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takeshi21

Member Since 2002

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Tuesday Dec 14, 2004

Dec 14, 2004
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Whoah.... I kinda fell off the face of the earth for a minute, there. My last entry was on my birthday? A lot has changed since then.

After my birthday I went through a period of days where I suddenly started experiencing these debilitating panic attacks out of nowhere. I mean seriously gut-wrenching, I'm-really-gonna-die bouts of intense fear. I've had the occassional panic attack in the past, but nothing that lasted for several days. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had.

Fortunately, I saw my doctor for my annual physical and he gave me a prescription of klonopin (kills my panic attacks) and agreed with me that a drug-free solution is ultimately the best. I injured my groin/hip about four weeks ago when I was running and I haven't been able to exercise pain-free, until now. I'm finally feeling close to 100% again! And, when I get paid this Friday I'll have saved up $100 to go shoe shopping at a real runner's store and get a pair of sneaks that'll keep me injury free! In the past, exercise has greatly helped me manage my anxiety.

Now that's only the beginning.

The other half of the story is that I may have a job opportunity in Washington DC that could double or maybe even triple my current salary. If you read my journal you probably know that money has been pretty tight; this just might be my chance to change that. I hate feeling like I'm constantly obsessed with the dollar but when there's not much to go around, I get sensitive about not having it. I'm not talking about a bling fix, I mean just being able to pay down my debts and get the bills in on time. But a college friend of mine convinced his company to fly me out for an interview between Christmas and New Years to test the waters.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time because it seems like such a huge change. I've lived in L.A. for nearly five years and I've made my home here. Good friends take time to develop and I feel like I'd be abandoning my network that took an effort to build. But there's no way I can just walk away from this chance so it's time to go for it!

Oh, and my current job continues to kick my ass. Before yesterday, I hadn't left the office before 11PM for the last three weeks and I've been having to work through weekends, too. FUCK THAT SHIT.

It may be DC or bust.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ponette:
funny. dc seems to be popping up as an option for many people these days.

best of luck with the interview!
Dec 19, 2004
justlittleolme:
maybe we're the same person. i've been going through it too. doctors... meds... therapy. i just got this CD called 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. sounds kinda hokie, but i fucking swear by it. i listen to it in the car when i'm driving and it totally helps. please buy it.
my doc also told me that at this time, CHANGE IS BAD! not saying that a career change can't be positive, but it could increase anxiety.
i barely know you, but i'm here if you need to talk. i totally get it.
Dec 19, 2004

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