that's it. i give up. i have completely lost the last bit of faith in humanity i had left. i never would have thought that something so petty could hurt so much. you people suck. you don't even see what you're doing to each other. no, not even just to me. if it was just me i wouldn't care. i don't like you anyway. but...
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i am in literally the EXACT same place with my life as i was a year ago today. nothing has changed, except that i've accomplished even less this year than last year. i have the same lack of friends, the same depression, and the same longing for a person and a life that i can never have. it feels just wonderful to know that i've...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
opaque:
thanks for the birthday wishes 
tevyn:
you didn't even have to do it in the first place, babe.
and i'm so grateful that you made me anything.
i'm not coping with the trust and stress issues too well, but i'm hoping it all gets better after i leave.
and i'm so grateful that you made me anything.
i'm not coping with the trust and stress issues too well, but i'm hoping it all gets better after i leave.
sorry i haven't been on a lot lately guys, been having a hard time the past week or so. first round of antipsych meds went horribly wrong to say the least. had a terrible reaction to it and got even more psychotic than before. starting some new ones on the 18th, lets hope it goes better next time. for right now, i'm just focusing on...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
b1gfatho:
Your good old happy self is my favorite version of you 
programchaos:
Don't worry about being gone. It's just good to know that you're alive!
is happee! no really. i have a busy ass day ahead of me, i need to find out who i have to beg to let me sign up for classes late this semester so i can get my life back on track. or rather start over. however you look at it, i'm finally moving in the direction of progress. i'll come back and explain the...
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personaljesus:
I hope it gets better!!!
i just got text message dumped. yep. i'm that loser who isn't even good enough for a phone call. how exactly did i get here?
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
unallocated:
Text message dumped... That's pretty poor :p On the bright side, that's embarrassing for him, not you - you're alright lady. So walk by him; he doesn't deserve you...
mjb67:
actually, speaks volumes about the dumper, not the dumpee.
you're much better off finding out he can't confront life's challenges sooner rather than later.
you're much better off finding out he can't confront life's challenges sooner rather than later.
i am going to kill my mother. it's been nice knowing you all, but i'm not sure if i can afford to keep my account while in prison. either way, it will be well worth not having to live with this miserable old hag anymore.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
nitroboy:
ok i dont really know your situation but i mean for tonight you need to change your ideas, i know we are just tuesday, but call back your friends, go dancing, drinking or to a show or to a stripclub maybe take your car (or your moms car) and go on a nowhere or to a restaurant or se a movie.... but change your ideas then you will see clearly... i promise
nitroboy:
bus, subway or a good walk
so the worst weekend ever has progressed into the rest of the week so far. i don't understand what the hell i did to piss off whatever god there is up there or out there or whatever, i've always tried to be a good person, but for whatever reason for the past year or so he/she/it has just fucked with me nonstop. before i was...
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lixor17:
I'm here... I read, I sympathize... but I don't know what to say about your situation.
I can, though, comment on depression, as I'm still working on mine (another few weeks will be 7 years since it smacked me upside the head.) Even after years of treatment, Yes, there are periods when I am lonely and wishing people would call -- and yet at the same time not feeling at all like going out or emailing or even just "lurking" and reading what other people are up to. What you describe is familiar to me, and unfortunately I don't know of any cure other than time.
Though talking to my therapist seems to help, even if it's just telling her that I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why, that nothing special happened... the relief isn't immediate, and those kind of sessions have me feeling unfocused and like nothing was "accomplished" (no 'solution' was found, no hidden problem rooted out and held up to the light)... but somehow it helps.
I ought to be feeling pretty bad, various stresses at home, not even getting much cuddling lately... and various members of my family are having a really rough time and there's nothing I can realistically do to help them... but I'm doing okay enough this week, ever since I dumped out my "down and I don't know why" at my therapist last week.
In regards to people not returning calls / messages... I read the blogs or postings of a number of people here and on some other sites, and hardly any of them are happy the last few months, and more people than not at work are unhappy about something. Mind you, my co-workers and the people on the other sites tend to be closer to my own age (or even about as old as my mother).... and our health is starting to get a bit wobbly and our parent's health is starting to become a major concern... and we or our relatives of the same generation are getting to Mid-Life Crisis kind of ages. A lot of people hurting these days... and if not due to their own direct problems, then due to trying to "support" or help people close to them who are having rough times.
Oh.... it's late. Well, I hope you made it to sleep, with peaceful dreams.
I can, though, comment on depression, as I'm still working on mine (another few weeks will be 7 years since it smacked me upside the head.) Even after years of treatment, Yes, there are periods when I am lonely and wishing people would call -- and yet at the same time not feeling at all like going out or emailing or even just "lurking" and reading what other people are up to. What you describe is familiar to me, and unfortunately I don't know of any cure other than time.
Though talking to my therapist seems to help, even if it's just telling her that I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why, that nothing special happened... the relief isn't immediate, and those kind of sessions have me feeling unfocused and like nothing was "accomplished" (no 'solution' was found, no hidden problem rooted out and held up to the light)... but somehow it helps.
I ought to be feeling pretty bad, various stresses at home, not even getting much cuddling lately... and various members of my family are having a really rough time and there's nothing I can realistically do to help them... but I'm doing okay enough this week, ever since I dumped out my "down and I don't know why" at my therapist last week.
In regards to people not returning calls / messages... I read the blogs or postings of a number of people here and on some other sites, and hardly any of them are happy the last few months, and more people than not at work are unhappy about something. Mind you, my co-workers and the people on the other sites tend to be closer to my own age (or even about as old as my mother).... and our health is starting to get a bit wobbly and our parent's health is starting to become a major concern... and we or our relatives of the same generation are getting to Mid-Life Crisis kind of ages. A lot of people hurting these days... and if not due to their own direct problems, then due to trying to "support" or help people close to them who are having rough times.
Oh.... it's late. Well, I hope you made it to sleep, with peaceful dreams.
remod66:
'tis not true... we do read--and I wish I could do more than send you good thoughts and hope things get better for you soon...
so yeah for those of you who missed my minibar sentence, i'm pretty much fucked. it's as simple as that. i'm really starting to see who my real friends are, and i'm very disappointed.
edited to say that i changed my minibar so that first part is now irrelevant.
edited to say that i changed my minibar so that first part is now irrelevant.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
b1gfatho:
Sorry that the weekend sucks 
but that was probably the best minibar sentence I have ever read
but that was probably the best minibar sentence I have ever read
dryad:
stupid criticizers 
so it's been a bad week. a really really bad week. and the more i think about it, the more it makes sense to me that since i'm already mostly moved out, i might as well just not come back after i go to my mom's this weekend. the only problem there is, if i do then i wont have any motivation to come back...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
nitroboy:
chewing bubble gum is not legal in singapore, no kidding
b1gfatho:
Nice, well hopefully by this point you are either done or well on your way to taking care of the bed stuff.
men are stupid. don't even try to deny it. you all are. and no, you don't grow out of it. don't take it the wrong way, i love men/boys/whatever, especially my bf, but you can all be RETARDED when it comes to the minds of females. i just don't understand how anyone could be so utterly oblivious. it doesnt even make sense. unless they're retarded....
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
avaadora:
now that is a grade a Rant!
guys will never get the full understanding of the important meaning of events 100%...
its sorta has to be beatin into them over and over... or after a while if you get lucky they start to let the big bad, "i'm a tuff guy) attitude go out the windo and start opening up to there emotional side.
hell i took just about 2 almost 3 years to get James to finally start to really open up and say what he means and mean what he says....
and ya know allot of that has to do with him growing up... age really does matter when it comes to expressing emotions.
he was 20 when we first started going out and he had allot of growing up to do since then. a life long union was not what he was thinking about back then...
but time ages people and four years later allot has changed... keep that in mind.
anyway.... on a lighter note... whats new....?
how long till you go back to your mom's place.
if ya need any help let me know... talk ta ya later
guys will never get the full understanding of the important meaning of events 100%...
its sorta has to be beatin into them over and over... or after a while if you get lucky they start to let the big bad, "i'm a tuff guy) attitude go out the windo and start opening up to there emotional side.
hell i took just about 2 almost 3 years to get James to finally start to really open up and say what he means and mean what he says....
and ya know allot of that has to do with him growing up... age really does matter when it comes to expressing emotions.
he was 20 when we first started going out and he had allot of growing up to do since then. a life long union was not what he was thinking about back then...
but time ages people and four years later allot has changed... keep that in mind.
anyway.... on a lighter note... whats new....?
how long till you go back to your mom's place.
if ya need any help let me know... talk ta ya later
tryphcycle:
like i have always said..... guys, speak english, and girls... speak telepathy! when i guys says "yada yada yada", thats what he means! but the girl, will try to translate that in to the female version, which never makes any sence, then she says "yada yada yada" in responce, expecting the guys to translate it in to the female version, which he can't! so you are left to two people who end up hating each other because they just don;t speak each others language!!!
fucking terrible week last week. that's all there is to it.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
b1gfatho:
^^^ !!!! You have a Rorschach tattoo?!?!?!?!
tallahassee:
(edit)
ok idky i keep posting things inn my own comments lately. that's just retarded.
ok idky i keep posting things inn my own comments lately. that's just retarded.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
tallahassee:
fixed.
willy81:
Nice! 
don't be upset hun!
you can text me ANYTIME and i'll listen, okay?