just got out of bed for the day (the day being tuesday, not wednesday which it is now) about an hour ago. fnally washed all the mud off of me from running thru a field while leaving the airshow during the downpour yesterday (monday), i feel so clean. still feel like a pile o' shit, but at least i feel like a clean one. i really need to get my mom to take me home for a day tho, i can't stand it here all alone anymore. the isolation is killing me!
i need to find more friends out here so i don't have more days like today. i woke up and sobbed for half an hour straight when i found out i wasn't going to get to see my bf and my best guy friend today. and i NEVER cry. there were other things that came first, but that was the one thing too many that pushed me over the edge.
i closed my windows and even my bedroom door bc i was so embarassed someone would hear and i'd get a noise complaint or something. i couldnt even convince myself to get out of bed to get anything to eat. i just stuck with the bag of pretzels and bottle of water i had on the nightstand from a few days ago. not that i had much of an apetite anyway. this is the worst i can remember feeling in FOREVER, and i hate to admit it (even more so bc i'm losing my insurance), but i think it might be time to give the shrink another shot.
i need some kind of daily medication to keep this from ever happening again, but the thought of putting any chemical into my body on a regular basis scares the shit out of me.
i just don't know what to do, other than to take a day off from doing anything and just relax a bit with my dogs at my mom-mom's house (which still feels more like home to me than this place does.) i'll call about the job interviews on friday (since hopefully i should be seeing the bf on thursday instead.) hopefully by then i'll be sane enough to make it thru the interview without breaking down again.
i need to find more friends out here so i don't have more days like today. i woke up and sobbed for half an hour straight when i found out i wasn't going to get to see my bf and my best guy friend today. and i NEVER cry. there were other things that came first, but that was the one thing too many that pushed me over the edge.
i closed my windows and even my bedroom door bc i was so embarassed someone would hear and i'd get a noise complaint or something. i couldnt even convince myself to get out of bed to get anything to eat. i just stuck with the bag of pretzels and bottle of water i had on the nightstand from a few days ago. not that i had much of an apetite anyway. this is the worst i can remember feeling in FOREVER, and i hate to admit it (even more so bc i'm losing my insurance), but i think it might be time to give the shrink another shot.
i need some kind of daily medication to keep this from ever happening again, but the thought of putting any chemical into my body on a regular basis scares the shit out of me.
i just don't know what to do, other than to take a day off from doing anything and just relax a bit with my dogs at my mom-mom's house (which still feels more like home to me than this place does.) i'll call about the job interviews on friday (since hopefully i should be seeing the bf on thursday instead.) hopefully by then i'll be sane enough to make it thru the interview without breaking down again.
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i know missing home can be hard, when you move to a place that lacks people you know.
id suggest going to the park, but i don't think there is one near your apartments. i would be doing the same thing if i where going through what you are. (i couldn't handle living alone).
iv been having a freaking jam packed couple of weeks, and picking up on some peoples shift...
but hey next weekend is the zombie walk...so look foreword to that., i have Friday off. ..so lets plan this out now a week ahead of time...... i really wanna see your hair. so i figured i can pick ya up and take ya ta my place and have fun with it.... and i'll try to make up my last stand up