So Just Incase anyone hasnt seen dragon wars yet, which I pray none of you had, I decided to do a little Public Service Anouncement, in Comedic Form. This list is collected from several people who saw the movie, and I agree with all these things.
Things I learned From Watching Dragon Wars...
1.When you're a news reporter who has his own cameraman, it's always a great idea to have your own digital camcorder, not to mention it shows just how respectful you are to your cameraman.
2.Faking a heart attack by way of an overdone expression of indigestion is the absolute best way to create a diversion.
3.A ten year old boy has no problem whatsoever in comprehending the long epic Imoogi legend, which takes his wise old friend close to twenty minutes to explain.
4.If you happen to see an evil warlord walk right through a gate, you should always try it for yourself.
5.Bars in LA, or wherever the city was, don't have a problem with 19 year old girls drinking beer.
6.If you ever find yourself about to be beat up by three guys outside a bar, there's always a chance a man might sneak up behind them, knock them out, then walk away without saying a word to you.
7.If a dragon has landed in your backyard and you get frightened, and you then run in the other direction where a not-so-scary human warlord stops you, always turn around and run straight into the dragon's mouth.
8.Always take the elevator instead of the stairs when a giant dragon is causing a hospital to crumble.
9.If you aim a gun at a warlord with a shield, point your gun right at the shield, fire slow and carefully, so that all your rounds can successfully be deflected.
10.If your best friend/cameraman has just been zapped on the forehead by a warlord, who is then hit by a car, make sure you leave him unconscious lying next to the unconscious warlord. If his name his brought up minutes later, just respond, "I'm sure he's fine."
11.If you've been zapped on the forehead, the best way to heal it is a small band aid on the right side of your head.
12.Apparently news reporters aren't harmed a bit after they've been shot.
13. Its always nice to know that whenever a centuries old legend from some other country might show up in the U.S., that the FBI has an 'sophisticated paranormal unit' that keeps up on all these things and well prepared in case it appears one day. Fox Mulder would be proud [[yes]] .
14. That the beaches in L.A. are the most romantic in the world because just a few hours after meeting someone, you instantly fall in love with that person and kiss for no reason at all.
15. Apparently having a HUGE birthmark that looks like the tatoo of a dragon for some reason is something you never think to get rid of.
16. The ability to shape shift into different people is sooo cool, you constantly do it over and over again for no apparent reason.
17. Computers apparently have the ability to track down a girl in L.A. named 'Sarah'....oh, with a dragon tattoo to narrow the search. Whew!
18. The F.B.I are always on the move to kick ass the second they leave their office drawing the guns while still in the building.
19. Journalist are apparently immune to any contagious diseases as they are allowed into quarantine area's to question witnesses.
2o. The U.S. media has gotten REALLY lazy as there is no other journalist, camera's, networks or anything to capture a picture of a 300 foot dragon terroizing L.A.--anywhere. In fact, it seems to have the ability to completely disappear altogether after it loses chase of the heroes.
21. The media in the US are treated with utmost respect. They're allowed to simply walk right past police lines to uncover a dead body that is being carted out. Showing a press pass will also get hospital personnel to tell you everything about a patient you've never met. Heck, members of the press can even walk right into a police station and interfere with a witness interrogation.
22. Women who die heroically get to wear cool robes in the afterlife.
23. Castles still exist out in the middle of nameless deserts.
24. Reporters have the ability to get home from said castles even though they've been shot, have no change of clothes, no food, no water, no phone, no car, no money, no map, and absolutely no idea where they are at.
25. People in L.A. are so involved in their own lives that they don't notice 1000-foot snake wrapped around hospitals.
26. Dragon scales are a harder substance than diamond, but still not hard enough to deflect bullets fired by the US military.
27. Journalists and 19-year-old women and both so strong that they can jump out of helicopters, fall several dozen feet and not be injured in any way whatsoever.
28. LA police all shoot at chest level, so just hold your little shield in the same place as you march toward them.
29. An FBI agent having a sudden epiphany of good and evil and making a plot turning decision to murder his fellow officer and long time partner deserves some amount of our caring even if he has absolutely no backstory.... or more than two lines.
30. The best way into your girlfriend's pants is by playing with her aloof and hospitalized roomate's lingere.
31. Is is a common misconception that there are only knowledgeable and connected black gentlemen who can get anything you need in prison. These are also very common in the media profession.
32. Tapeworms have no regard for the culture of a city in their indiscriminate rampaging quest for Dragonhood, AKA legs.
33. Even if you are a mighty tapeworm complete with an evil army, and the amazing ability to track your prey to its exact location, sealing the deal is STILL REALLY HARD!
34. When the purpose of an entire army is a single girl hidden in one village, the best approach is to destroy said village around her and pick her out of the rubble.
35. Don't believe in any religion, believe in Oogami cause apparently if he eats your loved one you get a vague promise of being together 4eva.
36. If faced with a difficult decision, don't face logic, just die.
36. If you know someone over 500 years old, always call them "old friend" if they happen to turn to sand when you turn around , even if you only talked to that person once when you were five.
37. If a loved one is about to be eaten by a big snake, yell there name realllllly loud with a small indication of confusion... just in case your necklace, which youve had throughout this endevour, creates a supernova. A supernova so powerful it kills EVERYONE but the Dragon and The Evil Warlord.
38. If your a giant snake on the verge of completing your entire lifes goal, don't finish quickly, watch intently so that your quarry has the oppertunity to escape you once again.
39. Evil dragons have ADD and really bad timing.
I finally feel a sence of educational completion, because before this movie, I did not know these things.
Now there has been alot of scrutiny about people who have not liked this movie. One being All Americans are naive and have no regard to other culture. Another being we have no appreciation that this is the first movie that has box officed out of Korea and that for some reason is the biggest reason to ENJOY this movie, and should be supported Hands down. believe me, people on IMDB are actually saying these things. Regardless to all this, i went into this movie totally wanting to enjoy it, being ok about learning somthing from another culture, and having no bias at all. But the acting, writing, plot, and deliverance of everything in this movie was so bad, i had wished I was watching Snakes on a Plane.....yes......Im serious.
But, if you have to see this movie, keep all of the knew things I learned in mind, and bring friends so you can do Mystery Science Theater 300 commentary on it.......turst me....it will be the only enjoyment you get out of this terrible flick.
I do however have on thing I can be proud of. It used to be that saying something made absolutely no sence what so ever was long and arduous, and usually didn't convey your point well enough. but since i've coined the term D-War, i can now convey just how ridiculous somthing is. Here is my new term used in a sentence.
" Man, that was D-War!"
or
" God, that was so D-War, I think I almost laughed and cried at the same time!"
Hope it catches on
Good luck kiddos!
Shiro
Things I learned From Watching Dragon Wars...
1.When you're a news reporter who has his own cameraman, it's always a great idea to have your own digital camcorder, not to mention it shows just how respectful you are to your cameraman.
2.Faking a heart attack by way of an overdone expression of indigestion is the absolute best way to create a diversion.
3.A ten year old boy has no problem whatsoever in comprehending the long epic Imoogi legend, which takes his wise old friend close to twenty minutes to explain.
4.If you happen to see an evil warlord walk right through a gate, you should always try it for yourself.
5.Bars in LA, or wherever the city was, don't have a problem with 19 year old girls drinking beer.
6.If you ever find yourself about to be beat up by three guys outside a bar, there's always a chance a man might sneak up behind them, knock them out, then walk away without saying a word to you.
7.If a dragon has landed in your backyard and you get frightened, and you then run in the other direction where a not-so-scary human warlord stops you, always turn around and run straight into the dragon's mouth.
8.Always take the elevator instead of the stairs when a giant dragon is causing a hospital to crumble.
9.If you aim a gun at a warlord with a shield, point your gun right at the shield, fire slow and carefully, so that all your rounds can successfully be deflected.
10.If your best friend/cameraman has just been zapped on the forehead by a warlord, who is then hit by a car, make sure you leave him unconscious lying next to the unconscious warlord. If his name his brought up minutes later, just respond, "I'm sure he's fine."
11.If you've been zapped on the forehead, the best way to heal it is a small band aid on the right side of your head.
12.Apparently news reporters aren't harmed a bit after they've been shot.
13. Its always nice to know that whenever a centuries old legend from some other country might show up in the U.S., that the FBI has an 'sophisticated paranormal unit' that keeps up on all these things and well prepared in case it appears one day. Fox Mulder would be proud [[yes]] .
14. That the beaches in L.A. are the most romantic in the world because just a few hours after meeting someone, you instantly fall in love with that person and kiss for no reason at all.
15. Apparently having a HUGE birthmark that looks like the tatoo of a dragon for some reason is something you never think to get rid of.
16. The ability to shape shift into different people is sooo cool, you constantly do it over and over again for no apparent reason.
17. Computers apparently have the ability to track down a girl in L.A. named 'Sarah'....oh, with a dragon tattoo to narrow the search. Whew!
18. The F.B.I are always on the move to kick ass the second they leave their office drawing the guns while still in the building.
19. Journalist are apparently immune to any contagious diseases as they are allowed into quarantine area's to question witnesses.
2o. The U.S. media has gotten REALLY lazy as there is no other journalist, camera's, networks or anything to capture a picture of a 300 foot dragon terroizing L.A.--anywhere. In fact, it seems to have the ability to completely disappear altogether after it loses chase of the heroes.
21. The media in the US are treated with utmost respect. They're allowed to simply walk right past police lines to uncover a dead body that is being carted out. Showing a press pass will also get hospital personnel to tell you everything about a patient you've never met. Heck, members of the press can even walk right into a police station and interfere with a witness interrogation.
22. Women who die heroically get to wear cool robes in the afterlife.
23. Castles still exist out in the middle of nameless deserts.
24. Reporters have the ability to get home from said castles even though they've been shot, have no change of clothes, no food, no water, no phone, no car, no money, no map, and absolutely no idea where they are at.
25. People in L.A. are so involved in their own lives that they don't notice 1000-foot snake wrapped around hospitals.
26. Dragon scales are a harder substance than diamond, but still not hard enough to deflect bullets fired by the US military.
27. Journalists and 19-year-old women and both so strong that they can jump out of helicopters, fall several dozen feet and not be injured in any way whatsoever.
28. LA police all shoot at chest level, so just hold your little shield in the same place as you march toward them.
29. An FBI agent having a sudden epiphany of good and evil and making a plot turning decision to murder his fellow officer and long time partner deserves some amount of our caring even if he has absolutely no backstory.... or more than two lines.
30. The best way into your girlfriend's pants is by playing with her aloof and hospitalized roomate's lingere.
31. Is is a common misconception that there are only knowledgeable and connected black gentlemen who can get anything you need in prison. These are also very common in the media profession.
32. Tapeworms have no regard for the culture of a city in their indiscriminate rampaging quest for Dragonhood, AKA legs.
33. Even if you are a mighty tapeworm complete with an evil army, and the amazing ability to track your prey to its exact location, sealing the deal is STILL REALLY HARD!
34. When the purpose of an entire army is a single girl hidden in one village, the best approach is to destroy said village around her and pick her out of the rubble.
35. Don't believe in any religion, believe in Oogami cause apparently if he eats your loved one you get a vague promise of being together 4eva.
36. If faced with a difficult decision, don't face logic, just die.
36. If you know someone over 500 years old, always call them "old friend" if they happen to turn to sand when you turn around , even if you only talked to that person once when you were five.
37. If a loved one is about to be eaten by a big snake, yell there name realllllly loud with a small indication of confusion... just in case your necklace, which youve had throughout this endevour, creates a supernova. A supernova so powerful it kills EVERYONE but the Dragon and The Evil Warlord.
38. If your a giant snake on the verge of completing your entire lifes goal, don't finish quickly, watch intently so that your quarry has the oppertunity to escape you once again.
39. Evil dragons have ADD and really bad timing.
I finally feel a sence of educational completion, because before this movie, I did not know these things.
Now there has been alot of scrutiny about people who have not liked this movie. One being All Americans are naive and have no regard to other culture. Another being we have no appreciation that this is the first movie that has box officed out of Korea and that for some reason is the biggest reason to ENJOY this movie, and should be supported Hands down. believe me, people on IMDB are actually saying these things. Regardless to all this, i went into this movie totally wanting to enjoy it, being ok about learning somthing from another culture, and having no bias at all. But the acting, writing, plot, and deliverance of everything in this movie was so bad, i had wished I was watching Snakes on a Plane.....yes......Im serious.
But, if you have to see this movie, keep all of the knew things I learned in mind, and bring friends so you can do Mystery Science Theater 300 commentary on it.......turst me....it will be the only enjoyment you get out of this terrible flick.
I do however have on thing I can be proud of. It used to be that saying something made absolutely no sence what so ever was long and arduous, and usually didn't convey your point well enough. but since i've coined the term D-War, i can now convey just how ridiculous somthing is. Here is my new term used in a sentence.
" Man, that was D-War!"
or
" God, that was so D-War, I think I almost laughed and cried at the same time!"
Hope it catches on
Good luck kiddos!
Shiro