taterkil

So things are still the same, which means I am growing impatient. I have been playing along that everything is ok to help her get through this, but with each phone call in which I get bitched out it becomes tougher. It would be one thing if it actually helped but it is an entirely different animal when all I get is grief. A friend recently reminded me that the coming weekend "independence day" could be very symbolic in my struggle to separate my self from the negativity, and I so want to. How this ends up playing out is yet to be determined, but the current state of affairs just means that we are both miserable.

I have been drinking a lot lately, which if that happens on weekends is not a big deal, but I find my self doing it on week days too. I also find myself thinking of applying for other jobs and I love my job. It is the best thing I have going these days. I am a wanderer by nature but I think this current iteration of it is being pushed by escapism as evidenced by the drinking.

A further indication of my new low is my lack of musical direction. I even found it hard to go play music with my favorite musical partner, forced my self to go though and had a great time.

Things must and will change soon, and I ask my SG friends to hold me to this.