Sunday Jul 13, 2003

0
What's the fucking point? I work every fucking day, busting my ass.. coming home to sleep and get up the next day for work.. I come home ranking and my hair is disgusting from being up under a hairnet for hours on end. I get a night off, i get all pretty, i iron clothes, do my makeup.. and we go to someones boring house where i watch my girlfriend watch someone elses stupid, low quality enhanced DreamTheatre cd for 45 minutes while i sit in a chair in the back of the room pissed off because i'm bored.

I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend, but instead we did that. She ahs to go to bed early tonight so she can get up tomorrow at 6:30 to go to work and thats fine, but then why the hell did she waste what little time we had together.

What the fuck is the point. What the fuck am i living for? I don't even like my life. Nothing EVER happens, i have like NO friends, i work EVERYDAY and save all my money so i can attend the cheapest cosmetology college around with the hopes of NOT being unhappy with my life someday.

I dont think that day is ever going to come.

I wish i could vomit. I'm so sick of my life.
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tadzi:
christ....i so know how you feel, really i do. with the exception of not having a girlfriend, and working at lowes instead of something involving a hairnet, and workign towards going to school for massage not cosmetology, that sounds like somethign id say. i can empathise. at this point the only reason i havent killed myself is the desire not to hurt the few people who would give a shit. but if im standing in the road and see an 18 wheeler heading towards me i think id stand still
swen:
Ive been there, too. Hating my life, hating me for my inability to be happy I tried for some time to cherish the small things, which helped a little. But eventually I came to the conclusion that as I cant change the world in something bearable I had to change myself. The last couple of months I opened myself to the world step by step. I became more confident as I made new friends and I dont give a damn about those I leave behind. Not everybody can accept the new (and improved) me. So what? Hasta la vista, baby!

I hope youll need less time than I did to find out where happiness is hidden for you.

swen

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