Saturday Jan 03, 2004

0
I'm craving music.

I have it.

It's not satisfying me.



I'm really messed up tonight.
Last night and this morning I had the worlds worst bladder infection. burning bloody urine. all the fucking time.
And my throat was swollen and sore, and my headache was pounding.
My conscience is eating me alive. What I'm doing is not right. Playing with people is not right.

I don't want love.
I don't want commitment.
I don't want a relationships because relationships consume and destroy.
[oh, and now i'm crying.. isn't this fucking wonderful]
Relationships consume all your time and destroy who you are inside.
I like who I am when I'm by myself and free. I haven't been free in 3 years.
And now Richard.. and I don't even think I can trust him? His words. His farfetched words. My intuition is saying "Liar. Liar. Liar. Pathalogical liar. Telling you want he thinks you want to hear."

I'm not that girl anymore. I'm not anyone's girl. NO ONE. I'm Teresa. I belong to ME. No one knows me but ME.
My head hurts.. I can't stop almost crying..
My wall is in place for two thousand and four.
I don't fucking care, it's all about me.


Teresa
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
swen:
Wow. So much bitterness in such a young girl. I don't say that you're not right. I do feel bitter about lots of things these days, too. I'm close to shut myself off from people again, too. But deep inside I know that this is not a solution. I've been there, done that. It's been the worst time of my life.

So I try to stay connected with people I like. There are many decent guys and girls out there to spend time with. But it's not an easy venture. You get hurt all the time. Sometimes it seems that nobody really cares about you. And in fact, most people just don't care enough to be of any help.

But nonetheless, as long as you're a human being, you cannot exist without company. As hopeless as it may be, I'll keep on searching for someone who cares enough.

Please don't despair. Don't give up on humanity. Consequences would be unbearably dire.

much love,
swen kiss love kiss
petong:
why not try a short break away from the people you know, a holiday to a beach, beaches are fun. you at least had a good thing with them for a while, i have never had any good things with anyone, EVER. i am a lonely scared person, and once again, women confuse me, i don't understand them.

be happy, and get well soon
ARRR!!!

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