thefly

A nun told House one time that to be angry with God you have to admit He exists. I haven't been angry with Him in a long time. However, I am amazed that others have not gotten fed up with His inaction.

My mother will be losing her house in the next month with nowhere to go. My brother is 29 this year and still living with her, working part time at a Subway and hasn't paid on a bill for more than five years. Loss of her sister, loss of her friend, medical bills, loss of work and utilities that just stop working... yet she still has to believe He has a grand design. She has to maintain hope.

I find a certain solace in hopelessness. It is the moment where you totally fail or you hit the grand slam, win with the Hail Mary pass. You die or you renew yourself with a grand triumph. To make it in this world a person most accept two things. If you believe or don't, you can't believe a superior being will save you. And you can't fear death. When one realizes there is nothing to hope for, he/she realizes they must take care of it themselves.

That is why I truly believe I've never suffered. At my worst it was always a situation I was prepared for... I just want my mother would do the same.