And 2012 begins. This time I made a few very hard resolutions that proved hard to keep, but the most important one was that I would say 'no' more often. Saying no, most specifically to mooches and parasites, has been a major problem in my life. I have too many friends who try to burden me with their needs and their problems, who I can never expect the same from. I need new friends I can rely on in times of need for myself, not these same old people who are always leaning on me.
And so, it begins this year with me ending a friendship of over 17 years. I wish I could say I feel sad about it, but I don't. I told this guy back in '98 I wasn't going to rescue him anymore, and I meant it. He moved away and started a new life on the other side of the continent. I was very relieved. Not only was I relieved of his endless borrowing, couch-surfing, and condescending lack of gratitude... I was happy he was doing well there. He continued to until recently, and was asking - nay, DEMANDING a place to live.
I've done this for him a number of times... it's something I've been doing since the very day I met him. He'd been kicked out of his mom's apartment, and bouncing from couch to couch, living with people he described as 'hardened killers'. I was living alone in a shitty 2 bedroom in one of the roughest parts of town, lease almost up, and I took him in. I later squatted with him in chaotic group houses, sleeping on dirty floors, often fronting for most of the share rent myself. I also gave him a couch to crash on whenever his mother wouldn't.
Wherever we went together, I was rescuing his ass. Helping him unconditionally. We had great laughs, but I can never recall one fucking time he did near as much for me as vice versa. Or repaid me a dime of what I 'loaned' him. He basically sees me as a trust-funder who didn't work for a dime of what he has. The truth is, it took over 10 YEARS of working two jobs to make my money grow. It would have taken FAR LESS TIME, had I not so many needy friends. Had I not caved in every time one of them came to me with their troubles.
I walk through our old stomping grounds every day, and I am SO happy not to have to run into him here anymore. I'm pissed he's returning. I've been relieved not to go out to eat and have to have him mooching off my plate and encroaching on my game, flirting with the waitress. I like having my own place, no roommates, and no mooches showing up at my door with their hands out. My world is a small place, and I can count my close friends on one hand. But that is exactly how I prefer it. The only thing my life needs is more sex.
What's crazy is that my friend has no drug problem (though I think he may be having problems with booze), doesn't really even smoke pot much anymore, and works very hard. The PROBLEM is that he is too dysfunctional, manic, and needy. Last year, the guy called me threatening suicide, and tried to convince me to do the same... seriously. I spent four hours trying to calm him down. I was just recovering from a breakdown myself. I did not need that shit. And I KNEW his dramatics were crying wolf to get me to reach in my pockets.
When someone is going to kill themselves, they aren't going to make a big show of it. They will do everything to conceal the process. My mother committed suicide, so did my grandmother. I had a few friends who also killed themselves, and nobody saw it coming. I've seen enough suicide in my life to hate the name of this website. Whether or not my friend was SERIOUS about his threats, I have no obligation to let all that psychosis live with me in my house. There is a good reason I live alone, and behavior like his is 100% of it.
So the answer was no. We fought and fought over it. I couldn't believe his persistence and tenacity over it. His level of desperation honestly made me sick. And, when none of the usual pleas worked, he did exactly what I expected him to do and began spitting insults and ultimatums. All the false modesty he displayed in trying to effectively manipulate me all fell away and he revealed himself for the smug, selfish son of a bitch I always knew him for being. He's still coming back into town, but not using me as a crutch this time.
2012 is all about knowing when to say no. I can't have anyone pulling me down with them anymore. I have done great on my own without all these people who think our need for one another is mutual. I need people I have more in common with. People who aren't constantly draining my wallet, my patience and my personal space. I have allowed myself to feel guilty for others' problems since I was a teenager, because I was taught the world is not all about ME. I still know and believe this. I just wish some of my friends could learn the same.
And so, it begins this year with me ending a friendship of over 17 years. I wish I could say I feel sad about it, but I don't. I told this guy back in '98 I wasn't going to rescue him anymore, and I meant it. He moved away and started a new life on the other side of the continent. I was very relieved. Not only was I relieved of his endless borrowing, couch-surfing, and condescending lack of gratitude... I was happy he was doing well there. He continued to until recently, and was asking - nay, DEMANDING a place to live.
I've done this for him a number of times... it's something I've been doing since the very day I met him. He'd been kicked out of his mom's apartment, and bouncing from couch to couch, living with people he described as 'hardened killers'. I was living alone in a shitty 2 bedroom in one of the roughest parts of town, lease almost up, and I took him in. I later squatted with him in chaotic group houses, sleeping on dirty floors, often fronting for most of the share rent myself. I also gave him a couch to crash on whenever his mother wouldn't.
Wherever we went together, I was rescuing his ass. Helping him unconditionally. We had great laughs, but I can never recall one fucking time he did near as much for me as vice versa. Or repaid me a dime of what I 'loaned' him. He basically sees me as a trust-funder who didn't work for a dime of what he has. The truth is, it took over 10 YEARS of working two jobs to make my money grow. It would have taken FAR LESS TIME, had I not so many needy friends. Had I not caved in every time one of them came to me with their troubles.
I walk through our old stomping grounds every day, and I am SO happy not to have to run into him here anymore. I'm pissed he's returning. I've been relieved not to go out to eat and have to have him mooching off my plate and encroaching on my game, flirting with the waitress. I like having my own place, no roommates, and no mooches showing up at my door with their hands out. My world is a small place, and I can count my close friends on one hand. But that is exactly how I prefer it. The only thing my life needs is more sex.
What's crazy is that my friend has no drug problem (though I think he may be having problems with booze), doesn't really even smoke pot much anymore, and works very hard. The PROBLEM is that he is too dysfunctional, manic, and needy. Last year, the guy called me threatening suicide, and tried to convince me to do the same... seriously. I spent four hours trying to calm him down. I was just recovering from a breakdown myself. I did not need that shit. And I KNEW his dramatics were crying wolf to get me to reach in my pockets.
When someone is going to kill themselves, they aren't going to make a big show of it. They will do everything to conceal the process. My mother committed suicide, so did my grandmother. I had a few friends who also killed themselves, and nobody saw it coming. I've seen enough suicide in my life to hate the name of this website. Whether or not my friend was SERIOUS about his threats, I have no obligation to let all that psychosis live with me in my house. There is a good reason I live alone, and behavior like his is 100% of it.
So the answer was no. We fought and fought over it. I couldn't believe his persistence and tenacity over it. His level of desperation honestly made me sick. And, when none of the usual pleas worked, he did exactly what I expected him to do and began spitting insults and ultimatums. All the false modesty he displayed in trying to effectively manipulate me all fell away and he revealed himself for the smug, selfish son of a bitch I always knew him for being. He's still coming back into town, but not using me as a crutch this time.
2012 is all about knowing when to say no. I can't have anyone pulling me down with them anymore. I have done great on my own without all these people who think our need for one another is mutual. I need people I have more in common with. People who aren't constantly draining my wallet, my patience and my personal space. I have allowed myself to feel guilty for others' problems since I was a teenager, because I was taught the world is not all about ME. I still know and believe this. I just wish some of my friends could learn the same.
peccavigianna:
Shitty friend. Im the worst i cut out people left and right. No looking back but im a nice person so dont take advantage of me u know? Good luck with ur situation lol 
tapescratcher:
Lol, thanks. Yeah, well, it took many years for me to learn I just can't repeatedly take responsibility for others' misfortune, I'll wear myself out. I think my situation will remain stable as long as I gravitate to saner people