...continued...
When it became relatively clear, even to the primate intelligence of the hired thugs, that I was a law-abiding citizen (if only they knew) and not one of those fit only for stratagems and spoils, they set me once again on my feet. I brushed down my suit and told them that they would be receiving a dry-cleaning bill from my solicitor. (I havent a solicitor; I havent a doctor, a dentist or a car.) They asked why on earth they would do my solicitors dry-cleaning and I sighed with as much dignity as I could and was about to sweep majestically out of the room when my hostess asked me to stay awhile. I smelled a rat, but then I saw it scurry out the door, so I stayed.
I told her that I had a bit of an evening planned, at least a bit of dancing and perhaps some post-jitterbug amusements to be had. However, I said, if she could offer me an evening of equal pleasure then I was hers for the asking. She smiled demurely and offered me coffee. I thanked her for her kindness but requested water instead. We sat on the divan, in the corner of the dive and I took a moment to look around. I couldnt help noticing that the place, while just as run down and awful as I had at first supposed, was also far more ancient and battered about than I had realized. There was a bar, against the back wall, several tables and chairs dotted across the room. In the back was some sort of hidden room and a stock room. The dirt had been setting around long enough to start dirt civilizations and the dust bunnies had multiplied in a way that did their name proud. Rats and cats and elephants had seemed to have been through the establishment in its time and from the ancient look of the place it could have been Noahs first regular stop, post-flood.
I crossed my legs seductively and gave her my most winning smile, but her face had hardened and now that she saw that she had my attention she began:
Now, sir, you will hear a tale that will cause your blood to boil with righteous anger and if, at the end of it you do not want to do all that you can to help me from my predicament, then you are but half a man.
I almost giggled at that, but let it pass. I nodded my head with a sincere look upon my face as if to say, Do please continue, you lovely thing, you. She did:
As my appearance and my hired hands may have indicated to you, I am extremely wealthy. My father is a man of some importance in the United States government and has, for some time, been in a position of international importance. Were I to say his name you would almost certainly know It.
I began to assure her that I wouldnt know It, as I never pay attention to anything that isnt based in my own happiness or the acquisition of narcotics, which frequently comes to the same thing. She seemed to be insistent on a one-sided conversation though, so I stopped trying to get a word in edge-wise and kept nodding as intelligently as I could.
I have, she continued, lately had a lifestyle of extreme opulence and debauchery.
Hear, hear! I opined.
Ignoring this, she spoke on, My father has, of course, not approved. And, beyond that, I have brought him no little bad publicity in the press as a result of my actions. He is conservative in social areas and I am not. I see no reason to act as if I am, merely to serve his political goals. Nevertheless he has been hurt by my actions and, as such, relations between us have been somewhat strained.
Her father sounded like one of those strong striding men with large brows, wrinkled from too much thought and with eyes as piercing as, well, as diamonds I suppose, or very sharp pins at any rate. My neck was, by now, rather tired of nodding and so I merely adopted a concerned look and employed it to what I hoped was my benefit. In the back of my mind I was calculating whether or not I thought her debauchery included her among a list of affluent young clientele that I have always wanted to have. I sell mostly to a more penurious crowd. Not that I dont enjoy my customers. I do most heartily; however, I have always wanted to have a group of customers who want something more than the run of the mill, J.C. Penneys brand drugs. I wanted to be the Versace of the drug world, with a less messy ending. I was on the verge of asking if a.) She wanted to buy any narcotics from a strapping, handsome young man like myself or if b.) Her story was going to be hotting up any time soon. Before I could, however, she continued:
Recently, well, just yesterday in fact, my father disappeared. He was either kidnapped or killed. Frankly it matters very little to me. As Ive said he and I didnt get along at all. The more important issue is that I have recently heard that his will has been changed. I have been cut out of all inheritance due me. Well, of course this is quite offensive. I can hardly stand by and be cut out of an inheritance of such magnitude. He was, as well as important, extremely wealthy. His will must be found and before such a time as a lawyer sees it. The changes were made by my father in the company of an old and trusted family retainer, who happens to be in love with me, and who has given me all the details of the changes. He has, furthermore, agreed to forget that he ever witnessed a document that never turns up. Someone must find this will and destroy it. I would send one of my boys except that they are known to be frequently in my company and as such suspicion of their motives would spring up immediately upon their snooping around my fathers house.
I agreed that this was a rotten situation to be in, and was just about to offer to sell her a bit of pharmaceutical peace of mind, when it struck me that she seemed to be suggesting something. Something which I was as reticent to do as Balaams ass had been to cross swords with an angel of death. I was about to express my reticence, when she weighed in with the big news of the evening:
You are, of course, some sort of disreputable character. My boys have lifted the narcotics from off of your person and have informed me that they are of street quality. They have, further, tested your blood and have informed me that you are rather less than sober. I can appreciate the shock that this may be, but, quite frankly, I dont have time for you to make small talk about it. I would like you to take care of this little matter for me. In return I will set you up with a higher grade of narcotic and, if you are so interested, a higher grade of clientele. You seem to have some sort of fashion sense and even some sort of knowledge. When you were about to be thrown out I caught at least three references to Milton.
I sat astounded; this lovely lady had just offered me the desires of my heart. Admittedly at a price, but still, what is the destruction of a legally binding document in comparison to the rewards of a thriving business among the jet-setting Euro-trash crowd that this lovely creature seemed to enjoy? And how did she know that I was in any way a purveyor of the narcotics? How could she have surmised my desire for a higher class of clientele? Perhaps ambition really is in the blood. Certainly, she was a diabolical fiend, but if one cant be as trusting as Faust how is one to meet Mephistopheles? Still, she had a few things I wanted back; she also hadnt begun to explain the situation or my position in it to me. And the crack about it not moving me making me half a man seemed more weighted now that I knew that her gorillas could draw blood at a moments notice. She had further, one had to admit, gone so far as to compliment my vast store of knowledge and intelligence. She had yet to mention what a strapping, handsome and above all winsome young lad I was, but I was sure that it would be round shortly.
I laughed as carefully as I could, though I must admit to being conscious of the fact that it SEEMED to come out like a giggle. I was enjoying this evening more and more all the time. I was still hopped up to the gills and this woman of lovely aspect had just told me what a peach of a fellow I was, as well as offering fulfill my hearts desires and all for some miniscule bit of service.
Question: Who could possibly refuse?
Answer: Me.
Why should I help you? I asked, It seems relatively risky and so far I have no evidence that youll do me all the good you claim. You, my dear girl, might well be what we call in the movie industry, a teaser.
She seemed undaunted by the prospect of my doubting her sincerity she merely lounged back onto her side of the couch and squarely eyed me. She seemed to be summing me up, what sort of strong, virile, handsome man is this, her eyes seemed to be asking. Then, as if she had come to a decision, she dropped the bombshell. You have also been infected by a rather nasty virus. My boys were careful to put back a bit of your blood after they were done with it and they rather clumsily dropped a few things in too, to keep you in line. They seemed to think it best.
Now that she mentioned it I had been feeling ill since I had been juggled by her Neanderthals. I had put it down to a natural predilection towards not being roughed up, but now that I realized that it was apparently much more, I felt it even more strongly. Perhaps I would die soon! Not even thoughts of my perfectly interned corpse were enough to enliven me. I was suddenly, despite narcotic fun, dredged in despair.
But, I considered what of it. Death comes to us all. Surely there is more to life than the fear of inevitable corporeal destruction. Cannon to the right of me volleyed and thundered. But it was only the gorilla offering me my hat. Ahh, I said, not, then an option for me to turn and run? No tail between the legs action for me. I suppose that a bit of B&E couldnt be that bad. Whereabouts am I heading? For is it not said, Come you spirits and fill me from the crown to toe, top-full of direst cruelty, make thick my blood.?
...To Be Continued...
When it became relatively clear, even to the primate intelligence of the hired thugs, that I was a law-abiding citizen (if only they knew) and not one of those fit only for stratagems and spoils, they set me once again on my feet. I brushed down my suit and told them that they would be receiving a dry-cleaning bill from my solicitor. (I havent a solicitor; I havent a doctor, a dentist or a car.) They asked why on earth they would do my solicitors dry-cleaning and I sighed with as much dignity as I could and was about to sweep majestically out of the room when my hostess asked me to stay awhile. I smelled a rat, but then I saw it scurry out the door, so I stayed.
I told her that I had a bit of an evening planned, at least a bit of dancing and perhaps some post-jitterbug amusements to be had. However, I said, if she could offer me an evening of equal pleasure then I was hers for the asking. She smiled demurely and offered me coffee. I thanked her for her kindness but requested water instead. We sat on the divan, in the corner of the dive and I took a moment to look around. I couldnt help noticing that the place, while just as run down and awful as I had at first supposed, was also far more ancient and battered about than I had realized. There was a bar, against the back wall, several tables and chairs dotted across the room. In the back was some sort of hidden room and a stock room. The dirt had been setting around long enough to start dirt civilizations and the dust bunnies had multiplied in a way that did their name proud. Rats and cats and elephants had seemed to have been through the establishment in its time and from the ancient look of the place it could have been Noahs first regular stop, post-flood.
I crossed my legs seductively and gave her my most winning smile, but her face had hardened and now that she saw that she had my attention she began:
Now, sir, you will hear a tale that will cause your blood to boil with righteous anger and if, at the end of it you do not want to do all that you can to help me from my predicament, then you are but half a man.
I almost giggled at that, but let it pass. I nodded my head with a sincere look upon my face as if to say, Do please continue, you lovely thing, you. She did:
As my appearance and my hired hands may have indicated to you, I am extremely wealthy. My father is a man of some importance in the United States government and has, for some time, been in a position of international importance. Were I to say his name you would almost certainly know It.
I began to assure her that I wouldnt know It, as I never pay attention to anything that isnt based in my own happiness or the acquisition of narcotics, which frequently comes to the same thing. She seemed to be insistent on a one-sided conversation though, so I stopped trying to get a word in edge-wise and kept nodding as intelligently as I could.
I have, she continued, lately had a lifestyle of extreme opulence and debauchery.
Hear, hear! I opined.
Ignoring this, she spoke on, My father has, of course, not approved. And, beyond that, I have brought him no little bad publicity in the press as a result of my actions. He is conservative in social areas and I am not. I see no reason to act as if I am, merely to serve his political goals. Nevertheless he has been hurt by my actions and, as such, relations between us have been somewhat strained.
Her father sounded like one of those strong striding men with large brows, wrinkled from too much thought and with eyes as piercing as, well, as diamonds I suppose, or very sharp pins at any rate. My neck was, by now, rather tired of nodding and so I merely adopted a concerned look and employed it to what I hoped was my benefit. In the back of my mind I was calculating whether or not I thought her debauchery included her among a list of affluent young clientele that I have always wanted to have. I sell mostly to a more penurious crowd. Not that I dont enjoy my customers. I do most heartily; however, I have always wanted to have a group of customers who want something more than the run of the mill, J.C. Penneys brand drugs. I wanted to be the Versace of the drug world, with a less messy ending. I was on the verge of asking if a.) She wanted to buy any narcotics from a strapping, handsome young man like myself or if b.) Her story was going to be hotting up any time soon. Before I could, however, she continued:
Recently, well, just yesterday in fact, my father disappeared. He was either kidnapped or killed. Frankly it matters very little to me. As Ive said he and I didnt get along at all. The more important issue is that I have recently heard that his will has been changed. I have been cut out of all inheritance due me. Well, of course this is quite offensive. I can hardly stand by and be cut out of an inheritance of such magnitude. He was, as well as important, extremely wealthy. His will must be found and before such a time as a lawyer sees it. The changes were made by my father in the company of an old and trusted family retainer, who happens to be in love with me, and who has given me all the details of the changes. He has, furthermore, agreed to forget that he ever witnessed a document that never turns up. Someone must find this will and destroy it. I would send one of my boys except that they are known to be frequently in my company and as such suspicion of their motives would spring up immediately upon their snooping around my fathers house.
I agreed that this was a rotten situation to be in, and was just about to offer to sell her a bit of pharmaceutical peace of mind, when it struck me that she seemed to be suggesting something. Something which I was as reticent to do as Balaams ass had been to cross swords with an angel of death. I was about to express my reticence, when she weighed in with the big news of the evening:
You are, of course, some sort of disreputable character. My boys have lifted the narcotics from off of your person and have informed me that they are of street quality. They have, further, tested your blood and have informed me that you are rather less than sober. I can appreciate the shock that this may be, but, quite frankly, I dont have time for you to make small talk about it. I would like you to take care of this little matter for me. In return I will set you up with a higher grade of narcotic and, if you are so interested, a higher grade of clientele. You seem to have some sort of fashion sense and even some sort of knowledge. When you were about to be thrown out I caught at least three references to Milton.
I sat astounded; this lovely lady had just offered me the desires of my heart. Admittedly at a price, but still, what is the destruction of a legally binding document in comparison to the rewards of a thriving business among the jet-setting Euro-trash crowd that this lovely creature seemed to enjoy? And how did she know that I was in any way a purveyor of the narcotics? How could she have surmised my desire for a higher class of clientele? Perhaps ambition really is in the blood. Certainly, she was a diabolical fiend, but if one cant be as trusting as Faust how is one to meet Mephistopheles? Still, she had a few things I wanted back; she also hadnt begun to explain the situation or my position in it to me. And the crack about it not moving me making me half a man seemed more weighted now that I knew that her gorillas could draw blood at a moments notice. She had further, one had to admit, gone so far as to compliment my vast store of knowledge and intelligence. She had yet to mention what a strapping, handsome and above all winsome young lad I was, but I was sure that it would be round shortly.
I laughed as carefully as I could, though I must admit to being conscious of the fact that it SEEMED to come out like a giggle. I was enjoying this evening more and more all the time. I was still hopped up to the gills and this woman of lovely aspect had just told me what a peach of a fellow I was, as well as offering fulfill my hearts desires and all for some miniscule bit of service.
Question: Who could possibly refuse?
Answer: Me.
Why should I help you? I asked, It seems relatively risky and so far I have no evidence that youll do me all the good you claim. You, my dear girl, might well be what we call in the movie industry, a teaser.
She seemed undaunted by the prospect of my doubting her sincerity she merely lounged back onto her side of the couch and squarely eyed me. She seemed to be summing me up, what sort of strong, virile, handsome man is this, her eyes seemed to be asking. Then, as if she had come to a decision, she dropped the bombshell. You have also been infected by a rather nasty virus. My boys were careful to put back a bit of your blood after they were done with it and they rather clumsily dropped a few things in too, to keep you in line. They seemed to think it best.
Now that she mentioned it I had been feeling ill since I had been juggled by her Neanderthals. I had put it down to a natural predilection towards not being roughed up, but now that I realized that it was apparently much more, I felt it even more strongly. Perhaps I would die soon! Not even thoughts of my perfectly interned corpse were enough to enliven me. I was suddenly, despite narcotic fun, dredged in despair.
But, I considered what of it. Death comes to us all. Surely there is more to life than the fear of inevitable corporeal destruction. Cannon to the right of me volleyed and thundered. But it was only the gorilla offering me my hat. Ahh, I said, not, then an option for me to turn and run? No tail between the legs action for me. I suppose that a bit of B&E couldnt be that bad. Whereabouts am I heading? For is it not said, Come you spirits and fill me from the crown to toe, top-full of direst cruelty, make thick my blood.?
...To Be Continued...
this is fun.
(of course i read it all)
[Edited on Sep 19, 2003]