when I left back in '93 and it has lost any charm it did possess when I moved back. Moreover, I feel I've lost most of my charm in the past years, years that have been stagnant and trying. I feel so old, sickly and, well, like a local, for that is what they do; they get on disability as early in life as possible, they pick up an addiction habit (genetics usually offers up a couple of avenues to choose from), they age, bloat, think they are owed all sorts of assisted living and retire to stagnation and ruin.
I don't know what's ailing me and the doctors aren't willing to help me. I've tried, honestly I have, to reverse my thinking, believing it is poisoning my body. I cannot possibly be thinking this much pain. My fear is I'll have to suffer a debilitating effect that will make me permanently infirm with them all saying, "if we had caught this earlier..." I am told that sex is an instant cure from mild depression and a friend is a sustaining prescription. Is either or too much to ask for? Is both a king's ransom?
I know I am the problem so even though this place contributes surgically removing myself from it won't cure me. Perhaps I need treatment somewhere else, even if just temporarily. Returning to Myrtle Beach back in December didn't help; No friend, no sex. raen has invited me out to San Fran, an offer I really should take him up on; a friend at hand and at least we can start by talking about girls.
I'm coming up on seven years I've been back in hicksville, USA. I don't want to sound bitter when speaking of my host but I could not abide by it when I left back in '93 and it has lost any charm it did possess when I moved back. Moreover, I feel I've lost most of my charm in the past years, years that have been stagnant and trying. I feel so old, sickly and, well, like a local, for that is what they do; they get on disability as early in life as possible, they pick up an addiction habit (genetics usually offers up a couple of avenues to choose from), they age, bloat, think they are owed all sorts of assisted living and retire to stagnation and ruin.
I don't know what's ailing me and the doctors aren't willing to help me. I've tried, honestly I have, to reverse my thinking, believing it is poisoning my body. I cannot possibly be thinking this much pain. My fear is I'll have to suffer a debilitating effect that will make me permanently infirm with them all saying, "if we had caught this earlier..." I am told that sex is an instant cure from mild depression and a friend is a sustaining prescription. Is either or too much to ask for? Is both a king's ransom?
I know I am the problem so even though this place contributes surgically removing myself from it won't cure me. Perhaps I need treatment somewhere else, even if just temporarily. Returning to Myrtle Beach back in December didn't help; No friend, no sex. raen has invited me out to San Fran, an offer I really should take him up on; a friend at hand and at least we can start by talking about girls.
scottsmallin:
I make BLT's with Boca!! hahah.