tatian

i'm starting to black out again. My heart is palpitating and I feel out of breath.

sometimes i wonder if my heart is finally on it's last leg and is dying to hold on for a few more beats.



i feel like i've been thru the ringer.

Yesterday was terrible. I got into a huge thing with my ex.

it's amazing how ppl can make you feel just with the words they say.

cold, harsh and hard... he told me I was a terrible person, to make a three hour text war short and "sweet", even tho he was no kind of sweet to me...

I am sorry things to did not work out.



why is it ALL my fault?

obviously, six years of "whatever" wasn't enough to make things work...

Now I am hated for trying to live my life and move on.

And ironically, the whole "sex" conversation came up; "Did you fuck anyone?"

::cough::

What does THAT matter?

he fucked some RANDOM girl.

I didn't fuck some random person!

Hypocrit.

***

He said i was selfish.

Funny how he forgets so easily all the things i gave up to keep him and move us back to his home town. Funny how he forgets the reason WHY i did it (even tho i hated the situation in general) - HIM.

Fuck YOU for being a jackass.

***

MEH.MEH.MEH...

I am watching a 20/20 program on sex; the ten myths about it...

um... it's interesting.

There was some debate on "SIZE"

(all men know this one...)

and i dunno bout other ladies, but personally, it's more about the skills, and motion, than it is about the size; my best lover was the "smallest" guy I've ever been with. And I say "my best lover" cause he was the ONLY one who make me orgasm with JUST his penis.

HEH...

Also, stop thinking that you have to get a girl OFF for her to completely and utterly enjoy sex; it's just not true.

Anyone who studies sex, knows that most women DO NOT come via penile penetration.

SO...

anyways... I dunno how i got onto that.

BUT.

I am feeling dizzy again I dunno whats wrong... i think it's just stress. and the fact that i am SANS medicine.

i feel like my head is spinning and the room is doing the same thing, only the opposite direction... I'm surprised that i haven't blacked out-blacked out yet.

SIGH.

He called my sister when i hung up on him for the last time yesterday.

I threw my phone across the room, hit the wall, knocked out the battery, cried and crawled into bed. about 20 minutes later there is a pounding on my door.

I was hoping it was him, to appologize for being so nasty to me.

but it was boo and mom (not that it was "bad")... It actually kinda maded me mad - that he called her.

our business is our business (as i post this on SG, HAHAHAHA)

but really - none of you "know" him... so i don't feel like it counts. right now, i am bitching about some random guy, as far as all of you are concerned... you know?

I'm sure i'll get shit for posting anything on this, but it's bugging me and i just wanted to say something.

SO. meh.

***

Also, speaking of guys... why are the ones you actually want always outta reach?

I give up.

My heart really can't take much more of anything...

***

anyways, here is some new pieces i am working on:

meh. i'll post later. apparently i post too much and post too many pics anyways.

rotf.

i am not happy today