Just returned from my daytrip to the beach. I found a nice little spot on a cliff that looked out over the ocean...It was a little cold, and there was a drizzle, but it was perfect.
I missed the coast...I used to go there all the time when I was younger, find tidal caves to hide-out in, build sandcastles, or watch the sunset. I lived in the Virgin Islands until I was three, and my first real memory is eating fried bananas on a beach on a warm evening, watching the water change colors with the sun, from blue to green to yellow to orange to blood red, then purple and dark blue, when the stars came out and danced in the sky.
I haven't seen anything like that since.
Today, however, I didn't watch any sunsets, I just watched the violent waves crash and fight against each other, goaded by the strong winds.
I realized that those waves in a way resemble my life, a sea of emotions that are powerful and yet have no real shape. There are these two parts of me that are constantly fighting with each other, pushing and shoving; one part is the old me, who was I was, naive and silly, the second part is the new me, who I am now, wiser and more serious.
I think there were always be parts about me that are silly, but...I don't think I can ever go back to who I was. The first part is losing the battle, like the smaller wave being engulfed by the larger one.
Maybe someday these waters will be peaceful, and maybe someday I can see that beautiful sunset again.
Maybe someday I can find someone who will love me. For now, I find contentment within myself.
I missed the coast...I used to go there all the time when I was younger, find tidal caves to hide-out in, build sandcastles, or watch the sunset. I lived in the Virgin Islands until I was three, and my first real memory is eating fried bananas on a beach on a warm evening, watching the water change colors with the sun, from blue to green to yellow to orange to blood red, then purple and dark blue, when the stars came out and danced in the sky.
I haven't seen anything like that since.
Today, however, I didn't watch any sunsets, I just watched the violent waves crash and fight against each other, goaded by the strong winds.
I realized that those waves in a way resemble my life, a sea of emotions that are powerful and yet have no real shape. There are these two parts of me that are constantly fighting with each other, pushing and shoving; one part is the old me, who was I was, naive and silly, the second part is the new me, who I am now, wiser and more serious.
I think there were always be parts about me that are silly, but...I don't think I can ever go back to who I was. The first part is losing the battle, like the smaller wave being engulfed by the larger one.
Maybe someday these waters will be peaceful, and maybe someday I can see that beautiful sunset again.
Maybe someday I can find someone who will love me. For now, I find contentment within myself.