I woke up today and wished for tomorrow
I don't want to be like anyone else
I woke up today and wished for tomorrow
I don't want to even be myself
M. Manson
"Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth"
I used to have a saying: "If I want to listen to Marilyn Manson, I'll just listen to NIN do it right."
Nothing like a day of self-imposed isolation and depression to make me appreciate the intricate production of Manson's second-shitiest full-length studio album also know as the "Golden Age of Grotesque." Say what you will about some of the shitty lyrics (see Kaboom-Kaboom), but this album does actually have its moments. Especially if i'm feeling like this. Manson made 1.85 good albums. The 1 being Mechanical Animals, which happens to be my favorite album ever. The other fraction is misc. singles and the occasional track on an album (see king-kill 33). I still claim that Antichrist was hit and miss at best and Holy Wood makes my brain hurt except for 4 tracks.
I feel like such a geeky-goth poseur at the moment. This is the second day in three that i've spent listening to this pile of trash and whale-vomit. Where's my black nail-polish and anorexic-blonde sidekick?
**COLLEGE SITUATION EXPLANATION**
I wanted to make sure certain people knew about it before I shared it on here. Better to speak then to find it one day and go 'dude, what the hell.'
Parents stopped payment on a couple of checks going to UofM. I can't come up with the money needed for these checks so I am going to the college that they want me to go to, Valley City State University. They did it again, they proved to me that they have control in my life. I was under the false impression that everything was 100% and I was fully in-control and i was given a reality check. I'm using the decision now also to agree to a proposition they made recently about a new car for me. I believe that the flight of swine is much more probable that this happening, but it's worth a shot.
**WORK SITUATION EXPLAINED**
Uptown/Downtown and 9on3rd aren't opening for another two weeks. What does this mean for our hero (me, jackasses!)? I'm not working either new years eve or day. A blessing in disguise or Jpo getting fucked by the owner of both of these establishments yet again? You be the judge. We report, you decide. So not only will i not be getting extra money for working, not only will i not be working on one of the best tipping nights of the year, but i lose 2 days out of a schedule that listed me for 4 days in two weeks. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. I've felt numb since waking up to the phone-call. I haven't picked up the new schedule yet because i'm very afraid of what i'm going to see me listed for. 1 night? Maybe 2?
But this leaves me open to going to new years eve parties across the city. Since i don't have a place of my own i can't throw my yearly thing but hey, i can still yell 'fuck 05' somewhere. And hopefully, I'll have people yelling the same across this country. A little bit of solidarity, people.
This has left me in a bit of a tizzy and i'm not entirely sure how i feel about anything. 2004 had all the makings of being the best year of my life and it really didn't live up to any of the expectations i had put forth. A year of discovery, a year of broken plans, a year to remember, a year to forget, and a year that i shed the security blankey and tried to make it outside of Amazon only to find that it wasn't as bad as i was making it out to be. While drunk with Justin, Connor, and Mike, watching the fireworks at the very top of the parking garage Mike yelled one of the reoccuring themes of the year at the top of his Jagermeister-stained lungs: "FUCK 04! FUCK 04!" I'm taking a pre-emptive shot at next year: fuck you and the horse you rode in on. And to god, "you better take care of me. Otherwise, you'll have me on your hands."
Though I do have something amusing to end on. While filling out scholorship applications yesterday I kept getting asked the same question: what motivates you? It was getting excessive, like 6 apps out of 8. So I answered the last and smallest one the only way I could. My answer:
Little yellow baby ducks, footie pajamas, and 89 cent double-decker tacos at Taco Bell for a limited time only.
I don't want to be like anyone else
I woke up today and wished for tomorrow
I don't want to even be myself
M. Manson
"Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth"
I used to have a saying: "If I want to listen to Marilyn Manson, I'll just listen to NIN do it right."
Nothing like a day of self-imposed isolation and depression to make me appreciate the intricate production of Manson's second-shitiest full-length studio album also know as the "Golden Age of Grotesque." Say what you will about some of the shitty lyrics (see Kaboom-Kaboom), but this album does actually have its moments. Especially if i'm feeling like this. Manson made 1.85 good albums. The 1 being Mechanical Animals, which happens to be my favorite album ever. The other fraction is misc. singles and the occasional track on an album (see king-kill 33). I still claim that Antichrist was hit and miss at best and Holy Wood makes my brain hurt except for 4 tracks.
I feel like such a geeky-goth poseur at the moment. This is the second day in three that i've spent listening to this pile of trash and whale-vomit. Where's my black nail-polish and anorexic-blonde sidekick?
**COLLEGE SITUATION EXPLANATION**
I wanted to make sure certain people knew about it before I shared it on here. Better to speak then to find it one day and go 'dude, what the hell.'
Parents stopped payment on a couple of checks going to UofM. I can't come up with the money needed for these checks so I am going to the college that they want me to go to, Valley City State University. They did it again, they proved to me that they have control in my life. I was under the false impression that everything was 100% and I was fully in-control and i was given a reality check. I'm using the decision now also to agree to a proposition they made recently about a new car for me. I believe that the flight of swine is much more probable that this happening, but it's worth a shot.
**WORK SITUATION EXPLAINED**
Uptown/Downtown and 9on3rd aren't opening for another two weeks. What does this mean for our hero (me, jackasses!)? I'm not working either new years eve or day. A blessing in disguise or Jpo getting fucked by the owner of both of these establishments yet again? You be the judge. We report, you decide. So not only will i not be getting extra money for working, not only will i not be working on one of the best tipping nights of the year, but i lose 2 days out of a schedule that listed me for 4 days in two weeks. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. I've felt numb since waking up to the phone-call. I haven't picked up the new schedule yet because i'm very afraid of what i'm going to see me listed for. 1 night? Maybe 2?
But this leaves me open to going to new years eve parties across the city. Since i don't have a place of my own i can't throw my yearly thing but hey, i can still yell 'fuck 05' somewhere. And hopefully, I'll have people yelling the same across this country. A little bit of solidarity, people.
This has left me in a bit of a tizzy and i'm not entirely sure how i feel about anything. 2004 had all the makings of being the best year of my life and it really didn't live up to any of the expectations i had put forth. A year of discovery, a year of broken plans, a year to remember, a year to forget, and a year that i shed the security blankey and tried to make it outside of Amazon only to find that it wasn't as bad as i was making it out to be. While drunk with Justin, Connor, and Mike, watching the fireworks at the very top of the parking garage Mike yelled one of the reoccuring themes of the year at the top of his Jagermeister-stained lungs: "FUCK 04! FUCK 04!" I'm taking a pre-emptive shot at next year: fuck you and the horse you rode in on. And to god, "you better take care of me. Otherwise, you'll have me on your hands."
Though I do have something amusing to end on. While filling out scholorship applications yesterday I kept getting asked the same question: what motivates you? It was getting excessive, like 6 apps out of 8. So I answered the last and smallest one the only way I could. My answer:
Little yellow baby ducks, footie pajamas, and 89 cent double-decker tacos at Taco Bell for a limited time only.
...i find it curious that i fall apart and need him, and he can't be there for me. given that this is one of about a dozen times this has happened to me in my relationships, i suppose i'm not entirely surprised. it always ends up being the time where i give up and move on. my mother asked me numerous times over xmas why i always steer toward "broken boys". that was the exact wording she used. well, it's obvious, isn't it? i'm looking to fix them. god, i hate this. what i want from him seems so simple to me, and yet it's such a threat to him (or any male in his late teens to early twenties--that's really where the problem lies, the age, you're right).
i'm unhappy, but i feel better now than i did before i talked to him.