another semester done, thank god. and by the skin of my motherfucking teeth, no less. i've got to stop procrastinating- it's not funny anymore. i've never been so stressed, mainly because i usually go "well, fuck it..." and just let it go, but this is my last "restart" of college. i am fucking graduating in the fall and that's fucking final.
moving home in july, which is kind of depressing. i really really want to have my own place, but i want to OWN it. therefore, i have to move back home, pay off some bills and save, save SAVE like a madwoman. the roommate situation has gotten old with the dog shuffling (the boys will fight if they're together so we've had to keep them completely separate for the better part of the year), and the constant wondering where my shit is only to find that one of my roommates has adopted it (it's petty, i know, but would it fucking kill you to buy your own god damned fucking flat iron?!?!?! my newfangled face creams aren't there for your sampling pleasure either- BUY YOUR OWN). i'll miss them and keep in touch, of course (one i've known since 1st grade, one since high school). like i said, it's gotten a bit old, but i'll miss the late night impromptu wig and dance parties. also, it's nice to always have someone to go grocery shopping with on a whim. i have a specific goal in mind, and that goal requires me to save money that i can't while paying legit bills (i'll be paying my mom rent, but no utilities, etc...), but i still feel like a bit of a failure. like i'm going back with my tail between my legs. i'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard. i really like living on my own and am not looking forward to having my whereabouts questioned...
...the boy has slipped back into his old ways and i haven't seen him since the last time i wrote. two fucking months. he'll respond to me when i text him, but whenever i imply that i want to have sex or hang out, he goes silent. which probably means he has a girlfriend or someone that he's seeing and doesn't want me to know. i'm disappointed, but i think mainly because... i don't even know. when i think about things, i'm glad we're not together, but when i think of not having him around, i feel like i'm choking up and it makes me upset to think that this is over... again. i'm just lonely i guess, and having him around the way i did alleviated that, as frustrating as it was. i really want to tell him that i don't love him anymore and that i don't ever want o be with or sleep with him again, but just typing that made my heart hurt. i don't know when i'll be seeing him again, or when i'm going to cave and try "just one more time" and text him (i try not to, but i feel like he'll forget me if i don't), but whatever, i'll be moving across town soon and that'll make things more difficult than it's worth, so that'll be it. i hope. i think. i don't know...
today was just kind of a bummer for me, i have ups and downs no matter how "good" things are going for me. hopefully it passes and i feel better soon. i'm off to cook some dinner and work out...
moving home in july, which is kind of depressing. i really really want to have my own place, but i want to OWN it. therefore, i have to move back home, pay off some bills and save, save SAVE like a madwoman. the roommate situation has gotten old with the dog shuffling (the boys will fight if they're together so we've had to keep them completely separate for the better part of the year), and the constant wondering where my shit is only to find that one of my roommates has adopted it (it's petty, i know, but would it fucking kill you to buy your own god damned fucking flat iron?!?!?! my newfangled face creams aren't there for your sampling pleasure either- BUY YOUR OWN). i'll miss them and keep in touch, of course (one i've known since 1st grade, one since high school). like i said, it's gotten a bit old, but i'll miss the late night impromptu wig and dance parties. also, it's nice to always have someone to go grocery shopping with on a whim. i have a specific goal in mind, and that goal requires me to save money that i can't while paying legit bills (i'll be paying my mom rent, but no utilities, etc...), but i still feel like a bit of a failure. like i'm going back with my tail between my legs. i'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard. i really like living on my own and am not looking forward to having my whereabouts questioned...
...the boy has slipped back into his old ways and i haven't seen him since the last time i wrote. two fucking months. he'll respond to me when i text him, but whenever i imply that i want to have sex or hang out, he goes silent. which probably means he has a girlfriend or someone that he's seeing and doesn't want me to know. i'm disappointed, but i think mainly because... i don't even know. when i think about things, i'm glad we're not together, but when i think of not having him around, i feel like i'm choking up and it makes me upset to think that this is over... again. i'm just lonely i guess, and having him around the way i did alleviated that, as frustrating as it was. i really want to tell him that i don't love him anymore and that i don't ever want o be with or sleep with him again, but just typing that made my heart hurt. i don't know when i'll be seeing him again, or when i'm going to cave and try "just one more time" and text him (i try not to, but i feel like he'll forget me if i don't), but whatever, i'll be moving across town soon and that'll make things more difficult than it's worth, so that'll be it. i hope. i think. i don't know...
today was just kind of a bummer for me, i have ups and downs no matter how "good" things are going for me. hopefully it passes and i feel better soon. i'm off to cook some dinner and work out...
maineville:
Hope things look up just gotta handle business and hope for the best i know what you mean about procrastination but its when we are at our low points where we kick our own asses and do what we need to do.
eliona:
hope you feel better soon babe