Busy past two days with school and all. I'm so tired I haven't slept at all in the past couple days.
Have you ever stared at the stars and tried to create your own constellations?
"These two here, straight line, to that one... Curves around here..."
I did that last night. Only it wasn't stars it was the little dots of crunchy stuff on my ceiling. I was thinking for awhile it might be cool to get my sharpie from my toolkit and draw them up there, that was I wouldn't have to look again later. I opted against that idea. Looking back I'm glad. Though sleep deprivation is telling me again that it might be fun...
Have you ever stared at the stars and tried to create your own constellations?
"These two here, straight line, to that one... Curves around here..."
I did that last night. Only it wasn't stars it was the little dots of crunchy stuff on my ceiling. I was thinking for awhile it might be cool to get my sharpie from my toolkit and draw them up there, that was I wouldn't have to look again later. I opted against that idea. Looking back I'm glad. Though sleep deprivation is telling me again that it might be fun...
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i'll do that with anything, though - the grain in wood, the texture on walls, the clouds of course, patterns on fabric...
it's fun but eventually starts fucking with my depth perception
good thing you decided against drawing the connections - those ceilings are a bitch to paint over!!!
thanks for the comment you left, explaining your ideas a little more thoroughly. i think the most important thing to me, besides being sure the 'golf balls' can breathe, is keeping the jar together... i think i said that yesterday, or something to that effect.
i don't have a problem being away from my mother. i think the difficult thing, coming back, was that i'd already been away for six years. i can relate to your disenchantment with current status and feeling as though you haven't reached what you were aiming for at one point in time... i worked in high school, felt bored with school until i was assigned to alternative education, went straight from home into a housewife-type role and have just worked since then. FIVE YEARS AGO this idea to come back to dallas, work until i could go to new york, and attend the CIA got into my head. FIVE YEARS. what have i done since then? lived my life away and made sure to pay the bills.
i'm ready. as i said, also, i embrace "growth"... i don't know - i think a better word is evolution, but it's contextually inappropriate. and i'm honestly not sure if it's what i want to do. i like to plan and everything, i like to dream, but ultimately my happiness depends on my ability to appreciate what's going on and to make the best of what i have and to know when to stretch for more.
i am most afraid of fear - isn't that funny? it is THE most inhibitive emotion in my opinion - it's a trap.
don't worry about your family and stuff while you're out there doing your thing. it sounds to me that you have a good idea in there about what's going on, where you want to go, your limits/standards and all that. keep moving.
i'm happy to have shared with you.
i will certainly take pictures of the campus for you to see.
getting the film developed is another story
talk soon.
it is past my bedtime and i have to get to sleep for tomorrow yum.
fiveyears?
i'vebeenpayingthebills and livingdaytoday and workingadeskjobwithnumbersandfluffystickfigures. i've beenkeepingmyheadabovewater and dealingwithinterpersonalrelations. i've beenaspiringtobe and practicingsomethingatanygivenmoment. i've beendreamingofsomelifethatithoughticouldcreate when reallyit'screatedsomewhereformealreadyinspaceandtime.
i am high. please forgive me.
it is projected that i will fall in love with the city. i mentioned to cupofkarma tonight that i waver so between the lifeinthefastlane and takeiteasy.
and justtoclarify - that's in five days haha!
i'm excited and focusing to keep calm. every time i venture into a city i'm unfamiliar with (even when i'm exploring my own town for newness) it evolves into this 'life changing event'... i sometimes feel very aware of it, sometimes i think i expect too much. there is purpose to it, even if only the silly one i assign myself.
it's not at all that i don't like pastry. i'm a girl who can appreciate baking and pastry making, oh yes.
my thing with any kind of food preparation is how it seems to reach all of our senses...
i mean, we could categorize them, sure.
i am just so interested in nutrition and pairing and ... i guess, in my opinion, culinary vs. pastry is almost like science vs art, though they both intricately involve each other.
i think the two practices serve somewhat different functions.
maybe it's evident of my nature, but i am also interested in the science of mainsustenancetypefood because of my inclination to nurture people. pastry is kindof a bonus and beautiful in another way.
i dunno. it's just my choice, i guess. and i never really had any struggle with whether or not that's what i wanted to focus on - of those two particular choices anyway
p.s. i think it's unanimous amongst the girls whose company i enjoyed this evening, we'd like to call you by your first name.
that's what we'll do.
[Edited on Apr 03, 2004 12:45AM]