Why I Hate Tucson Drivers:
Enjoy!
- Turn signals is this really awesome feature installed into a car, for a reason. You must have read the manual wrong. It wasn't meant to show which hand you masturbate with.
- The left lane is the fast lane. I understand that not all cars accelerate as fast, or are able to keep up with the flow of traffic, but that's what the right hand lane is for. Hey! It's not my fault you drive a hooptie. "If you can't swim, stay out of the water."
- If you're going to cut someone off, don't speed past them, get in front of them, and press on your brakes. I'm not sure how you got your license, but I guarantee if you want to learn how to cut someone off correctly, go on the LA freeway during rush hour. They will gladly flip you off for pulling the shit you do down here.
- I wasn't aware that green meant stop, red meant go, and yellow meant speed up, and then slam on your brakes. Since you're already going to T-bone someone, you might as well do 15 over the speed limit, so at least the other motorists have something to look at as they drive by.
- I don't think you read the manual, when you went to get your drivers permit. You did take the written test, riiiiiight? Flashing red lights are the same thing as a stop sign. You stop, look both ways, and "proceed with caution." Although the car to your right isn't moving, because the car to his right isn't moving, doesn't mean you have to sit there and be trendy. I'm stuck behind you, and late for work. You aren't going to get arrested for having a mind of your own!
- Is it really necessary to have your bumper 2 1/2 inches away from the rear of my car at a stop light? What are you looking for? A kaleidescope of colors? Perhaps a piece of bird shit that happened to land on my trunk? That's fine. I'll just pull forward a bit. But there you are again! Right behind me. Except 1 1/2 inches apart now.
- A suicide lane was given it's name for a reason. During certain hours, it's a third lane depending on which side you're on. And you CAN NOT make left turns. But you wouldn't know that would you? Because you're too busy talking on your cell phone, and too stupid to read the signs. Yeah, that's me in front of you, holding the horn down. Get the fuck out of my way buddy or I'm taking you with me.
- You aren't going to hell for going 5 miles over the speed limit.
- I realize road rage is exhilarating for some. The whole intimidation factor is a huge thing for insecure people such as yourself. The saying, "It's my way or the highway," is a cute little expression, but let's keep it at that, and not, "It's my way or the side of the highway, going 55 miles per hour, into a concrete wall, because you looked at me funny." Don't endanger someone else's life because you ran out of tampons, and you're bleeding like a stuffed pig all over your brand new leather seats.
- Road-Head is considered a DUI.
- Bass is awesome. But when my breasts are bouncing everywhere, because you want to impress some snatches who are about to ride the bus, and I'm 5 cars in front of you, I think that's a sign to turn the volume down.
- You better pray to god that when you rear-end me, because you were applying foundation to your face, while shifting gears, that you have insurance. Because if you don't, I'm going to duct tape you to the suicide lane.
:o) Well, as much fun as I'm having, all things must come to an end. (And I pray it's Tucson driver's).
Enjoy!
- Turn signals is this really awesome feature installed into a car, for a reason. You must have read the manual wrong. It wasn't meant to show which hand you masturbate with.
- The left lane is the fast lane. I understand that not all cars accelerate as fast, or are able to keep up with the flow of traffic, but that's what the right hand lane is for. Hey! It's not my fault you drive a hooptie. "If you can't swim, stay out of the water."
- If you're going to cut someone off, don't speed past them, get in front of them, and press on your brakes. I'm not sure how you got your license, but I guarantee if you want to learn how to cut someone off correctly, go on the LA freeway during rush hour. They will gladly flip you off for pulling the shit you do down here.
- I wasn't aware that green meant stop, red meant go, and yellow meant speed up, and then slam on your brakes. Since you're already going to T-bone someone, you might as well do 15 over the speed limit, so at least the other motorists have something to look at as they drive by.
- I don't think you read the manual, when you went to get your drivers permit. You did take the written test, riiiiiight? Flashing red lights are the same thing as a stop sign. You stop, look both ways, and "proceed with caution." Although the car to your right isn't moving, because the car to his right isn't moving, doesn't mean you have to sit there and be trendy. I'm stuck behind you, and late for work. You aren't going to get arrested for having a mind of your own!
- Is it really necessary to have your bumper 2 1/2 inches away from the rear of my car at a stop light? What are you looking for? A kaleidescope of colors? Perhaps a piece of bird shit that happened to land on my trunk? That's fine. I'll just pull forward a bit. But there you are again! Right behind me. Except 1 1/2 inches apart now.
- A suicide lane was given it's name for a reason. During certain hours, it's a third lane depending on which side you're on. And you CAN NOT make left turns. But you wouldn't know that would you? Because you're too busy talking on your cell phone, and too stupid to read the signs. Yeah, that's me in front of you, holding the horn down. Get the fuck out of my way buddy or I'm taking you with me.
- You aren't going to hell for going 5 miles over the speed limit.
- I realize road rage is exhilarating for some. The whole intimidation factor is a huge thing for insecure people such as yourself. The saying, "It's my way or the highway," is a cute little expression, but let's keep it at that, and not, "It's my way or the side of the highway, going 55 miles per hour, into a concrete wall, because you looked at me funny." Don't endanger someone else's life because you ran out of tampons, and you're bleeding like a stuffed pig all over your brand new leather seats.
- Road-Head is considered a DUI.
- Bass is awesome. But when my breasts are bouncing everywhere, because you want to impress some snatches who are about to ride the bus, and I'm 5 cars in front of you, I think that's a sign to turn the volume down.
- You better pray to god that when you rear-end me, because you were applying foundation to your face, while shifting gears, that you have insurance. Because if you don't, I'm going to duct tape you to the suicide lane.
:o) Well, as much fun as I'm having, all things must come to an end. (And I pray it's Tucson driver's).
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
tuscon sounds like a blessing to that. but here, yes, i'd throw a soda at any of the tucson cases above.
Maybe their cruise control is broken. Or maybe they're really high. Most of the time, I've found, they're driving something they're proud of, say a mustang or a porsche,
Then, even though you've been going 10 miles an hour faster than them for as long as you can see them, they opt to speed up, esp when someone else comes from behind and wants to pass you at the same time.