thebeliever

It's been six months since breaking up with J. Or about that long. It's hard to believe that it's somehow okay, somehow possible to feel pain for this long. But I guess it can go on longer, much longer, or so I've heard. Maybe it shows, in some sort of fucked up way, just how much you loved that person. I can't see what good it does us as humans for it to last this long, though. I think I'm supposed to be learning something from this, and I suppose I have. But, hey, OK, I got it, can the lessons sort of end now?

Fuck. Your heart, your emotional center, just takes its own sweet time. I suppose there is a deeper wisdom inherent in all of this experience. For the life of me, I'd settle for some stupid happiness, some unwise joy.

God damn I miss her. Every fucking day, every fucking hour. That's it.