Something I posted on my blogger a while back that I thought I would post on here and see if anyone has a response.
"I was listening to Ashley and Raeven talk yesterday. Listing to Raeven talk about her wish to be a teacher. To teach inner city kids. Her political agenda, and how much passion she believes in these things. Listening to Ashley talk about wanting to volunteer in Africa. I've listened to different people talk about things that they care about. Helping others. Learning things. Understanding things. Talking to people. A drive to climb higher. A drive to educate. All these people, with these goals, a drive, and a purpose. Passion for something. And I am left astounded and confused. Not confused by the subject of their dreams. Simple words and phrases strung together to form meaning I can get. But the emotion behind it. I am lacking. Ashleys drive to do her job. Her job is her life. People going to school to better themselves. People who have passion to do better than their piers. People who are motivated by what other people judge them to be is still a drive. Things down and simple as a drive to do improve your car stereo in a stylistic, individual manor is still a drive i don't really have. I wake up because I can only sleep so long. I work because I need money to have food and a place to live. I just feel lost, washed out and empty in the face of other peoples passion. Like they can see through me. They are the people that make decisions and turn the world. I feel plastic next to that. People have commented to me about my "Goal to find a goal. Dream to have a Dream". This is a little bit more thought out description of that.
There are so many things that I am able to do. Nothing that I feel any inertia to progress. I'm just able to do things "good enough" Nothing I can devote my life to. My career I fell into. I literally do not remember talking to a recruiter. Just one day he was out my house saying I had setup an appointment, and I followed the path that lay before me there. I had an interest in electronics at the time, and did well enough on the ASVAB so I got an electronics job. So here I am today, 6 years down the road, doing the same job. My interest in the military long subsided, so I left it once the choice was mine. Electronics, like guitars, computers and art; are all things that I can pick back up without ever having lost anything. So they persist in my life. Do I feel a sense of pride when I accomplish something new on these things? Yes, but I never can find a sense of completion to these new beginnings. So, once again, they fall to the way side. Me trying to understand why Ashley wants to have a great effect on man kind or accomplish some great good, is like a park bench trying to understand why a person gets up and walks away. I just feel like I was born with out the mental capacity to encompass that line of thinking."
"I was listening to Ashley and Raeven talk yesterday. Listing to Raeven talk about her wish to be a teacher. To teach inner city kids. Her political agenda, and how much passion she believes in these things. Listening to Ashley talk about wanting to volunteer in Africa. I've listened to different people talk about things that they care about. Helping others. Learning things. Understanding things. Talking to people. A drive to climb higher. A drive to educate. All these people, with these goals, a drive, and a purpose. Passion for something. And I am left astounded and confused. Not confused by the subject of their dreams. Simple words and phrases strung together to form meaning I can get. But the emotion behind it. I am lacking. Ashleys drive to do her job. Her job is her life. People going to school to better themselves. People who have passion to do better than their piers. People who are motivated by what other people judge them to be is still a drive. Things down and simple as a drive to do improve your car stereo in a stylistic, individual manor is still a drive i don't really have. I wake up because I can only sleep so long. I work because I need money to have food and a place to live. I just feel lost, washed out and empty in the face of other peoples passion. Like they can see through me. They are the people that make decisions and turn the world. I feel plastic next to that. People have commented to me about my "Goal to find a goal. Dream to have a Dream". This is a little bit more thought out description of that.
There are so many things that I am able to do. Nothing that I feel any inertia to progress. I'm just able to do things "good enough" Nothing I can devote my life to. My career I fell into. I literally do not remember talking to a recruiter. Just one day he was out my house saying I had setup an appointment, and I followed the path that lay before me there. I had an interest in electronics at the time, and did well enough on the ASVAB so I got an electronics job. So here I am today, 6 years down the road, doing the same job. My interest in the military long subsided, so I left it once the choice was mine. Electronics, like guitars, computers and art; are all things that I can pick back up without ever having lost anything. So they persist in my life. Do I feel a sense of pride when I accomplish something new on these things? Yes, but I never can find a sense of completion to these new beginnings. So, once again, they fall to the way side. Me trying to understand why Ashley wants to have a great effect on man kind or accomplish some great good, is like a park bench trying to understand why a person gets up and walks away. I just feel like I was born with out the mental capacity to encompass that line of thinking."