the_minx

I realized tonight that I have been wasting the very little time I have left to be a child. The only time where it's easy to change things about yourself. The time where responsibility is like a walk in the park, compared to others.

The only reason my responsibilites have become so stressing and harsh, is because of me. Not anyone else or anything.

I can no longer allow myself to live such a lazy, irresponsible, forgetful, flaky, unmotivated life.

I'm tired of sitting around and making the same mistakes over and over. I'm tired of blaming it on other people. I'm tired of letting people walk all over me, and walking all over myself.

I've been my own worst enemy.

I can't say anyone's "bad" for me, because I am bad for some people, so who would I to put that type of label on someone. I just realize by allowing myself to be around some of the people I do, I have less self-discipline, and it's my fault. Not theirs.

It's kind of like what they say in AA. It's not that I don't love my friends. It's not that they make me feel bad about myself...but rather, they represent a memory of a person I used to be, who I am not anymore. And being around them, makes it easy to fall into old habits....and I cannot help but feel tempted to do foolish things I use to do, and act the way I used to...and it's a constant reminder.

I don't want to forget the past or the future. I want to embrace it. But I also want to move on to the better person I have always been meant to be.

I love everyone. And I will change my life now, and those in it accordingly.

Thanks for listening.