thefly

I sit here looking at the number of comments I have on this blog, a number which I believe is the highest I've ever seen. I look to the long jumble of words that was my post and not a single thought comes to mind. I know there are things I've been meaning to say but they're not for here; they will be, at some point, posted to my "official" blog on my official site. My SG blog is kinda of my up in the mountains retreat when it comes to thinking. Apple doesn't allow words like bitch, motherfucker and the like on their servers. This is the place for such vulgarity. It was also, I believed, a space to flippant thoughts, mediocre meanderings. I'm beginning to think that perhaps the most important chemical and electrical impulses in my gray matter is chronicled here. They're more uninhibited, more... honest. I am reaching a point where I'm tired of trying to impress people. I'm tired of trying to be accepted. This should be reflected in both here and on my site though this blog seemed important because I was surrounded not only with alternative beauty but of a society of like minded peers that I could relate to personally and professionally. I have, for I think very fondly of a few on here, but you begin to look through a Friends list (of which mine is modest) and see exactly who of those people you've even ever spoke to. In the past couple of months I've had several (I say several because 1/10 of your total is several) "friend" me yet I've never spoken to them. Most I don't even know how they came to know me. Then there are the ones that are no longer active on the site that are still being counted on the list. That doesn't leave many. Of those you take away those who are less active on the site and then perhaps the ones that you blindly befriended just to have someone on your list when you first joined and you're left with a core group, if one's lucky maybe ten people, that you actually keep in touch with. Law of averages my core is much, much smaller, because I don't understand incessant blah blah that doesn't say anything. I've spent too long using such blah blah on all those others and others that aren't befriended trying to impress them into conversation. The conversation has always been one sided, I'm afraid. Being I don't want to do it in the first place I'm not going to put on airs and continue to do so. Ironically, most if not all that read this are not my subject of discussion, which is my entire point: I'm tired of trying so hard for anyone who wasn't paying attention anyways. And first and foremost, I plan to do things because I want to and not because of some response or action I wish to inspire in someone else. Simply, there's no need in talking if no one is listening.

That said, I have nothing to say EXCEPT... I'm totally loving Scarlett Johansson right now. I had a dream around a week ago with her and she's haunted me ever since. The most erotic thing about it was me lying across the foot of the bed with her sitting next to me, one of those lost moments we usually don't think about in our relationships. Both fully clothed yet sharing a moment of closeness that no words or pictures can convey; it's a moment trapped in the chemical and electrical impulses that besides actually being in love can be experienced through a dream. Sadly, my mind is stuck on that unreal moment fabricated from the yearnings of my subconscious. So, yeah, I love Scarlett Johansson at the moment.

Though I think her name is using too many letters. It's cheating at Scrabble.

I promise you when I sat down I truly had nothing to put down.

I keep meaning to offer pics of something, anything, here. I haven't gotten around to it for when you live dusk to dawn it's hard to capture anything pretty. I'll work on that.