No philosophy class today 
I kinda miss it, I haven't had class in 4 weeks now!!! I wonder if the teacher is going to be able to finish the course and teach us everything he is supposed to... I've also got a project due in the class in 4 weeks it's our final project instead of a final exam. He hasn't talked much about it,...
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I kinda miss it, I haven't had class in 4 weeks now!!! I wonder if the teacher is going to be able to finish the course and teach us everything he is supposed to... I've also got a project due in the class in 4 weeks it's our final project instead of a final exam. He hasn't talked much about it,...
Read More
Busy past two days with school and all. I'm so tired I haven't slept at all in the past couple days.
Have you ever stared at the stars and tried to create your own constellations?
"These two here, straight line, to that one... Curves around here..."
I did that last night. Only it wasn't stars it was the little dots of crunchy stuff on my...
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Have you ever stared at the stars and tried to create your own constellations?
"These two here, straight line, to that one... Curves around here..."
I did that last night. Only it wasn't stars it was the little dots of crunchy stuff on my...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
citrus:
i've done the staring at popcorn ceilings before. it's like the same thing with clouds, making shapes out of them.
i'll do that with anything, though - the grain in wood, the texture on walls, the clouds of course, patterns on fabric...
it's fun but eventually starts fucking with my depth perception
good thing you decided against drawing the connections - those ceilings are a bitch to paint over!!!
thanks for the comment you left, explaining your ideas a little more thoroughly. i think the most important thing to me, besides being sure the 'golf balls' can breathe, is keeping the jar together... i think i said that yesterday, or something to that effect.
i don't have a problem being away from my mother. i think the difficult thing, coming back, was that i'd already been away for six years. i can relate to your disenchantment with current status and feeling as though you haven't reached what you were aiming for at one point in time... i worked in high school, felt bored with school until i was assigned to alternative education, went straight from home into a housewife-type role and have just worked since then. FIVE YEARS AGO this idea to come back to dallas, work until i could go to new york, and attend the CIA got into my head. FIVE YEARS. what have i done since then? lived my life away and made sure to pay the bills.
i'm ready. as i said, also, i embrace "growth"... i don't know - i think a better word is evolution, but it's contextually inappropriate. and i'm honestly not sure if it's what i want to do. i like to plan and everything, i like to dream, but ultimately my happiness depends on my ability to appreciate what's going on and to make the best of what i have and to know when to stretch for more.
i am most afraid of fear - isn't that funny? it is THE most inhibitive emotion in my opinion - it's a trap.
don't worry about your family and stuff while you're out there doing your thing. it sounds to me that you have a good idea in there about what's going on, where you want to go, your limits/standards and all that. keep moving.
i'm happy to have shared with you.
i will certainly take pictures of the campus for you to see.
getting the film developed is another story (kidding, i'll have my mother's husband do it for me - he may very well insist)
talk soon.
i'll do that with anything, though - the grain in wood, the texture on walls, the clouds of course, patterns on fabric...
it's fun but eventually starts fucking with my depth perception
good thing you decided against drawing the connections - those ceilings are a bitch to paint over!!!
thanks for the comment you left, explaining your ideas a little more thoroughly. i think the most important thing to me, besides being sure the 'golf balls' can breathe, is keeping the jar together... i think i said that yesterday, or something to that effect.
i don't have a problem being away from my mother. i think the difficult thing, coming back, was that i'd already been away for six years. i can relate to your disenchantment with current status and feeling as though you haven't reached what you were aiming for at one point in time... i worked in high school, felt bored with school until i was assigned to alternative education, went straight from home into a housewife-type role and have just worked since then. FIVE YEARS AGO this idea to come back to dallas, work until i could go to new york, and attend the CIA got into my head. FIVE YEARS. what have i done since then? lived my life away and made sure to pay the bills.
i'm ready. as i said, also, i embrace "growth"... i don't know - i think a better word is evolution, but it's contextually inappropriate. and i'm honestly not sure if it's what i want to do. i like to plan and everything, i like to dream, but ultimately my happiness depends on my ability to appreciate what's going on and to make the best of what i have and to know when to stretch for more.
i am most afraid of fear - isn't that funny? it is THE most inhibitive emotion in my opinion - it's a trap.
don't worry about your family and stuff while you're out there doing your thing. it sounds to me that you have a good idea in there about what's going on, where you want to go, your limits/standards and all that. keep moving.
i'm happy to have shared with you.
i will certainly take pictures of the campus for you to see.
getting the film developed is another story
(kidding, i'll have my mother's husband do it for me - he may very well insist)
talk soon.
citrus:
sorry about the meridian room. it's cool, though. it was all laid-back, a little loud sitting where we were. smoked too many cigarettes.
it is past my bedtime and i have to get to sleep for tomorrow yum.
fiveyears?
i'vebeenpayingthebills and livingdaytoday and workingadeskjobwithnumbersandfluffystickfigures. i've beenkeepingmyheadabovewater and dealingwithinterpersonalrelations. i've beenaspiringtobe and practicingsomethingatanygivenmoment. i've beendreamingofsomelifethatithoughticouldcreate when reallyit'screatedsomewhereformealreadyinspaceandtime.
i am high. please forgive me.
it is projected that i will fall in love with the city. i mentioned to cupofkarma tonight that i waver so between the lifeinthefastlane and takeiteasy.
and justtoclarify - that's in five days haha!
i'm excited and focusing to keep calm. every time i venture into a city i'm unfamiliar with (even when i'm exploring my own town for newness) it evolves into this 'life changing event'... i sometimes feel very aware of it, sometimes i think i expect too much. there is purpose to it, even if only the silly one i assign myself.
it's not at all that i don't like pastry. i'm a girl who can appreciate baking and pastry making, oh yes.
my thing with any kind of food preparation is how it seems to reach all of our senses...
i mean, we could categorize them, sure.
i am just so interested in nutrition and pairing and ... i guess, in my opinion, culinary vs. pastry is almost like science vs art, though they both intricately involve each other.
i think the two practices serve somewhat different functions.
maybe it's evident of my nature, but i am also interested in the science of mainsustenancetypefood because of my inclination to nurture people. pastry is kindof a bonus and beautiful in another way.
i dunno. it's just my choice, i guess. and i never really had any struggle with whether or not that's what i wanted to focus on - of those two particular choices anyway
p.s. i think it's unanimous amongst the girls whose company i enjoyed this evening, we'd like to call you by your first name.
that's what we'll do.
[Edited on Apr 03, 2004 12:45AM]
it is past my bedtime and i have to get to sleep for tomorrow yum.
fiveyears?
i'vebeenpayingthebills and livingdaytoday and workingadeskjobwithnumbersandfluffystickfigures. i've beenkeepingmyheadabovewater and dealingwithinterpersonalrelations. i've beenaspiringtobe and practicingsomethingatanygivenmoment. i've beendreamingofsomelifethatithoughticouldcreate when reallyit'screatedsomewhereformealreadyinspaceandtime.
i am high. please forgive me.
it is projected that i will fall in love with the city. i mentioned to cupofkarma tonight that i waver so between the lifeinthefastlane and takeiteasy.
and justtoclarify - that's in five days haha!
i'm excited and focusing to keep calm. every time i venture into a city i'm unfamiliar with (even when i'm exploring my own town for newness) it evolves into this 'life changing event'... i sometimes feel very aware of it, sometimes i think i expect too much. there is purpose to it, even if only the silly one i assign myself.
it's not at all that i don't like pastry. i'm a girl who can appreciate baking and pastry making, oh yes.
my thing with any kind of food preparation is how it seems to reach all of our senses...
i mean, we could categorize them, sure.
i am just so interested in nutrition and pairing and ... i guess, in my opinion, culinary vs. pastry is almost like science vs art, though they both intricately involve each other.
i think the two practices serve somewhat different functions.
maybe it's evident of my nature, but i am also interested in the science of mainsustenancetypefood because of my inclination to nurture people. pastry is kindof a bonus and beautiful in another way.
i dunno. it's just my choice, i guess. and i never really had any struggle with whether or not that's what i wanted to focus on - of those two particular choices anyway
p.s. i think it's unanimous amongst the girls whose company i enjoyed this evening, we'd like to call you by your first name.
that's what we'll do.
[Edited on Apr 03, 2004 12:45AM]
Nere Imani Kujujakaleer
Here's to the best words in the right place at the perfect times of the human mind blown up and refined
to long conversations and the philosophical ramifications of a beautiful day
To the 12 steppers at the 13th step may they never forget, the first step
to the increase to the decrease
to the do to the do to the did...
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citrus:
thanks...
right?
no peace without
i'm happy to have a forum to vent and that it isn't misdirected... sure sometimes misinterpreted, but such is the nature of communication.
i really appreciate the pep, mister. really really.
right?
no peace without
i'm happy to have a forum to vent and that it isn't misdirected... sure sometimes misinterpreted, but such is the nature of communication.
i really appreciate the pep, mister. really really.
citrus:
mmm
a little elaboration:
it IS hard going home and the initial transition, as you can obviously relate, was difficult. my mother and i have had an awkward relationship my entire life because i feel like i am the acceptable accident - details perhaps at another time. but i think that everyone's relationship with their parents is as unique as our relationships with other people can be.
but i love my mother too, there are many aspects of her character that i admire and aspire to portray. there are also lessons i've learned from her regarding how NOT to behave, but i must trust that she's always done the best she could as a human being.
at this point in our relationship, that's the battle she and i are fighting - that i will do the best i can and she cannot live my life for me. of course they want what they think is best for us, of course they want to save us mistakes similar to ones they made or witnessed (and you know, sometimes i wish i could learn from other peoples' mistakes, as well.) she likes not to worry and i think i'm having a difficult time understanding why she is so much more worried while i'm in close proximity to her as opposed to what she exhibited when i was living on my own.
but again, as i said, my appreciation for the gesture she's made, welcoming me back into the nest while i alleviate some of the baggage i have before flying away again, is overwhelming and certainly outweighs any of the annoyance i experience from our miniscule amount of conflict.
i mentioned that i'd read the anecdote you sent me before - the metaphorical dealio
sometimes so many little things are overwhelming, though... you know. think about how it felt with the sand compressed around the golf balls
i think that a person's character is accentuated in adversity.
and i'm okay, you know. i just wanted to close the door for a minute and collect myself. when i feel overwhelmed, i don't want to waste myself on other people.
it's not the strongest personality trait i possess, the reclusive nature when under pressure, but it's the way i deal - i focus on the jar itself.
i certainly accept that i don't belong necessarily in one place, doing one thing - i am a lover of change and an "experience junkie"... i don't think i'd be happy with one specific anything but still i struggle with challenge versus contentedness (which is not necessarily complacence)
i honestly believe that this is "normal"
and i am not trying to be looking because it is possibly naive for me to think i know what i'm looking for, i think it would leave me more jaded than anything. i'm trying to just DO stuff, to BE ALIVE, to be aware of my own ambition and progress, you know.
go go go
and hey, that can translate into so much at once ... and i like to sweat, soooo... sometimes i feel a little sticky.
if any of this is a garble of junk just tell me. i will try to explain if i can even understand where i was going.
heh.
i have got to get back to work now! hahah!
thank you for giving a shit, yo.
thanks for inspiring me to rant into your journal.
a little elaboration:
it IS hard going home and the initial transition, as you can obviously relate, was difficult. my mother and i have had an awkward relationship my entire life because i feel like i am the acceptable accident - details perhaps at another time. but i think that everyone's relationship with their parents is as unique as our relationships with other people can be.
but i love my mother too, there are many aspects of her character that i admire and aspire to portray. there are also lessons i've learned from her regarding how NOT to behave, but i must trust that she's always done the best she could as a human being.
at this point in our relationship, that's the battle she and i are fighting - that i will do the best i can and she cannot live my life for me. of course they want what they think is best for us, of course they want to save us mistakes similar to ones they made or witnessed (and you know, sometimes i wish i could learn from other peoples' mistakes, as well.) she likes not to worry and i think i'm having a difficult time understanding why she is so much more worried while i'm in close proximity to her as opposed to what she exhibited when i was living on my own.
but again, as i said, my appreciation for the gesture she's made, welcoming me back into the nest while i alleviate some of the baggage i have before flying away again, is overwhelming and certainly outweighs any of the annoyance i experience from our miniscule amount of conflict.
i mentioned that i'd read the anecdote you sent me before - the metaphorical dealio
sometimes so many little things are overwhelming, though... you know. think about how it felt with the sand compressed around the golf balls
i think that a person's character is accentuated in adversity.
and i'm okay, you know. i just wanted to close the door for a minute and collect myself. when i feel overwhelmed, i don't want to waste myself on other people.
it's not the strongest personality trait i possess, the reclusive nature when under pressure, but it's the way i deal - i focus on the jar itself.
i certainly accept that i don't belong necessarily in one place, doing one thing - i am a lover of change and an "experience junkie"... i don't think i'd be happy with one specific anything but still i struggle with challenge versus contentedness (which is not necessarily complacence)
i honestly believe that this is "normal"
and i am not trying to be looking because it is possibly naive for me to think i know what i'm looking for, i think it would leave me more jaded than anything. i'm trying to just DO stuff, to BE ALIVE, to be aware of my own ambition and progress, you know.
go go go
and hey, that can translate into so much at once ... and i like to sweat, soooo... sometimes i feel a little sticky.
if any of this is a garble of junk just tell me. i will try to explain if i can even understand where i was going.
heh.
i have got to get back to work now! hahah!
thank you for giving a shit, yo.
thanks for inspiring me to rant into your journal.
Couple days no updating?
*Bad me!*
So we went out friday night. Glad to see everyone again. Met some cool new people talked again with some of the people I met at the potluck! I had 7 drinks that night, maybe a little too much, but I handled it alot better.
So lets see quick review:
Chuys - 3 Margarita's, and a Corona. Good food...
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*Bad me!*
So we went out friday night. Glad to see everyone again. Met some cool new people talked again with some of the people I met at the potluck! I had 7 drinks that night, maybe a little too much, but I handled it alot better.
So lets see quick review:
Chuys - 3 Margarita's, and a Corona. Good food...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
m1lkm4n:
Gag me with a spoon. You do know that all the peeps you see in stores now were all made in the 1970's right? I shit you not. Ok, maybe a little bit...
xiphoidtoo:
I like to save my peeps for the summer, then use firecrackers to blow the shit out of them. That's just me. 
That's just me. I was feeling nostalgic yesterday, and I was remembering some of the times I've had growing up. There's a few things that have happened that I remember really well, and I think made lasting impacts on me. I wrote a Narrative essay for english last semester on one, and I thought I'd share it with all of you.
It's called "Tyranny of a Father and...
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It's called "Tyranny of a Father and...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
cupofkarma:
thank you so much for taking me home!!
lillith1:
Hmm the 9th you say...
Im supose to be in colorado around then. But, i can try to push it a few days later. *Thx for the invite*
Im supose to be in colorado around then. But, i can try to push it a few days later. *Thx for the invite*
I notice an interesting personality development.
When I'm talking to people (IRL I mean) I usually don't worry too much about what I say, if i end up sounding silly or stupid. I don't know why, I guess I just don't mind laughing at myself it it comes out all wrong.
But here online I notice it is often different. I can't really explain it....
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When I'm talking to people (IRL I mean) I usually don't worry too much about what I say, if i end up sounding silly or stupid. I don't know why, I guess I just don't mind laughing at myself it it comes out all wrong.
But here online I notice it is often different. I can't really explain it....
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
masaba:
yeah i'll probably be able to update the journal occasionally while i'm gone, but i won't get to scan pictures
citrus:
it is an interesting dynamic...
but just think, in person, people get so much MORE of you - and it's funny i type that because i have stated before that people get more of another person HERE. i just think what we are capable of sharing in "real life" versus through "text" is just different.
sometimes we are more in tune and in position to manipulate our thoughts, perfect them a bit, if you will. but we don't have the body language portion of communication here so much as we do in person. the whole presence, i suppose.
meh
i don't know if i care either way. i mean i must because i strive to be better and sure i can tell myself i want to impress only myself all i want to and it's really ridiculous.
i don't know how much fun this whole experience would be if i didn't have others to interact with on some level.
aaaaand... there is another conversation to tangent from.
*ahem*
i'm weird and self conscious, too... but self awareness is important and can, as anything else, be abused
i'menrd and self conscious in a similar manner as you insinuate you are in this entry.
but uhm...
oh well, whatever, nevermind
besides, the truth is subjective - that's my story and i'm sticking to it, until, of course, i change my mind.
[Edited on Mar 24, 2004 9:40PM]
but just think, in person, people get so much MORE of you - and it's funny i type that because i have stated before that people get more of another person HERE. i just think what we are capable of sharing in "real life" versus through "text" is just different.
sometimes we are more in tune and in position to manipulate our thoughts, perfect them a bit, if you will. but we don't have the body language portion of communication here so much as we do in person. the whole presence, i suppose.
meh
i don't know if i care either way. i mean i must because i strive to be better and sure i can tell myself i want to impress only myself all i want to and it's really ridiculous.
i don't know how much fun this whole experience would be if i didn't have others to interact with on some level.
aaaaand... there is another conversation to tangent from.
*ahem*
i'm weird and self conscious, too... but self awareness is important and can, as anything else, be abused
i'menrd and self conscious in a similar manner as you insinuate you are in this entry.
but uhm...
oh well, whatever, nevermind
besides, the truth is subjective - that's my story and i'm sticking to it, until, of course, i change my mind.
[Edited on Mar 24, 2004 9:40PM]
So, we've been discussing ethics is philosophy, and I have an ethical question I wish to pose.
"Do you have an obligation to your peers, Moral, Practical or otherwise to post even if you don't have anything to say or anything new to update?"
Not much happened to me today...
We bought a cantaloupe, and because I'm not sure of the answer to my question,...
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"Do you have an obligation to your peers, Moral, Practical or otherwise to post even if you don't have anything to say or anything new to update?"
Not much happened to me today...
We bought a cantaloupe, and because I'm not sure of the answer to my question,...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
m1lkm4n:
Not at all, and if you got that impression I am sorry. If anything I was stating that you discourse on cantaloupe was a perfect exmple of what constitues profound wisdom.
masaba:
actually, i plan to be there for 3 months...i'm not going to try to see everything in every country, because i know i will be back...
thanks for the ideas
thanks for the ideas
I'm feeling better today, the antibiotics are doing their job.
Practicals are all finished. And my essay for the CIA is just about done.
All stress is melting away. YAY!
Now to work to plan for the sushi party. Hope lots of people are planning on coming!
Practicals are all finished. And my essay for the CIA is just about done.
All stress is melting away. YAY!
Now to work to plan for the sushi party. Hope lots of people are planning on coming!
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
cupofkarma:
joe is doing fine. we have to wait 'till we get the police report to find out the rest of the info. hope that you're doing well!!
citrus:
will you be my friend?
I seem to be rollercoastering alot lately.
I woke up this morning really sick, I have a realy bad sore throat. I had to go see a doctor, and I don't have insurance so that sucked. Alot.
He gave me a prescription, and some decongestants, he gave me those free though, that was nice, I got these really big amoxicillin tablets. they're not horse pills,...
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I woke up this morning really sick, I have a realy bad sore throat. I had to go see a doctor, and I don't have insurance so that sucked. Alot.
He gave me a prescription, and some decongestants, he gave me those free though, that was nice, I got these really big amoxicillin tablets. they're not horse pills,...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
masaba:
i'm sorry you are sick, that really sucks....i'm excited about the sushi party!
m1lkm4n:
I give you special "feel better voodoo" just for you, take it and be merry.
*** Practicals, Practicals, Practicals ***
I have both my practicals today! YAY!
This morning I had basic food prep, I had to make a hollandaise with asparagus, and a cream of broccoli soup. I got a perfect score on the cream of broccoli soup, but missed a couple points on the hollandaise because I slightly oversalted it, even though it was perfect with the asparagus,...
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I have both my practicals today! YAY!
This morning I had basic food prep, I had to make a hollandaise with asparagus, and a cream of broccoli soup. I got a perfect score on the cream of broccoli soup, but missed a couple points on the hollandaise because I slightly oversalted it, even though it was perfect with the asparagus,...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
masaba:
pinch, pinch
sushi party sounds cool...............
sushi party sounds cool...............
clara:
I haven't liked much of the sushi I've tried, but that sounds like a fun theme for a party.
enquiring minds want to know.....