Friday Jul 16, 2010

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Good Lord!

This has been my very first completely sober day since last Friday. My friend's John and Bobby were home on leave. John left Thursday...Bobby left today. It has been a week of non stop partying till 3am. Then up at 430, for work and other miscellaneous errands. Then we'd rinse and repeat.

My body hates me, needless to say. But, I had fun...and I'm about to do it, again. My friend Jeremy is on his way home from Afghani-land.

Is it possible to me in love with two people? I think I may just be. I love my boyfriend. We've been together, off and on, for 2 years, now. However...one of the times he and I were "off" I fell in love with John.

Warning: This next part's kinda long.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

He and I have known each other for as long as Ben and I have. Actually, they're from the same group of friends.

When Ben and I broke up, last October, I leaned on John, for support...we wound up dating, for a bit, while he was home in December...but he's a tanker in the army....and is living in Germany.

Being monogamous in a long distance relationship, is not difficult for me. It was the whole...he's in a super dangerous profession...that got to me.

Anyhoo, we broke up, I got back together with Ben, and for the most part, I'd forgotten about John.

And then he came back home. I'll tell you....I was never unfaithful to Ben, but all the feelings I had for John, just came right back like a flash flood. It was so hard. frown

We had an hour long conversation the day before he left....He cried, I cried....it was actually pretty pathetic, looking back at it. He loves me so much. I saw that on Wednesday night. I realized that I still love him too...but our lives are going in two opposite directions....there really is no future between us. I think that makes the saddest.



Well, I really wanted to get that last part off my chest. I could not tell Ben that I still have feelings for John, that would kill him. Anyhoo...thanks, for listening. smile

VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
drummonkey50:
Thanks!

Yeah, it hurt. It hurt more when he put the ring in. But today is much better, other than bumping the ring a little to the side. But I can't complain too much since I did want to get it done. lol
verababy:
It's a biography of her life. I'm huge into biographies, basically the only books I can ever finish

and thank you darling

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